Ueno Chi鹤子曾说:
"If a woman is mentally poor, obsessed with being loved, and desperate for recognition, it will be difficult to save her from her predicament, no matter what abilities and resources she enjoys."
When a person pins the source of happiness on others, in fact, he has lost the power of self-control.
"Money always goes to those who are not short of money, and love always goes to those who are not short of love."
Although this sentence pierces the heart, it tells a certain truth in love.
Those who are rich in heart and independent and confident are often more likely to attract the attention and affection of others.
The more you grab, the farther away
The philosopher Marcus Aurelius said:
"You can't find your inner peace on the outside of life;
You can only find it in your heart. ”
True peace is not about how much we get, but how much we cherish.
People who are inherently lacking have a hole in their hearts, and they can't fill it no matter how much they fill it.
Even if the opportunity for happiness is in front of you, you always miss out on happiness and beauty.
Fan Shengmei in the TV series "Ode to Joy" is such a typical character.
She struggled alone in Shanghai, with a monthly salary of more than 10,000 yuan but still had to be careful in her calculations, living in a shared house, not only to provide living expenses for her parents, but also to buy a house for them in a small county town and take on a loan.
However, her efforts were not appreciated by her parents, and were instead used to pay off her brother's debts and even advance her living expenses in advance.
Her brother is lazy and causes trouble everywhere.
In such a native family, Fan Shengmei not only has to take care of her elderly parents, but also helps her brother and sister-in-law's family.
This patriarchal family environment made her feel deeply lacking in her heart and longed for love and life security from others.
When Wang Baichuan, a high school classmate with a successful career, appeared, she saw a life-saving straw, pinning all her happiness and hope on him.
However, in this relationship, she suffers from gains and losses, and is eager for quick success.
Desperate for her boyfriend and his parents' approval, she intervened in his business and demanded that he call customers during the Spring Festival to make appointments.
Because she didn't have a house, she urged Wang Baichuan to buy a house, but she almost collapsed when she learned that her name was not written on the real estate certificate.
Some people say that Fan Shengmei is too snobbish, but as everyone knows, she is also a victim.
The suffocating family of origin made her extremely insecure and belonging, and she wanted to escape but couldn't get out.
If a person's heart is lacking, no matter how much he grasps it, it will not only make people lose themselves, but also invisibly push away the happiness that is within reach.
Bi Shumin once said:
"A person with a sense of security, like a tiny star hanging in the sky, will automatically and continuously emit a warm light, illuminating both himself and others."
Don't expect others to fill the black hole in your heart.
The most reliable sense of security is always given by oneself.
The more dependent, the more lost
Seneca Says:
"People are afraid because they don't know their own power."
In the TV series "Next Stop Happiness", Yang Xiaoyu chose to deceive himself because of his inner lack of confidence and fear, and experienced betrayal.
But in the end, she chooses to face reality and find herself again.
At the beginning, when her best friend revealed the news of her husband's cheating, she actually knew about it, but she didn't dare to break it, hoping that her husband would turn back.
Because a woman is pregnant with two treasures, with a big treasure, no job, no income.
Divorced rashly, she didn't even have milk powder money, she laughed at herself where she got the confidence to divorce.
She once sighed:
"Once this woman gets married, she has changed from 'me' to 'someone else's wife', 'someone else's mother', and 'someone else's daughter-in-law', but after becoming a mother, she has lost her human qualifications."
chose to endure humiliation, in the final analysis, it was the sense of lack in her heart that made her fall into the cage of fear.
She is afraid that she will not be able to raise her children after the divorce, that the divorce will bring harm to the children, and that she will not be able to find a job.
Therefore, she needs a man and a family to maintain the status quo, constantly tolerating and compromising repeatedly.
However, when she learns that her husband is courteous in front of other women, and dislikes her for the smell of and milky smell that cannot be dispersed, she completely despairs of this man.
But she knows that blindly filing for divorce must be at a disadvantage.
So she didn't cry or make trouble, silently collected evidence of her husband's cheating, and finally won half of the property and made her life secure.
In the end, she put on a delicate makeup, appeared in front of her husband in the best posture, and firmly filed for divorce:
"I'm going to go back to Yang Xiaoyu."
Once, a deep sense of deprivation made Yang Xiaoyu lose herself in this marriage.
But fortunately, she finally chose to face it bravely and conquered all the fears in her heart.
In "Ode to Joy", when Fan Shengmei broke up with Wang Baichuan, she said something like this:
"If we can start over, I also hope to start again in our own independent posture, I have to learn to stand up on my own, I am qualified to have love."
Everyone is an independent individual, with independent ability, is the capital of a woman to get out of the cage of intimacy.
When you're radiant, you just have to wait for happiness to knock on your door.
Gibran said:
"Marriage is two parallel lines, parallel to each other, but not intersecting."
A good intimate relationship never expects the partner to be the role of a savior, but rather to remain intact individuals who come together because of mutual attraction and respect.
In the final analysis, people in this life are all about getting along with themselves.
Everyone has their own script.
Only when we have the ability to be independent, can we have the confidence to maintain ourselves in intimate relationships, even if we encounter unknowns and challenges, we can use our own light to illuminate the way forward.
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