I once heard a saying: "When some secrets are spoken, there is an entrance to evil." ”
Yes, since it is a secret, it is not appropriate to declare it to others.
In this life, it takes three years to learn to speak, but it takes a lifetime to learn to shut up.
When chatting with people on weekdays, you can never avoid the topic of children.
But being open-mouthed is a taboo in life, and it is understandable to share occasionally, and you must keep your mouth shut at the key point.
No matter how good the relationship with outsiders is, don't reveal the "3 secrets" of your children, this is wisdom, but also the foresight of life.
Your children are doing a good job, don't show off to others
It has been said, "The most difficult thing for a person to practice is to resist the urge to show off." ”
The mother is valued by the son, and the father is honored by the son. When your children grow up and have a stable and promising job, you are the greatest pride of being a parent.
But it's good for the child to know his or her excellence, and don't use it as a capital to show off to others.
There is a neighbor in my hometown, Aunt Zhang, who talks about her son being a manager in a large company with a monthly salary of tens of thousands.
even took the initiative to help Aunt Li's son introduce work, and Aunt Li sent a basket of fruits as a thank you.
Later, Aunt Li's son successfully entered the company after recommendation, but he relied on the "manager relatives" to brag about himself, and he also deserted openly, and even failed the probationary assessment, and returned to his hometown in disgrace.
Aunt Li was angry, and complained and gossiped among the neighbors: "The old Zhang family receives gifts very quickly, but they don't do practical things."
Aunt Zhang's son was impeached by his subordinates for arranging work, and Aunt Zhang herself was depressed because of gossip, and even fell ill because of it.
Since then, Aunt Zhang has never dared to mention her children's work at will.
Aunt Zhang's "showmanship" can be said to have made her son miserable and hurt herself.
It is not easy for children to work hard outside, if they are in a key position, they must be cautious, and if they do not say a word of their parents, they will offend people at least and affect their children's careers.
In the TV series "In the Name of the People", after Qi Tongwei was promoted, his parents wantonly proclaimed that Qi Tongwei had become a big official in front of the neighbors.
didn't expect that this behavior would bring great disaster to Qi Tongwei in the future.
The seven aunts and eight aunts who rarely come and go have come to visit relatives, Qi Tongwei is concerned about the family one by one, Qi Tongwei's parents don't know how to refuse relatives, and they don't know how to persuade their son.
Later, even if his old family committed a serious crime, he dared to shield favoritism.
It was this kind of behavior that pulled him into the abyss step by step, and an inspirational talented man finally went to the end of breaking the law and committing suicide by drinking bullets, which is really hateful and pathetic!
Only when you have experienced it yourself can you truly understand:
Keep your mouth shut and don't talk about your children's work, you are self-respecting and responsible for your children.
Full of losses, humble benefits. Life is impermanent, the more you show something, the easier it is to lose something, humility and low-key is the smart way to deal with the world.
The love of parents for their children is far-reaching.
When your children do a good job, don't show off to others, and avoid their edge is the great wisdom.
Don't make a public statement about your children's financial situation
There is a popular post on the web:
"My mother shows off her annual salary of 300,000 yuan everywhere, and relatives in my hometown have borrowed money from me, and I have lent more than 100,000 yuan! What to do? ”
The blogger is a programmer who worked overtime and stayed up late to do projects, and finally ushered in a promotion and salary increase, so he shared the joy of his annual salary of 300,000 yuan with his mother.
I haven't been happy for a few days, and my relatives in my hometown have called.
"This one said he wanted to borrow 30,000 yuan to get married, and the other said he wanted to borrow 50,000 yuan to see a doctor...... It hurt me to panic when I heard the phone ringing, and now I have lent out more than 100,000 yuan, and I am worried about how to get it back in the future. ”
Many netizens shared their experiences in the comment area.
Some people say:
"My dad went out for a drink, and when I came back, my cousin from my hometown added me to WeChat and asked me if I needed to manage my finances.
He even came to his house with gifts and introduced financial products in person.
Seeing that we were really interested, I said in tears that I was forced by the performance to have no choice, and I heard my father say that I had saved a lot of money to come to us, and among my relatives, only I could afford to buy it.
Only then did I realize that it was my father who caused the trouble, and it took a lot of effort to send people away. ”
It was also said:
"I quit my job a while ago to recuperate and stayed at home for a while.
When people asked about my mother, she frankly told me the fact that I was gnawing at home. Unexpectedly, the square dance aunts who danced together didn't take her to play.
The reason is that a certain rich aunt is talking cool behind her back, and she is sarcastic that she did not teach her daughter well.
People who hate the poor and love the rich also pointed at her and alienated her. ”
It is true that whether children have money or not, how they live has nothing to do with outsiders.
Easily using your children's financial situation as a talking point not only brings unnecessary trouble to yourself, but also suffers from it.
As Hu Shi said:
"The greatest evil of human nature is that there is a hatred of people and laughter, and they think you are poor and afraid that you are rich."
The greatest sorrow of a family is not that there is no money, but that parents tell others about their privacy.
If you are rich, you will only be jealous, attract a group of people who borrow money and take advantage of small advantages, and even cause unwarranted jealousy and bring disaster to the family.
Being poor will not help you, it will only make your children criticized for not having money, and it will become a joke and gossip after dinner.
Principled parents know how to subtly change the subject or answer vaguely to avoid revealing their children's financial situation.
Not revealing the family background is the most basic wisdom for dealing with people, and protecting the financial secrets of the children also protects the children's future.
Swallowing the secret of whether your children have money or not, and making a fortune behind closed doors is the secret of a family's long-term prosperity.
Children's marital contradictions, don't go around publicizing them
There is such a dialogue in "Five Lantern Huiyuan", which is impressive:
Question: How is Huachengjian the style of each family? Said: I don't want to say.
Q: Why? Said: The ugliness of the family is not publicized.
It is normal for the young couple to have occasional quarrels.
Some parents, when they hear their daughter-in-law's angry words "divorce", are eager to seek help from outsiders to reveal their son's and daughter-in-law's private affairs.
However, good things don't go out, bad things spread thousands of miles, and people with ulterior motives will come up with ideas, and even add fuel and vinegar to fan the flames.
The last small thing that is the size of a sesame seed is well known, which not only damages the face of the son and daughter-in-law, but also makes the conflict continue to escalate, which is not conducive to family harmony.
In the TV series "Home of the Heart", Gu Shihong can be regarded as generous and benevolent, thinking that the family will live a good life, but he is always unclear about his son's marriage.
As soon as his son and daughter-in-law quarreled, he was nervous, and as a father-in-law, it was inconvenient to mediate, so his first reaction was to call and ask his daughter to come back to deal with his son and daughter-in-law.
Daughter Gu Qingyu reluctantly said to her father: "Maybe they will be reconciled before I get home."
In fact, when Gu Qingyu arrived home, Gu Lei and his wife had indeed reconciled.
His behavior caused his daughter to interfere too much in his son Gu Lei's married life, his daughter-in-law was angry, and his daughter was also burdened with unfinished "family affairs" and was exhausted.
Psychology master Hellinger famously said: "A good family must have a sense of boundaries." ”
No matter what relationship, there are boundaries that cannot be crossed, even if it is a close relative, Gu Qingyu is just an "outsider" who intervenes in the relationship between Gu Lei and his wife.
When there is a conflict in the son's marriage, the parents in it are at a loss, let alone outsiders who don't understand the cause and effect.
Wise parents act as a lubricant for family relationships.
If children do wrong things, they will be tactfully admonished, if there are misunderstandings, they will be skillfully reconciled, and those who really can't be managed will simply let go and let them solve it by themselves.
This is the case with a reader friend @Yulan:
When her son and daughter-in-law quarreled, she would first criticize her son, remind him that it was not easy to understand his wife, and then hide silently and leave the young couple with independent space.
The daughter and son-in-law went home with their luggage, and the neighbors inquired, but she only said that her daughter was homesick.
No matter how much she quarrels between her children and her lover, she will protect the children's face and not let outsiders judge or interfere.
The family often gets together and has a harmonious and happy relationship.
People around her praised her for running the family, but she only smiled and said that her children were filial and she was blessed.
Home is shelter and belonging, maintain a sense of boundaries, keep the children's family secrets, and support each other, so that life can get better and better.
I like a sentence from the writer Xue Xiaozen:
"When people reach a certain age, they are recycled. Three or two confidants, a cup of weak tea, and live life as you want. ”
When you are old, nagging is a habit, and keeping your mouth is cultivation.
Understand that loneliness is the norm in life, and cut off the ineffective social interactions that need to be established by exchanging children's secrets.
Children do a good job, don't show off to others, it's cultivation; Children's economic status, don't make a public statement, it is wisdom; Children's marital conflicts, don't go around publicizing them, it's respect.
It's hard to open your eyes when you see through the world, and you nod secretly after reading all the people's feelings.
I hope you will understand human nature for the rest of your life, master proportion, learn to restrain your mouth, leave a way back for your children, and save face for yourself.