My cousin is a sophomore in college, and there are five girls living in their dorm room.
On the surface, they seem to get along, but in reality, there are six different WeChat groups between them. Each group has a different set of members, and no group is everyone's present.
These WeChat groups have become a hidden battlefield for their communication, each with its own secrets and issues, and those who are excluded are completely unaware.
After my daughter went to school, I saw firsthand how secret and terrible the girls' "war" is, and the complexity and subtlety of this kind of girls' social interactions, in fact, sensitive parents can feel it after their children go to school.
Hidden bullying has existed for a long time, and children don't talk about it, but parents have to understand it
My friend's child Yiyi is in kindergarten middle class, her good friend is called Doudou, Yiyi has been very unhappy every day recently, and her friend asked her for a long time before she said the reason.
It turned out that Doudou recently had to find a doll that Yiyi asked her to hold every day when she went to sleep, but without this doll, Yiyi couldn't sleep when she took a nap, so she rejected Doudou.
Doudou was very angry, not only did he stop playing with Yiyi, but also began to spread rumors about Yiyi among the children, saying that Yiyi was not good or bad, and pulled other children to isolate Yiyi, which made Yiyi very sad.
Yiyi asked her mother: "Mom, I don't want to give her my toys, am I doing something wrong?" Do I want to continue to be her best friend, so I have to do what she says? ”
Seeing her sad daughter, her friend knew that the child was caught in the quagmire of interpersonal communication, she first solemnly told her daughter: "If you don't want to give Doudou your doll, just refuse, it's right, the doll is yours, you can choose who to play and who doesn't play, and you also have the right to give it away or not to give it away, she doesn't play with you, and encourages others not to play with you, it's her who does it wrong, a real friend will not force others to do what they don't want to do, she treats you like this and is not worthy of treating her as a good friend, As for her pulling the rest of the class to isolate you, Mom will help you deal with it! ”
Immediately, my friend called the kindergarten teacher and communicated with the teacher about the child's current situation, emphasizing that the teacher should pay attention to whether the children in the class are isolating their own children.
Finally, my friend made an appointment with the kindergarten teacher and went to the class to share a public class, bringing the "Children's Self-Protection Picture Book" that I bought for my child, and the theme of sharing was school bullying.
This behavior of friends gave Yiyi great confidence in dealing with conflicts, and also made other children realize that their behavior was inappropriate, and Doudou also apologized to Yiyi in front of her mother and teacher, and became good friends with Yiyi again.
Socializing in elementary school is already complicated
In fact, at a very young age, children begin to learn to use the means of relational aggression to deal with conflict, such as Doudou, which is to punish Yiyi with typical social relationships, such as friendship withdrawal, cold war, and gossip.
This kind of self-taught hidden bullying seems to be born with girls, why is this?
First, the precocious puberty of girls allows them to observe and learn similar behaviors in early social interactions.
Secondly, girls are naturally more sensitive and delicate in emotions than boys.
Finally, girls are more susceptible to media and environmental influences on social behaviour than boys.
By the time girls enter primary school, their social behaviour becomes more complex, and at this stage, girls become more aware of their place in their peer groups and learn to use more sophisticated social strategies to maintain or promote this status.
Over the years, I have seen too many girls being bullied in a hidden but terrible relationship.
In the school as a collective, the slightest conflict between classmates can translate into more elaborate exclusions, the formation of small groups or factions, and the use of nonverbal signals to convey a sense of belonging or xenophobia.
At this age, girls may also start to use more subtle ways to spread gossip or spread false information in order to bully others.
The complexity of this type of implicit bullying lies in the fact that it is often difficult for adults to notice, so it is important to cultivate children's self-protection skills and sensitivity to these subtle behaviors in interpersonal interactions, and to help girls better integrate with others through education and guidance, and learn healthier and more positive communication and conflict resolution methods.
What role should parents play in guiding their children's socialization?
a. Learn to understand and empathize:
When many children encounter social problems and communicate with their parents, the response they get is either "If she doesn't play with you, you won't play with her", or "Why don't people just play with you?" ”
This answer is perfunctory and hurtful.
When a daughter encounters social problems, the first thing parents should do is to listen and understand, and also make the child feel empathy by reflecting her daughter's emotions, such as "You feel sad right now, right?" ”
This way can make the daughter feel that her feelings are understood and accepted, which is very important for her to deal with negative emotions.
b. Help children understand and manage emotions through role-playing and discussing episodes in the media:
For example, parents can watch a movie or picture book with their daughter and discuss how the characters deal with their social conflicts, and by extension, discuss how to deal with similar situations themselves.
This allows children to think in a relaxed situation and find strategies to resolve conflicts.
Not only does this enhance the child's ability to deal with problems, but it also strengthens the bond between parents and children.
c. Teach children how to resolve conflicts:
If your daughter feels that a classmate is deliberately ostracizing her, parents can encourage her to communicate directly with the other person, tell them how she feels, and make it clear that she does not like the behavior.
Often this attitude of "facing up" will make the other party afraid when bullying themselves, and this courage will also help children learn to face conflict.
d. Teach your child to recognize bullying and protect themselves:
A friend brought to the kindergarten to share a picture book on the theme of anti-bullying, called "Children's Self-Protection Picture Book", which mainly teaches children the following:
Let children understand that in normal relationships, we cannot bully others, nor can we be bullied by others;
Teach your child what bullying is:
For example, ridiculing others is relationship bullying, pushing others is physical bullying, wronging others is emotional bullying, what behavior is physical aggression, being forced to occupy objects by others is property bullying, being excluded is social bullying, etc.
Let children know that it is not a shame to reject others, on the contrary, it is easier to be hurt by others if they cannot face their own feelings.
When children learn to reject others, value their own feelings, respect others, and face interpersonal difficulties, they can truly become strong and protect themselves.
This set of "Children's Self-Protection Picture Book" is very suitable for children aged 3-8, it is very helpful for children to learn to identify bullying behaviors and improve their awareness of self-protection.
【Waiting for the Wind to Come】All 8 volumes of anti-bullying education picture books for children aged 2-8 I don't like to be bullied ¥59 Buy
As parents, we teach our children to cope with social conflict in school, not only to help solve immediate problems, but also to develop their long-term social skills and emotional intelligence.
Not only do we need to provide support and understanding, but we also need to teach children how to deal with conflict in a healthy and positive way.
Author: Wait for the wind to come
A working mother of two children, holding a pen in her left hand and a baby in her right hand, she likes to read, write, and paint, and firmly believes that even if she lives in a chicken feather, she must have her own poetry and distance in her heart.
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