As the old saying goes, being kind to others is not only a reflection of moral beauty, but also an act of wisdom.
But in reality, many people are too kind and don't know how to refuse, and it is easy to fall into the abyss of internal friction.
Instead of excessive empathy and compromise with others, excessive self-denial and self-blame, it is better to raise yourself as a "villain": have the strength to be messed with, the emotions that are not to be provoked, the persistence of not being social, and the courage not to be defined.
It's not easy to mess with: with its own edge, live a hot life
In interpersonal communication, many people like to show their kind side to others, thinking that as long as they please and cater to others, they can gain good popularity.
However, many times, giving wholeheartedly will not only not reap the sincerity, but also become a matter of course in the eyes of others, and as a result, your sincerity will become worthless.
There is a line in the movie "The Godfather" that says it very reasonably: "Soft-heartedness without boundaries will only make the other party gain an inch, and unprincipled kindness will only make the other party do whatever they want." ”
You know, the more you cater to the pleaser, the easier it is to become cheap and unable to build a high-quality relationship.
Learn to bring a little edge in kindness, in order to resist the tribulation of fate.
can't help but think of the story of the talented girl Su Qing. Su Qing gave up her studies for the family and entered the marriage hall early. After marriage, she served her husband and in-laws wholeheartedly, but she was treated coldly by her husband because she gave birth to four daughters in a row.
At that time, she naively thought that as long as she was virtuous and virtuous enough, she could win her husband's love again after giving birth to a son. Unexpectedly, even if the son came, the husband's indifferent attitude did not change. But the wife who was bullied did not have any complaints and blame, which made the husband finally cross the line and cheat.
Ten years of enduring humiliation and burden, but in the end, it was a deep disappointment and hurt. When the sorrow of love is tasted, the trampled self-esteem and self are finally awakened.
Su Qing resolutely decided to end this painful marriage and return to the writing career she loved. She wrote "Ten Years of Marriage", which was widely praised upon publication, and Su Qing became a rising star in Shanghai's literary scene.
Just as Yu Hua wrote in "Shouting in the Drizzle": "When we treat the world fiercely, the world suddenly becomes gentle. ”
After all, life is a game full of rules, and showing the principles and bottom line in a timely manner can not only advance and retreat freely, but also protect yourself.
Instead of living in the eyes of others and not being happy to be yourself, it is better to protect yourself with armor that is "not easy to mess with".
Source: Visual China
No internal friction: neither humble nor arrogant, get out of the emotional trap
Have you ever heard of the "internal friction personality"?
The term "internal friction personality" usually refers to the type of personality that tends to be overly reflective, struggling, and draining on energy. With this personality, we may over-analyze things, think about problems repeatedly, and easily get caught up in worries and worries.
But in reality, 99% of what we are worried about will not happen.
reminds me of a cartoon I read before, and the girl with the "internal friction personality" in the painting is impressive.
When reporting to work, she saw her boss frowning slightly, and she began to wonder if there was something wrong with her.
In the afternoon, she saw her colleagues gather to order milk tea, but they didn't call herself, and she felt isolated.
What made her even more sad was that she found that the work she was responsible for was handed over to a new person, so she began to reflect on whether she must have done a good enough job.
These trivial matters weighed on the girl's heart like a mountain, causing her to become more and more exhausted at work.
However, the truth is: the leader's frown is only because of a little itch on his face; Colleagues did forget about her when they ordered milk tea, but then invited her to eat hot pot together; The handover to the newcomer is due to the fact that she is about to be promoted and needs to take on more challenging tasks.
It is not difficult to find that people who are prone to internal friction are always accustomed to over-interpreting the actions of others.
Tangled, twisted, and inner drama came out one after another, and the thoughts in my heart slowly accumulated into a mountain, crushing my nerves.
If you want to reduce the burden on life, you must know how to let go of meaningless little things.
Regularly clean the cache of the moment, so that we have the spare energy to get closer to the self we like.
Source: Visual China
Unsociable: Stick to yourself and no longer follow the crowd
There is a question on Zhihu: Why are adults so tired of socializing?
A high praise replied: Because we have the mind of "making the other party like" every day, and play a role that is not like ourselves at all.
Come to think of it, it is. We are always pretending to be gregarious in constant compromise and accommodation. But in the end, nothing will change except for wronging yourself.
In the variety show "Wilderness Talks", talk show actor Li Xueqin revealed a work experience in his early years.
At that time, she was interning at a company, and one of the daily habits in the office was that her colleagues would fight a la carte coffee together.
However, for Li Xueqin at that time, she only had an income of 50 yuan a day, and if she participated in the order to buy coffee, she would have worked in vain for the day, but if she did not participate in the order, she was worried that her colleagues would feel that she was not social.
Under this kind of psychological pressure, Li Xueqin often chooses to force herself in the end and fight with her colleagues.
In life, why are we not like this? Many times, in order to avoid embarrassment, or out of fear that others will perceive them as unsociable, they will be reluctant to do something against their will.
The days are your own, not for others to see.
Instead of bothering to work hard to join someone's group and please whom, it is better to live as your own limited edition and take back the initiative in life.
Source: Visual China
Undefined: Break free and be your own protagonist
Ever looked at a survey online.
In this life, one of the five most common regrets is:
Wanting to live for your dreams instead of living according to someone else's ideas.
Indeed, living to meet the expectations of others will not lead to a bad life.
The spirit of villainy means not being bound by others, and whoever you want to be, you go all out, regardless of the eyes of others.
Teacher Classic, the author of "Tearing Down the Wall in Thinking", asked everyone present a question at an exchange meeting: If a person holds a water glass in his hand, what is his best choice next?
Some people say that water should be filled, some people say that it should be shared with others, and some people say that water should be analyzed in the best way.
And the classical teacher said with a smile: "A person with a water cup in his hand, he should do what he wants to do, and the water cup has nothing to do with it." ”
In fact, each of us has such a water cup in our hearts, that is, we are not easy to detect, but it is very easy to commit the thinking trap.
It is like an invisible wall, which blinds the true heart and makes the path of life narrower and narrower.
There is a sentence in the movie "Black Swan": "The only one in front of you is yourself." ”
Many times, it is not the environment, not the ability, that limits a person, but the inherent mode of thinking.
Change your thinking and tear down the walls in your heart, and the problem can be solved.
Raising yourself as a "villain" does not mean that you will become bad, but that you are not afraid of conflict and cultivate your heart.
I once read a sentence: "Living life the way you want is the greatest ability." ”
Those who are really powerful know how to use the "villain" thinking and live with all their might.
May you and I also embrace the beauty of life and have the ability to make ourselves happy and light.
Author: Monica, read yourself, cross yourself, please yourself.