The bride price is often two or three hundred thousand yuan, and it also requires "three golds" or "hardware"; In some places, the "sky-high bride price" has been remodeled and renovated......
Around "May Day" is the peak of weddings, and "bride price" has also become a hot topic. An investigation by a reporter from "Xinhua Viewpoint" found that the excessively high bride price caused some young men in rural areas to be forced to borrow money to get married. The "sky-high bride price" not only deviates from the original intention of love and marriage, but also becomes the fuse of family conflicts.
"Sky-high bride price" has derived a new variant
Not long ago, Chen Jianxiong, a young man from Hunan, went to his girlfriend's hometown in Inner Mongolia to propose marriage. The girlfriend's parents proposed that they need to give a bride price of 200,000 yuan before marriage, and buy "three golds" (gold rings, gold necklaces, and gold earrings), and also ask to buy a house of more than 100 square meters in Changsha, and the man will make a down payment.
"This is too much pressure for me, the sum of this money is nearly a million yuan, even if I 'grit my teeth' can't take out so much, I can only find a way to borrow it everywhere. Before the marriage is over, you have to owe a lot of debts first. Chen Jianxiong said that in the face of the "sky-high bride price", he was a little overwhelmed and did not know how to communicate with his family.
In recent years, relevant departments and some regions have stepped up the comprehensive management of high bride prices, and some results have been achieved. But at the same time, the "sky-high bride price" has also derived various new variants.
The reporter interviewed and found that compared with the traditional giving large amounts of cash and buying "three golds", the "sky-high bride price" in some places has evolved into houses, cars, passbooks, etc.
For example, in some counties and districts of Shandong, Henan, and Gansu, there are sayings such as "thousands of purples, thousands of reds, and one piece of green" and "motionless" for the bride price, among which "thousands of purples and thousands of reds and one green" are popular sayings based on the color of the RMB, including 5 yuan for 10,000 sheets, 100 yuan for 1,000 sheets and 50 yuan for a number of pieces, which is more than 150,000 yuan; "Yidong" refers to a car, and "Fudong" refers to having a house in the city.
In some places, the way of asking for a bride price is also changing, and the man has to put a certain amount of money in a passbook or bank card and give it to the woman before marriage. "How much money is not disclosed, but they know each other, mainly to see the sincerity of the man, and also to avoid the man from regretting not giving it on the wedding day." One of the interviewees said.
In order to make the "sky-high bride price" "justified", some rural areas have changed the name of the bride price to "grace money". The interviewees said that when men and women get engaged, they do not mention the word "bride price" on the surface, and the families of both parties do not directly say how much they want to marry a daughter-in-law, but change it to repay the woman's parents for their nurturing kindness. In some places, the man has to buy a large amount of insurance for the woman or her parents before marriage.
Many township and town cadres said that these disguised bride prices are actually no different from the original cash, and these so-called "customs" are not real folk customs, but once the township and town governments, civil affairs and other departments stop or restrain them, they are often accused by the villagers of "destroying customs," so they often "turn a blind eye."
Why is it difficult to stop the wind of "sky-high bride price".
Grassroots cadres and interviewed experts believe that there are multiple reasons behind the frequent occurrence of "sky-high bride prices".
The first is that there is an imbalance in the sex ratio in some rural areas, with more men than women. A survey by Gong Weigang, an associate professor at Wuhan University's Institute of Big Data, shows that from the overall level of the country, the bride price is actually a reflection of the sex ratio at birth across the country to a large extent. The combination of the imbalance in the sex ratio at birth and the flow of women generally determines the imbalance in the marriage market and the level of bride price.
Somewhere in central China, 23-year-old Tang Xiao previously met a girl from a neighboring village through a blind date, and the two parties agreed to get engaged with a bride price of 300,000 yuan. Tang Xiao said that in the local area, if you meet on a blind date, the bride price will be relatively higher, because the two sides have not yet established a relationship foundation, and the amount of the bride price has become a kind of "bargaining chip".
The second is the prevalence of comparison. The reporter interviewed and found that the frequent occurrence of "sky-high bride price" is related to the current trend of "red things" in many areas. The reporter learned from the interview that in some rural areas, in addition to the bride price that starts at more than 100,000 yuan, there are also requirements that the "three golds" cannot be worse than others' homes, hold banquets in the best local hotels, and arrange honeymoon trips. This kind of psychology of comparing with each other has also contributed to the unhealthy atmosphere.
In addition, some women's families have the psychology of "robbing the old and helping the young" and "going with the market". "We don't want a bride price for ourselves, we want it for our children; The bride price is more, and the young couple will have a guaranteed life in the future. The parents of a young woman somewhere in Hunan said. As for whether it will add too much burden to the man's parents, some of the woman's parents said: "It costs money to marry a daughter-in-law for a son, which is justified." The money borrowed by the wife has nothing to do with the young couple. ”
There are also some young women who say that other girls around them want a bride price, and if they don't want it, they will appear to be "low-worth" and "faceless".
In some matchmaking markets, matchmakers are often paid a percentage of the bride price. In order to obtain more income, some matchmakers will deliberately raise the market and fuel the flames in their matchmaking behavior, which also makes the bride price rise all the way.
Some village cadres said that at present, many young people are working in large and medium-sized cities and county seats, and there is a comparative mentality among them. In order to ensure the security of married life, the man's house in the county has become a "prerequisite" for the woman to choose a marriage, and the "three golds" have also become "hardware" and even "seven golds" and "nine golds".
Let marriage begin with love, and let the bride price return to the ceremony
The reporter's investigation found that the high-priced bride price is easy to cause marital conflicts. Searching for relevant keywords in the China Judgment Network, there are not a few cases in which the husband pays a high bride price before marriage, and there are many cases of divorce and property disputes caused by various problems after marriage.
At a press conference held by the Supreme People's Court, the Ministry of Civil Affairs, and the All-China Women's Federation in December last year on "Promoting the Change of Customs and Controlling High Bride Prices," Chen Yifang, president of the First Civil Division of the Supreme People's Court, said that judging from the situation reflected in judicial practice, the number of cases involving bride price disputes has been on the rise in recent years. From the settlement of a large number of disputes, it can be seen that a high bride price is not the secret to ensuring family happiness, but may become the fuse of contradictions and disputes, which is not only not conducive to the establishment and long-term stability of the marital relationship, but also easy to cause confrontation, contradictions and conflicts between the two families.
In August 2022, eight departments, including the Ministry of Agriculture and Rural Affairs, the Central Civilization Office, and the Ministry of Civil Affairs, jointly issued the "Work Plan for Carrying out Special Governance of Outstanding Problems in Key Areas of Rural Migration and Customs, such as High-priced Bride Prices and Large-scale Operations", proposing that the goal of governance is to effectively curb the continuous spread of outdated and bad habits such as high-priced bride prices in some areas.
Article 2 of the "Provisions of the Supreme People's Court on Several Issues Concerning the Application of Law in the Trial of Cases Involving Disputes Involving Bride Prices", which came into effect on February 1 this year, points out that it is forbidden to solicit property under the pretext of marriage. Where one party extorts property in the name of a bride price under the pretext of marriage, and the other party requests to return it, the people's court shall support it.
In recent years, some localities have introduced policies to rectify the problem of "sky-high bride price". For example, Ningling County, Henan Province, has incorporated wedding and funeral customs into village rules and regulations, advocating that the bride price should not be higher than 30,000 yuan. Eight departments of Ningxia Hui Autonomous Region recently jointly issued the implementation opinions on the special management of high bride price, and formulated 12 positive guidance measures and 5 negative restraint measures.
The interviewed experts said that the phenomenon of "sky-high bride price" is difficult to fundamentally change by relying on a paper ban alone, and it is more important to strengthen publicity and continue to improve the social atmosphere.
Wang Zhongwu, a professor of sociology at Shandong University, believes that village-level red and white councils should be encouraged to play a role and promote the change of customs in the form of village rules and conventions. At the same time, relevant departments can lead the new trend of marriage customs by organizing group weddings, improving marriage services, and party members and cadres playing a leading and exemplary role.
Wu Xinyan, director of the Department of Sociology of the School of Philosophy and History and Culture of Biquan College of Xiangtan University, said that to deal with the "sky-high bride price", it is necessary to pay attention to the social problems behind the bride price. At the social level, it is necessary to continue to publicize the concept of civilization, so that the good habits of diligence and thrift, health and progress, and opposition to luxury and waste will be deeply rooted in the hearts of the people. In addition, it is also necessary to strengthen the social welfare security system and pay attention to protecting women's rights and interests, so that women can have a sufficient sense of security in the process of marriage and childbirth, and change the social atmosphere.
Source: Xinhua News Agency