Hello everyone, I'm a cute mom!
There are many ways for parents to love, but there is one expression of love that is the most contradictory, that is, "knife mouth, tofu heart", while wanting to give love to the child, and attacking the child at the same time.
01
"I'll be good for nothing forever in my mom's mouth"
During my internship, Xiaoice and I were in the same group and in the same dormitory.
The roommates are all peers who have just stepped out of campus with one foot and just stepped into society with one foot, and at this age, they are no longer homesick, and they will occasionally call home or receive calls from home.
But Xiaoice is an exception, she hardly talks to her family, neither takes the initiative to call, nor is she willing to answer, every time the phone rings, she always hangs up, and then types back two sentences.
Later, when everyone got acquainted, I asked her, don't you miss home?
Xiaoice just faintly replied, "Homesick, but I'm afraid of my mother."
Xiaoice said that every time she said anything to her mother, her mother could always turn the topic around her, and then it was the output of splitting her head and covering her face.
When she was in college, she talked to her family on the phone at first, but later, she had to send a message to her family only when she needed living expenses.
"In my mother's mouth, I'll never be good. The deepest thing I remember is that my mother said, you are really hated to death. My mom's mantra about me is, I say how are you always stupid and useless. ”
Xiaoice said that when she grew up, she was more and more afraid of talking to her mother.
Xiaoice's father also persuaded her, "Mom is just a knife mouth tofu heart, she is sometimes grumpy, but she can't see that others are better than her daughter."
But the pimple in Xiaoice's heart still can't be put down, "I can only think about trying not to argue with her now, I can hide as much as I can, but I still can't accept it, I always feel that my mother is really a tofu heart, that is also frozen into ice, otherwise how can he say it so hard and so ruthless?" ”
Xiaoice said this in a suppressed voice at that time, although his eyes were red and he could hear a nasal voice when he spoke, he still endured it and did not cry.
Xiaoice is also very contradictory, her mother's knife mouth is very piercing, the hurtful words she has said, every sentence counts, three words "tofu heart", overturned everything? If you don't understand your mother's "tofu heart", is it your mistake again?
02
Tofu hearts are not the "protective color" of the knife's mouth.
Compared with the damage of the honey-bellied sword, the crit brought by the "knife mouth" seems to be more direct, but as long as the "tofu heart" is used as an explanation, the "storm" you experienced before seems to be carried by this sentence, and even this sentence sounds like a positive color, just because there are three words "for your good" behind it.
But in the parent-child relationship, "for your good" already has a heavy weight, coupled with the "knife mouth" knife into the heart, how much did the child who was stabbed endure, and how much did he endure?
Talking about "tofu heart" after the child is injured is like a false proposition, a really soft person will not become a "knife bearer" in any form.
03
The mouth of the knife is like a slow knife grinding meat
There is a saying: good words are warm in three winters, and bad words are hurtful and cold in June.
No matter what kind of mentality you have to throw out hurtful words, the intuitive feelings of the people who catch these words are the silent judgment of these words.
When a person feels cold and is constantly stuffed with ice in his arms, the person who delivers the ice repeatedly tells you that he has a good heart and is helping you adapt to the cold.
Are you already frozen, will you understand and appreciate his kindness, or do you just want to throw away the ice cubes in your arms, breathe into your hands, and flee to a warm corner to reduce your cold body and the possibility of frostbite?
I think you must be the latter.
The cold of language can hurt people, the mouth of the knife is like a slow knife grinding meat, and every word spoken is to hand the child ice again and again.
Intractable pain is not caused by the freezing point in an instant, it is the result of accumulation little by little.
04
Knife-mouthed parents often have a glass heart
Some people say that the parents of the knife mouth are the knife heart.
Such a "verdict" stabbed the parents' hearts backhandedly, and also misled the children to deny everything about their parents.
Many parents are really giving, and they can only say that they are giving in the wrong way.
The parents of the knife mouth are often these 2 types, they do not have a knife heart, but they have a glass heart.
* One is the controlling parent.
Controlling parents, as hard as glass.
When it is stronger, it will rebound.
Everything requires the child to listen to his heart, and if the child dares to refute it, it will be terrible!
"For your own good" is the keynote, one's own experience must be respected, and one's sacrifice must have a result.
Once you feel that the authority is received, you want to win the child in power, and many hurtful words are said in such a situation.
Until the child returns to control and becomes submissive.
Controlling parents will sigh, "Look, just like I said, you have to listen to me next time, the child will float if he doesn't scold, and there will be no progress without comparison." ”
* The other, educating powerless parents, this category of parents is as brittle as glass.
It's easy to crumble and debris all over the place.
Such parents often feel inadequate when educating their children, but cannot think of other solutions, in such cases, scolding often becomes the most direct and quick solution.
In the book "Don't Think You Are the Scale", there is a paragraph that touches the cute mother very deeply:
"When parents are lonely, they blame their children for being too inactive, and when parents want to take a nap, they find the noise made by their children annoying;
When parents want to study, they find that their children don't like to study, and when parents want to play, they find that their children don't like sports...... ”
Many parents always want to see what they expect, but in addition to blaming, they never think about how to look at the child's growth time and psychological space, and how to find the frequency with the child if they don't look at it.
Different frequencies, contradictions will naturally appear, not only do you think your child is wrong, but your child will also think you are wrong.
The difference is that
You think the child is wrong, and you keep saying it.
The child thinks you are wrong, and he is afraid to say it.
The parents kept talking, their voices getting louder and louder, and their heads raised higher and higher.
The child did not dare to speak, and the cry became smaller and lower, and the head was buried lower and lower.
However, loud parents are not reasonable parents, but because they do not have the method and direction of education, they will think that the lesson is education.
Think that with a knife and mouth, let the child obey, the purpose of education has been achieved?
But this kind of education is only suppressing children, just to cover up their sense of incompetence in re-education.
Brief summary:
Parents with tofu hearts are warm on the inside and soft on the outside, and will use love to maintain their children and communicate with them with understanding.
Parents with knife mouths, because of their glass hearts, their authority is challenged, and when education is weak, they are easily provoked and say sharp words to hurt their children.
So don't lie to your children, "tofu heart" and "knife mouth" are two kinds of parents at all, how can they be the same person? You tell me?
Statement: The picture comes from the Internet, has nothing to do with the content of this article, and the infringement must be deleted!