Text: Summer of Roses
Disclaimer: The story in this article is fictional, and any similarities are purely coincidental.
My name is Xia Xiuling, 59 years old this year, I just celebrated my 59th birthday a few days ago, but I am not happy at all, this matter is related to my father, not that I am too careful, but to speak, I have a stomach of grievances, I feel wronged.
Today, I would like to use my experience to advise you that if you were born in a family with many brothers and sisters, whether you are in good conditions or very filial, it is best not to support your parents alone, otherwise you will be full of grievances and have nowhere to complain.
I have 6 brothers and sisters, and in the era when I was born, the eldest son and the eldest were the most favored, and as the eldest in the family, I was no exception. It's a pity that when 6 of us brothers and sisters grew up, I had the worst life.
The eldest brother was a soldier in the army when he was young, and after he was discharged from the army, he opened a hardware store in the town.
The second brother graduated from college and married a girl from the city. The second sister-in-law is the only child in the family, her parents are both teachers, and the second brother lives in her parents-in-law's house after marriage. Originally, my parents disagreed, but what is the difference between the second brother and the second brother?
Although the parents have many children, it is also affordable to build a house for the second brother to marry a daughter-in-law in their hometown.
However, the second brother can think about it, the second sister-in-law is an only daughter, no matter whether the second brother is rich or not, he will have to take care of his parents-in-law in his old age. He lives in the city, it is convenient for him to work, and his second sister-in-law can also accompany his parents, killing two birds with one stone.
Although the second brother is a college student, he is a rural child, he has been used to farm work since he was a child, and he also has vision, when he lives with his parents-in-law, he is diligent and capable, and his parents-in-law praise him for being more filial than his own son. His father-in-law was sick, and the second brother took leave to take care of him in the hospital for more than 20 days, and when he was discharged from the hospital, his father-in-law gained four or five pounds, and the second brother lost more than ten pounds, and the dark circles under his eyes were very heavy.
At that time, my parents cried distressed when they saw the second brother working so hard. However, the second brother's efforts have also been rewarded, the second sister-in-law gave birth to two children, both of whom were brought with the help of their parents, and they paid for the children's expenses, and after the death of the old couple, the house was also passed to the name of the second brother and sister-in-law.
The third brother and his wife work in Shenzhen, although they are not as good as the eldest brother and the second brother, but they can endure hardships and save a lot of money a year.
The eldest sister and the second sister are housewives like me, but the eldest brother-in-law drives a truck, and there are two semi-trailers at home.
The second sister and the second brother-in-law are doing farm work at home, and they have contracted more than 30 acres of land, and the harvest in one year is not bad. Only I'm the least productive. When we first got married, my husband didn't have any sense of responsibility, and the whole family didn't go hungry when he fed alone.
Later, when the child was older, the burden of supporting the family was heavy, and he wanted to make more money in business, so I asked the eldest brother and second brother to borrow money to support him, but he was not the material for business, and he didn't make money for a few years, and he still owed seventy or eighty thousand.
Before the age of forty, our husband and wife had been renting a house in the city, and then the house in our hometown was demolished, and we lost 400,000 yuan, and we added more than 100,000 yuan ourselves, and bought a house in the suburbs, so that we had our own home.
I know that people can't be compared, my brothers and sisters are better than me, I don't envy or envy, although I don't live as well as them, but my idea is also very simple, as long as the family is healthy, it's okay.
Five years ago, my mother died of a sudden cerebral hemorrhage, and my parents had a good relationship, but after my mother died, my father fell seriously ill and his mental state was not as good as before. We didn't worry about him and wanted to take him to live next to us. But my father was reluctant to leave his hometown and insisted on living alone.
About half a year after my mother died, my father had a stroke and could no longer take care of himself.
The eldest brother and sister-in-law have two sons, and they have to take 4 grandchildren, and they are so busy every day that they have no time to rest, so they naturally can't find time to take care of their father. The second brother originally wanted to take his father to live in his house, but the second sister-in-law disagreed, she thought that the eldest brother was making excuses not to take care of his father, and the second brother was not the eldest son, so why should he take it?
The third brother was reluctant to quit his job and return to his hometown, and when it came to taking care of his father, he was also hesitant. At that time, the six of us brothers and sisters were discussing in a hut next to our hometown, and my father was sleeping in another room. When I went to visit him, he cried in slurred words that he didn't want to drag us down.
At that moment, I remembered how my father used to take care of us. He is obviously 1.8 meters tall and a handsome old man, why did he become so thin and pitiful after he got sick?
My father couldn't speak clearly, so he could only call me "Ling'er" by my nickname.
My heart felt like something was stinging, and I couldn't help crying. I held my father's hand and said, "Dad, don't worry, you haven't dragged us down, and we won't leave you alone."
The eldest brother and they discussed for a long time, but they didn't come up with a result, so I said: Send my father to my house first, and I will take care of it first.
My father lived in my house for more than half a year, and that day my eldest brother and second brother came to me to discuss, saying that my father was doing well in my house, or I would take care of it in the future, and they had three brothers, and the family gave me 500 yuan a month.
I felt that my father had raised me, and I should take care of him, so I was reluctant to take their money. The eldest brother and the second brother said that if I didn't charge the 500 yuan, it would be a slap in the face. Originally, in our village, our sons were the elderly, but they didn't fulfill their filial piety in front of their father, and they handed over their father to me to take care of, what will their relatives and neighbors think?
I knew that the eldest brother and the second brother were guilty, so I agreed, and the third brother also called me in the evening to tell me about it.
My father didn't eat much, he just couldn't take care of himself, and sometimes he had to go to the toilet, and before I arrived, the sheets were wet. I was either busy drying the quilt or doing laundry every week, and I had a lot of calluses on my hands.
My wife knew that my father loved me, and when our family conditions were not good, my father often quietly helped us, and he was grateful, so he was also good to my father. My wife is the only one in the family who makes money, his salary is not high, we live on the first floor, I planted some small greens and peppers in the yard, and I can also save some expenses.
My father is not a picky eater, and I am a good cook among my siblings, and my father is a little fatter than when he first arrived, and his complexion is good.
My eldest brother has to go to the county seat every month to buy goods, and as long as he comes, he will stay at my house for one night and chat with my father. Although basically the eldest brother said it, and the father listened to it and laughed from time to time, when the eldest brother came, the father's mood would be much better.
The second brother lives in the county seat, which is close to him, and he will come to sit for a while every week. However, he is busy with work and has to help his second sister-in-law take care of his grandson, so he can only sit for a while and leave, and rarely stays at home to eat. When his father was sick and needed to take medicine, he went to the pharmacy to buy it, and when he came, he would bring some of his father's favorite food.
The third brother is far away, and he only comes back during the Chinese New Year. But every once in a while he would call me on video, see my father, and ask him how he was.
My three older brothers are grateful to me for taking care of my father. They often say that I have worked hard and thank me for helping them lighten their load. I have three older brothers who are considerate, and no matter how tired and hard I am taking care of my father, I feel that it is worth it.
At the beginning of this year, my father had a bad appetite, and he was also depressed, reluctant to go out, and sleepy. The eldest brother and the second brother took their father to the hospital, stayed for about 3 days, and got a little better.
After I was discharged from the hospital, I paid more attention to my diet again, and my father's appetite gradually improved. During that time, he not only looked good, but his head was also clear, the eldest brother and the second brother came to see him, he could remember a lot of things from the past, and asked if some of his relatives in his hometown were still there?
Seeing that my father was awake and his appetite was better, we were all happy in our hearts. But I didn't expect that this improvement only lasted for a little more than a week, and that night, when I got up at night to go to the bathroom, I went to the sub-bedroom to see if my father was asleep and if there was anything I needed help with.
I called out to him several times but didn't answer. I didn't feel right, it was still warm when I touched my father's hand, but my breathing was very shallow. I hurriedly called my wife up and called my eldest brother and second brother again. On the way to the hospital, my father left.
I didn't expect this day to come so suddenly, and I couldn't help but cry out loud. On the day we brought my father's body back to our hometown, everyone else had arrived except for the third brother and third sister-in-law, who were still on the way.
When the day was about to dawn, the eldest brother and the second brother quietly asked me, my father was fine a few days ago, why did he leave so suddenly? Did I feel too tired to take care of my father, so I didn't do my best? If I think that the money given by the three of them is small, I can tell them directly, there is no need to let my father be wronged.
Although the eldest brother and the second brother were very careful with the wording, their words still broke my heart. I am aggrieved and sad, do I want my father to go? If I think that 500 a month is too little, how can I take care of my father for 5 years?
The eldest sister-in-law and the second sister-in-law asked me again, did my father confess before he died? They heard that their father had a passbook with 20,000 yuan in it, did his father plan to give it to me, or did the three brothers divide it equally?
I didn't know about the passbook, and I cried and explained that when I found out that my father's situation was wrong, he couldn't open his eyes or speak. If I had known that my father would be gone, I would have called them in advance.
The eldest sister-in-law and the second sister-in-law glanced at each other and did not speak. I know they think I took the passbook. I choked up and explained, if I coveted my father's money, I wouldn't take care of him for so long, and I would go out to work and earn more than 20,000 yuan a year, right?
The sister-in-law said that they just asked casually, and I said that if I didn't know, forget it.
The third brother and sister-in-law came back and said that I found that my father was not doing well, and I should have informed them a long time ago, so that I would not not be unable to see my father for the last time. The third brother cried with snot and tears on his face, and blamed me for his words.
I didn't expect that I took care of my father for 5 years, and after my father died, it was not their gratitude that I received, but their complaints.
I told my eldest sister and second sister about these grievances, and the eldest sister said that if I hadn't been so lenient and took my father to my house, there would have been no such things. The second sister advised me not to think too much, the matter has come to this point, and it is too late to say more. We were originally married daughters, and the eldest brother was unwilling to take care of his father, so why should we bother as daughters?
Now that my father has passed away for 4 months, I still panic when I think about it. In the matter of taking care of his father, the eldest brother, the second brother and the third brother did not contribute money, and they did not know the hard work of taking care of the elderly. I also regret that I took care of my parents alone, and if our six children took turns taking care of my father, maybe I wouldn't have complained so much.