Have you ever been troubled like this, usually like to help others, like to do something with your hands?
Over time, you will become a good old man that everyone praises.
However, when you reject someone one day, you are complained by the other party.
We must know that excessive good people are cheap, and we should have the ability to refuse, to defend our legitimate rights and interests, and to achieve ourselves.
If you don't know how to refuse, you can only be yourself
"Because when we enter society, we need the affirmation and recognition of others, so we will inevitably think of obedience and obedience."
This is a sentence from "Don't Lose on Not Refusing", and it is also a problem that most of us have encountered.
When Xiao Zhu first joined the company, he often took the initiative to help his colleagues run errands, just to get their approval.
She goes to the company early every day to clean up the countertops, clean, and often helps colleagues bring breakfast and be on duty.
Soon, she became a good person in everyone's hearts.
When Xiao Zhu was too busy, she wanted to refuse some errand tasks.
What she didn't expect was that she was rejected by the other party instead, and she was also labeled as a "shelf".
There is no way, in order to maintain the image of a good person, Xiao Zhu continues to help his colleagues run errands.
Once, she cheated on her manager in order to run errands for her supervisor.
When the manager found out, he scolded her for not having the integrity she should have in the workplace.
Xiao Zhu felt ashamed in her heart and had to resign.
When she called her colleagues to say goodbye, the response she received was:
"Now that you're gone, you're leaving behind some lazy people, but it's hurting us."
None of my colleagues had a word of comfort.
There is a sentence in "Don't Lose on Not Refusing" that fits Xiao Zhu's image very well:
"Good people are often ignored and even become irrelevant because of their lack of individuality."
For Xiao Zhu's colleagues, her departure is only equivalent to one less servant, and it doesn't matter at all.
Maybe rejection is really hard for some people to say, even if they don't want to, they will agree.
Ms. Liu is a very warm person, and usually greets her friends with polite words, such as "Come to my house to have fun." ”
I didn't expect one of her friends to take it seriously.
A friend told Ms. Liu that she wanted to take her children to stay at her house for three weeks during the summer vacation.
When Ms. Liu heard this, she wanted to refuse, but she agreed anyway.
In the end, Ms. Liu's peaceful life was shattered by a friend.
My friend's son is too naughty, and his own daughter is also very troubled.
In desperation, Ms. Liu drove away her friend, and the relationship between the two became awkward.
There is a saying in "Don't Lose on Not Refusing" that is very true:
"There is nothing wrong with taking into account feelings, but if you can't do something because of your feelings, you have to reluctantly accept it, then it will do both parties a hundred harms and no benefits."
Because of Ms. Liu's reluctance to agree, she and her daughter were disturbed, and they also had an unpleasant relationship with their friends.
Such a reluctant promise is really better than refusing it in the first place.
Learn to say no in order to earn true respect
Can you believe it?
Some people think that if they don't reject others, they can gain respect from others.
Ms. Su, 38, was disliked for being overweight since she was a child, so she was worried that others would try to please others if they didn't play with her.
She thinks that in this way, she can gain the approval of others, and she does not dare to refuse other people's requests.
This kind of blind pleasing to others is still maintained until he gets married.
So after she got married, she had to take care of her parents, husband and children in her life, and she worked very hard.
In addition, she joined a charitable organization and was responsible for most of the work.
With such a large workload, she still doesn't dare to give up a certain part, just for fear of not being recognized by others.
But can this way of currying favor with others really gain the respect of others?
Sura was somewhat similar to her situation before she counterattacked.
Sura is a stay-at-home mom, and she has always pursued the model of male dominance and female dominance, so her husband is only responsible for earning money to support the family, and Sula takes care of all the chores of the house.
Sula's husband and 4 children don't have to worry about anything when they get home, they just need to enjoy Sula's services.
This pattern continued until Sula fell ill, and there was a radical change.
When Sula first fell ill and needed to recuperate, she felt guilty about her family.
However, the family did not care about her condition at all, but felt that there was no one to take care of their lives.
It was only then that Sulla realized that he had put in his years of dedication and raised a pack of white-eyed wolves.
"Don't Lose on Not Refusing" has a good saying:
"Any sense of self-esteem built up by pleasing others and gaining the approval of others is illusory and can be defeated by the negation of others at any time."
Sula felt this false sense of self-esteem from the bottom of her heart, so she decided to fight back.
After her mother helped her recuperate, she showed in front of the whole family that she would no longer be obedient to them.
She will refuse some of their unreasonable demands and let them take their responsibilities.
Because she felt:
"If I don't respect myself, you can't learn to respect me."
Yes, the recognition we need most comes from ourselves, not from others.
Only by effectively refusing can we fulfill ourselves
In order to be respected by others, we need to say "no" to unreasonable demands, but if we refuse in the wrong way, it can also cause problems for ourselves.
Knowing how to say no is not only an ability, but also a skill
The important thing is to learn the technique of rejection of others.
1. Keep an appropriate distance at all times
Keeping a certain distance from others is also an attitude of showing one's rejection.
"Don't Lose on Not Refusing" once mentioned:
"The principle of moderation."
There used to be two hedgehogs that needed to hug each other for warmth during the cold winter months.
But they are covered in thorns, and if they get too close together, they will all be hurt by each other's thorns, and eventually they find a suitable distance.
The relationship can last longer if you can enjoy the warmth without being hurt.
In our daily lives, if we keep a certain distance from others, we can also save ourselves a lot of trouble.
2. Use body language wisely
Rejection doesn't have to be spoken, and body language can be a good way to say no to others.
For example, when we are full as infants, we will refuse to be fed by shaking our heads.
In addition to shaking the head, we can also make use of other body language.
For example, straighten your waist and reject others in momentum.
Constantly change your movements to kill the desire of others to talk.
Hands crossed and feet overlapped indicate a rejection of change.
Refusing to make eye contact and disrupting the other person is also conducive to expressing your refusal.
3. Sell a flaw to give people steps
In our daily lives, we may be able to adopt some techniques to avoid the unreasonable demands of others, but what can we do when we can't avoid them in the workplace?
We can sell a flaw to the other party and make the other party withdraw the unreasonable demand.
"Don't Lose on Not Refusing" has a little story that very cleverly rejects other people's unreasonable demands.
The customer wanted to return a high-end shirt, but when the salesperson refused, he said:
"Clothes you wear cannot be returned."
The customer was immediately annoyed.
When the situation is more difficult, the salesperson says:
"You may not have moved, maybe someone in the family has moved, and I have encountered such a situation myself."
"Really? Then I'll go home and ask. ”
The customer walked away with his shirt as he spoke.
In fact, the reason given by the salesperson is not perfect.
But this reason can be a good way to retreat into advance, while rejecting people, but also giving the other party a step down.
So, skillfully reject others.
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Learning to say no is a woman's most important ability.
Only by learning to refuse can we not wronged ourselves and better be recognized and respected by others.
At the same time, it is also the ability that we should have.
Learning a little rejection skills can help us say no effectively without hurting others, so why not?
I hope you and I can learn more skills in rejecting others from the book "Don't Lose and Don't Refuse".