#精品长文创作季#
In mainland tradition, the child's surname should follow the father's.
In fact, this situation does not only occur on the mainland, but also in most foreign countries.
In many countries, not only children take their father's surname, but also wives take their husband's surname, such as the United States, Japan, etc.
The reason for this is usually related to the long-standing patriarchal system.
In the course of thousands of years of human development, the phenomenon of preference for sons over daughters has always existed.
For those with patriarchal attitudes, only boys are the ones in a family who can inherit the lineage.
However, in modern society, people's ideas have long changed, coupled with the optimization of family structure, this feudal thinking has gradually faded.
More and more families are behaving like no equals, even preferring women over men.
In this situation, the status of women in the family is significantly improved.
The issue of children's surnames is no longer as strict as in the past, and many children have their mother's surname.
Due to the implementation of the family planning policy in the early years, a large number of only children appeared.
For families with only one daughter, they want their daughter's offspring to take their surname, but the man also wants his children to take his surname.
For the sake of fairness, in families with two or more children, one takes the father's surname and the other takes the mother's surname.
It's obviously the same father and mother, but the surname is different, is this good or bad?
1. Because the brother and sister have different surnames, they are mistaken for a reorganized family
A few days ago, my son, who is in the third grade of elementary school, excitedly told me after school that two students had been transferred to their class.
A boy, a girl, the boy's name is Zhang Jiajun, and the girl's name is Mo Jiaxin.
After listening to my son's words, I think the two children are quite fateful.
The words in the middle of the name are exactly the same, and they are transferred to the same class, just like brothers and sisters.
I thought it was a coincidence, but I didn't expect to eat a melon that night.
There is a parent group in the school, and parents of new transfer students will also join.
When I saw the self-introduction in the group, I realized that the two children really came from the same family and were a pair of brothers and sisters.
Although they are brothers and sisters in the same family, but their surnames are different, my first reaction was to reorganize the family.
The parents of the two children are likely to be married for the second time, and each brought their own children to form the current family.
Because I was really curious, I added the child's mother's WeChat and expressed my doubts.
The child's mother told me that they were not a reconstituted family, and that she and the child's father were both first-married.
Both children were born to them, one taking their father's surname and the other their mother's surname.
Hearing the child's mother's answer, I finally understood what was going on.
This situation is not uncommon in today's society, and a colleague once joked that in the future, he would discuss with the man to have two children, one with her surname and the other with the man's surname.
Because this colleague is the only daughter in the family, her parents have only one child.
It is also a great comfort for parents if their children can follow their surname.
The idea that a child takes his father's surname has long been ingrained, so why is modern people changing so quickly? There are two main reasons for this.
First of all, the two-child and three-child policies have been opened, and the mainland has practiced family planning for many years, and there are many single-child families.
Since the liberalization of the two-child and three-child policies, more and more families have chosen to have a second or third child, and people have more opportunities to choose the surname of their children.
The second is the openness of social concepts, and modern people's thinking is relatively avant-garde.
There is no sympathy for the idea of male dominance in the family, which is why more and more people are embracing this practice.
2. What are the disadvantages of having different surnames for children in a family?
In the eyes of many young people, the relationship between husband and wife is stable, and if two or more children are born, the surname of the child can also be "divided".
Although this approach seems fair, after a few years, there will be many drawbacks.
1. Affect children's cognition
Children are young, have limited cognitive abilities, and do not fully understand family ethics, let alone that their parents do this to stabilize their relationships.
Children only know that they have different surnames from their siblings, and over time, they may develop misunderstandings.
For example, a child who takes his father's surname will feel that his mother does not love him and only loves other children who take her surname.
Once a child has such thoughts, it will inevitably affect the parent-child relationship, and even affect the child's character development.
If a child tells someone his or her name and also emphasizes that the child is a sibling with a different surname than his/her own, it is generally considered a reconstituted family.
When this happens, the child has to explain it over and over again in order not to be misunderstood.
There are many situations like this, and there will always be times when you get bored.
And as children grow older and gradually enter an emotionally sensitive period, it is easy to lose patience.
2. There is a sense of alienation between children
Two children of the same father and mother have different surnames, which often invisibly distances the children and makes them feel alienated.
is obviously close to each other, but because of a surname, they can't get too close, and the relationship between brothers and sisters will become weaker and weaker.
If there is a quarrel between the parents, the two children will choose to oppose their father or mother because of the problem of surname.
For example, Dabao is more likely to be biased towards his father if he takes his father's surname, and Erbao is more likely to be biased towards his mother if he follows his mother's surname.
3. The father's sense of presence is reduced, which may affect the relationship between husband and wife
Although modern people are becoming more and more open-minded, the traditional concept of taking the father's surname has long been ingrained, and not everyone can completely free themselves from this concept.
For most men, if the child does not take their surname, the sense of presence is reduced.
Just imagine, when you go out with your child, when others learn the child's name, most of them think they are stepfathers or relatives.
In this way, the sense of presence becomes even lower.
Although many men, out of love for women, are willing to let one or more children in the family take their mother's surname.
But someday in the future, they may regret their decision.
Regret is even greater when exposed to the world's eyes.
They usually think that they are their own children, but they don't follow their surnames, no matter how they look at themselves, they look like outsiders, or the woman's son-in-law.
When this thought becomes more and more apparent, the feelings between the couple can also suffer.
4. The elderly are treated differently
Compared with young people, middle-aged and elderly people have more obvious traditional concepts, and it is difficult for them to accept new things in a short period of time, let alone have two children in the family with different surnames.
There are some elderly people who value family inheritance very much, and in this case, they may prefer grandchildren with the same surname as themselves.
Although I know in my heart that the other children are also biological, because of the different surnames, I always feel separated by a layer and don't want to get too close to them.
Nowadays, many families are young people who are busy working outside the home, and the elderly are taking care of their children at home.
If the nature of the two children is different, it is very likely that the elderly of both parties will be treated differently when they bring the children.
Children with their father's surname may be more likely to be loved by their grandparents, while children with their mother's surname are more popular with their grandparents, and it will become more common for a bowl of water to be uneven in the family.
3. Be careful when choosing a surname for your child
The law does not have strict rules on surnames, and children can take either their father's or their mother's surname.
If there are special circumstances, the surname can be changed if the conditions are met, such as in some restructured families, the child will follow the stepfather's surname.
However, from the perspective of social concepts and emotions, it is necessary to be careful when choosing a surname for a child.
It is recommended to consider the following aspects:
1. Communicate honestly
As the parents of the child, both parties must be honest enough to discuss the child's last name openly.
One party cannot be left to make a forced decision, and the other party is completely compromised.
Only when both parties participate together and twist into a rope can they choose a suitable surname for their children.
For example, if the man offers to let the child take the woman's surname, and the woman readily agrees, there is nothing wrong with this situation.
2. Ask your elders for their opinions
Of course, couples also need to consider the feelings of the elders in the family, and they should communicate with the elders before deciding on the child's surname.
If the elders are very open-minded and do not stick to traditional ideas, regardless of the child's surname, they can make a bowl of water even, this is the best outcome.
If there is a big disagreement among the elders about the child's surname, then the couple should think about it.
The surname is just a mark, and it cannot replace blood, and if you give up blood kinship because of a mark, it is really worth the loss.
This is the time to find a compromise that satisfies everyone.
3. Consider your child's future development
Before deciding on your child's surname, you should also fully consider their future development and try to create a good environment for your child's growth.
A surname is not only a bloodline inheritance, but also an important symbol of social identity and belonging.
Therefore, when choosing a surname, you need to consider the cultural traditions of the family, but also consider future planning.
As a simple example, if the father's family is more prosperous, and both parents want their children to integrate into the father's family system, it is generally recommended to follow the father's surname.
If the mother's surname is beneficial to the child's future development, it is recommended to take the mother's surname.
summary
A surname is completely different from a blood relationship, and it is impossible for the two to replace each other.
Therefore, everyone should still put blood first, and don't pay too much attention to the surname.
As long as it is good for the child and the family, and it complies with the law, there is no problem with the surname.
If two children in the family have different surnames and the children have raised questions, parents should patiently explain and give positive guidance to let the children form correct cognitions.
Resources:
Yanmei Says Finance 2024-03-07 "One of the two babies follows their father's surname and the other follows their mother's surname, which seems fair, but the disadvantages will appear in a few years"
He He's mother loves to learn 2024-03-21 "One of the two children follows their father's surname and the other follows their mother's surname, which seems fair, and the disadvantages will appear in a few years"
Fanfan Mother Parenting 2023-08-13 "Two-child family, Dabao follows the father's surname, and Erbao follows the mother's surname, which seems to be trendy, but in fact it hides "hidden dangers"