Taking children to ride bicycles in the community, we parents were terrified on the side, and reminded from time to time: "Look at the road, don't wrestle!" "Ride slowly, don't bump into each other!"
The child sweats all over the bike, and I don't ride and sweat all over the body - cold sweat, for fear that a reminder is not in place, and the child will have some accident.
Why are parents now generally exhausted raising their children? Because all the energy is on the child, we take too much care of such small things.
Too much management can indeed prevent the child from making some mistakes, but at the same time, it also hinders his development.
In ordinary life, parents put this kind of "attention" everywhere, which leads to various problems for their children.
"Excessive attention" in play, children have difficulty concentrating
As mentioned above, when the child is immersed in the ride, we interrupt frequently, desperately trying to let them know what they are not doing well, give what they think is better, and chatter so that the child simply cannot focus on his own behavior.
This phenomenon also occurs when children are concentrating on a certain toy and flipping through the books they are interested in.
"Excessive attention" in learning destroys children's internal motivation
Nowadays, parents pay the most attention to their studies.
In order to let the children do well, parents supervise and assist on the side; In order to make him make fewer mistakes, remind him over and over again; In order to keep children from taking detours, arrange learning tasks in advance.
Many children's internal drive is destroyed in this way, without internal drive, children will not take the initiative to learn.
In terms of learning, there is not much parents can do, and the results of learning ultimately depend on the children themselves, so that children realize that "learning is their own business" is more important than anything else.
"Excessive attention" in life weakens the child's "sense of self-worth"
Accidentally spilling milk, soiling clothes, and losing food grains when eating......
Children's small problems can always be exchanged for the chatter of their parents, so their energy is all consumed on such small things.
Not only that, but in life, the "excessive attention" of parents is also reflected in "making choices for their children", imposing their own will on their children: how can you not eat eggs? Eggs are nutritious; Don't choose white clothes, they are not resistant to dirt!
What parents think is "good for the child", but what the child feels is a kind of neglect and denial.
So, how do parents and children get along? How do you maintain reasonable "boundaries"?
Less intrusive on your child's feelings
Whether the food is good or not, the children say it doesn't count, the parents say it.
Whether you like interest classes/stationery/clothes or not, what the child says doesn't count, what the parents say.
If parents only think from their own perspective and deny their children's thoughts and feelings, children will close their hearts and no longer trust their parents in self-doubt.
Only by respecting children's own feelings can we let children live their vitality and self.
Less "guidance" and encourage children to try and make mistakes
Some adults really love guidance, and when children want to try new things, parental guidance follows, often accompanied by stops and accusations.
The essence is to say: you are wrong, I am right, only I know how to do this, this thing can only be done.
It is most meaningful to let the child try out which way is better, and even bring unexpected breakthroughs.
Less intervention and leave the child blank
As they grow older, they need to have free time to spend with themselves and their friends.
In other words, in a day, children need to break away from the arrangement and guidance of teachers and parents, and experience what it means to be happy, fulfilling, lost, and sad by themselves, so as to think about what happiness and sense of achievement are, so as to obtain a happy and happy life.
Parents can grasp the boundaries well, will assist and guide, but do not intervene too much, in order to give enough space for children to grow.
Parents take care of themselves
Parents can take care of themselves and manage themselves well, so that they can drive their children to become better, and the characteristics of parents, lifestyles and thinking cognition have a profound impact on children.
Have a plan for the future and constantly improve your work skills; Able to do a good job in parent-child relationship, husband and wife relationship and other interpersonal relationships in daily life; Have a growth mindset and the courage to try to make a difference......
Good parents are the ones who pay attention and let go at the same time, which not only gives the child the space to solve problems on his own, but also reflects patience and confidence in his growth, which is the most beneficial for the child.
Source: China Education Daily