来源 | 每日蒙台梭利（ID：montessori-daily）◐
The American psychologist Seidz once said: "People are like ceramics, and they will form the prototype of a lifetime when they are young." ”
There is also a saying in China: three years old is big, seven years old is old.
Children who have been "managed" and "unmanaged" since childhood end up living two completely different lives!
Everything in the world, things that have been done wrong can be repeated, but the growth of children is irreversible.
Parents, like things, have an "expiration date".
Children are the most precious gift that God has given to parents, once you don't cherish them;
If you miss this expiration date, God will take back this sweet gift.
Therefore, many parents have learned to cherish this "expiration date" and discipline their children with their hearts.
However, sometimes it brings indelible psychological trauma to children because of improper methods of disciplining children.
A good education always needs the hard work of parents. The gap between children is actually the gap between parents in terms of educational methods.
If you want to raise a self-disciplined child, it depends on your attitude towards these 3 things.
There is disagreement on education, and the biggest victims are children
Every outstanding child is "disciplined" by his parents.
It can be said that what kind of person a child can become in the future depends largely on the usual parental discipline.
And around us, there are many such parents:
A bottomless spoiling has caused the child to do whatever he wants.
An almost ruthless harshness that causes the child to be timid and inferior.
"One sings red face, the other sings white face" This is a real problem faced by many family education.
If parents don't educate consistently, children's hearts will be easily confused.
Because parents have different requirements for the same thing, they will be confused for their children.
Especially for children before the age of 6, it is a critical period for the establishment of various behavioral habits and rules;
If the parents are not the same in their way of educating and have different views on things, the child will feel very confused and do not know who to listen to.
If this goes on for a long time, the child will learn to take advantage of the loopholes. Whoever has an opinion that is beneficial to him, choose the one that is most beneficial to him.
Gradually, they learned to "pursue advantages and avoid disadvantages", and even some children will become "yang and yin" when they grow up, forming a dual personality.
For example, the once popular TV series "The Hidden Corner", a story about the development of "bad boys", has aroused a lot of thought-provoking social issues.
Zhang Chaoyang, one of the protagonists, although he is a top student, has no friends in the class.
Dad's cowardice and mother's strength make Zhang Chaoyang yearn for his father's love on the one hand, and escape from his mother's control on the other.
So he pandered to his mother and became his mother's "good son"; One side becomes distorted in the tug-of-war of inner longing and escape.
Lose oneself, suppress oneself, and become a two-faced personality with one set in front and one behind the back.
Professor Li Meijin once said: "To manage children, you only need one voice." ”
Husband and wife are of the same heart, and their profits are broken. Excellent parents know how to educate "alliances".
If the child has a problem, he will criticize the education together, and if the child has a shining point, he will praise and encourage him together.
Keeping the same attitude and keeping the same pace in front of your child will have the best educational effect.
Only give material satisfaction, ignore accompanying growth
Parents and children have always been in a state of mutual fulfillment.
The cuteness of children can heal the bitterness of parents' life and bring courage and strength to parents;
The love and companionship of parents is the most important nutrient solution for children's growth.
Excellent children are all accompanied.
Zeng Guofan said: "Those who seek great things are the first priority. "Parents have a big picture, and children can go long-term.
As parents, we should not only care about whether our children are well fed and warmly dressed, but also care about our children at the spiritual level.
What children need most is not all kinds of toys, but the company of their parents.
Have you thought about these three questions before becoming a parent:
- Do you have enough time to spend with your child's development?
- Do you have enough patience to spend time with your child?
- Do you know the characteristics of your child's development at each age and can guide you in time?
I once discussed the issue of children's companionship with friends, and many friends complained that they were too busy with work and really couldn't spare time to spend with their children.
"I'm sorry, child, I can't hold you if I hold the brick, and I can't support you if I put down the brick."
This is a true portrayal of most dual-income families, who have to run around in order to earn money, have no time to play with their children, and even do not see their children for a long time.
It is important to provide for a family, and it is even more important to accompany children. The career can be restarted, but the child's growth is irreversible.
Being busy is really not a reason to be absent from a child's growth.
For most parents, busyness is the norm in life.
This requires every parent to make good use of every detail and fragment of time in life to accompany their children with high quality.
For example, do a science experiment with your child, do housework together, and do a handicraft that your child likes together;
If you can't see your child all day long, you can record a small video in advance and send it to your child every day.
Children will send what they want to say every day, happy or unhappy, interesting or difficult to encounter, to parents who can't meet in person through video, and then reply seriously when parents have time. When you pour companionship, patience, and love into your child, the child will naturally return to you with a self as bright as a star.
Ask only the child, but relax yourself
Every word and deed of parents is a "benchmark" for children to imitate.
Parents must first be the kind of person their child wants to become.
Children have an ability that we adults can't see, and that is the absorbing mind.
Dr. Montessori once likened the "absorbent mind" to a sponge absorbing water and a camera.
It means that children grow up staring at their parents, and children learn what their parents are.
Dr. Montessori mentioned in his original book, The Absorbing Mind, that this mind accepts everything, does not judge, does not reject, and does not respond.
This mind absorbs everything and internalizes it as a part of itself in the child's mind.
Children are natural imitators, and the appearance of each child is the upbringing of the original family.
Every word and deed of parents will be projected on their children, which in turn will have a profound impact on their children's lives.
Therefore, the most taboo point in disciplining children is that parents only have to reason with their children, but they can't do it themselves.
If you want your children to read, you have to pick up the books first, instead of holding your mobile phone and swiping short videos to kill time.
If you want your child to say goodbye to friction and be more self-disciplined, you have to do it yourself.
Children will never obediently listen to adults, but they will certainly imitate adults.
The best education is influence, and only by setting an example for parents and becoming a role model for their children can children grow up to be what their parents expect. There are countless examples that tell us that children are what parents are.
Only when we become a better version of ourselves can we guide our children to become better people.
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