I remember when my son was a child, our family of three was always close. On weekends, we would go to the park together, and he would hold my hand tightly for fear of getting lost. At that time, he was always smiling, and his eyes were full of curiosity about the world and dependence on his parents. However, as he grew up, our relationship seemed to change quietly.
After the college entrance examination, my son was admitted to a university that he longed for, which is undoubtedly a huge good news for our family. On the day we sent my son to college, our laughter and advice along the way seemed to be the last warmth. My son was carrying his bags and his face was full of longing for the future, but my heart was like overturning a five-flavor bottle, and the bittersweet and sour were intertwined. I know that this time, my son is like a horse that has been loosened from the reins, and has begun his journey in the true sense of life.
Since the beginning of his college life, my son rarely takes the initiative to contact us. But the first time I left home, I missed him so much that I couldn't resist texting him every time to ask how he was doing. And his replies were always so brief that there were no extra words other than "oh", "good", and "got it". I tried to understand him, after all, he had just arrived in a new environment and needed to get used to it.
The only time he reached out to me was when he ran out of money. Whenever this happens, I can feel the eagerness and helplessness in his tone. And every time he promised to transfer money to him, he was impatient and eager to hang up the phone, as if it was a waste to say more. I'm starting to realize that there is less and less communication between us, and it's getting harder and harder to find common ground.
I began to reflect on whether I had done something good enough to make my son feel bored. So, I tried to care as much as possible about his life and studies. But no matter how hard I tried, my son no longer seemed willing to share his inner world with me. In his circle of friends, he posted photos of gatherings with his classmates and where to go, but rarely mentioned our home. I felt a sense of loss that I had never felt before. More and more, I felt that my son seemed to be becoming more and more strange.
After graduating from university, my son returned to Chengdu to work. Since his work was far away, he rented a house closer to the company and started his career. Although he lives in the same city as us, he goes home less and less. Whenever the holidays came, I always waited for him to come home with great anticipation, but he always shied off for various reasons.
One night, I finally couldn't help but send a WeChat message to my son: "Son, let's go home for a meal this weekend, mom misses you." It took a long time for him to reply with a "good" word. I began to prepare his favorite meal with joy and looked forward to his arrival. But on the weekend, he suddenly called and said that the company had something to do temporarily and couldn't come back. I hung up the phone in disappointment, feeling a chill in my heart.
Finally, one night, my husband couldn't help but explode. He accused his son of being unfilial, neglecting his family, only knowing work, and not knowing how to go home to see his parents. I listened to my husband's complaints, and I felt a burst of sourness in my heart. I tried to justify my son by saying that he was too busy with work to come home, but I knew it was just an excuse. The husband angrily picked up the phone and called his son, in an angry and stern tone: "Don't you even want your parents if you don't go home for a few months?" If you don't take the time to come back this weekend, you won't come back again. The son reluctantly said "yes"!
To be honest, I feel sad in my heart, after all, my son was raised by us, and now in the same city, he is gradually separated from us as if he has become a stranger.
On Saturday afternoon, the doorbell rang suddenly, and I opened the door with two steps and a quick and happy start, and my son was standing in the doorway, expressionless, carrying a simple backpack in his hand. He called his parents when he entered, and then sat quietly on the couch, looking down at his phone. I noticed that his expression was a little indifferent, as if there was a layer between us.
When my husband saw that his son was back, although he didn't have much expression on his face, he didn't say a word, turned around and went to the vegetable market to buy vegetables. Prepare a hearty dinner for your son.
I tried to find something to talk to my son about, asking him how he was doing at work, whether he was tired, and what he usually ate. But he always dealt with me without saying a word, and finally even said impatiently: "Oh, I know, don't be verbose." I was stunned for a moment, feeling a little uncomfortable. I wanted to get angry, but I held back, because my son finally came back, and I should be more patient.
For dinner, my husband made a table of dishes, all of which his son used to love. But during the whole meal, the son and his father barely said anything. I tried to stir up the topic, and if I didn't say anything more, it would be cold.
While serving food to my son, I asked him: Have you been busy lately? I'm not going home anymore, do I have a girlfriend? Busy in love? If you have one, bring it back for a meal and get to know it.
"Yes, I got a girlfriend."
"Then why don't you bring it back to your parents?" My son looked at me, stopped talking, and the air froze instantly.
Before I was halfway through the meal, my son hurriedly took a few bites of rice, and the dishes were not much, so he said that he was full, and turned around and went back to the room. My husband finally made a table of meals, and he only ate a few bites in a hurry. My husband and I looked at each other and ate with our heads down.
After the meal, I packed up the dishes and chopsticks, washed some fruit, and carefully opened the door of his room. He was sitting on the bed playing a game, and I sat down and said to him, "Can you stop your game?" I have something to talk to you about!
The son said impatiently, "Let me finish this game!" "I continued to play for two minutes before I put down my phone and asked me what was the matter? I said, "Son, what's wrong with you lately, you don't go home to see your parents, and you're impatient to talk to you!" The son said with a smile: "Mom, what do you want?" Nothing! Am I not busy with work?
Hearing his explanation, I felt a little complicated. But seeing his slightly patient attitude, I was inexplicably moved, and I felt as if I had seen the son who loved to chat with me before. Just as I was about to talk to him more, he suddenly answered a phone call, it was from his girlfriend. He stealthily walked out of the room to answer the phone, and I stood at the door and listened to him chatting softly with his girlfriend, and I had an indescribable feeling in my heart.
After answering the phone, the son said he was going back. I was stunned for a moment and asked him why he didn't stay overnight before leaving. He explained that the company still had something to deal with and could not afford to delay. The husband was also a little unhappy when he heard it, but the son didn't say a word of comfort, and went out with his backpack.
I don't know when we sent our son out like a guest behind us, and my son didn't look back, we kept telling him: pay attention to your body, don't stay up late, eat less takeout, eat regularly... But my son seemed to be about to run away from us quickly, and the moment the elevator door closed, his eyes were evasive. I lamented that all our love was given to my son, but my son's heart no longer had us.
The house was deserted again in an instant, leaving me and my husband looking at each other, shaking our heads and sighing, I comforted my husband and said: The child is older, we should learn to let go slowly.
Lying in bed at night, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. I think of my son when he was a child, when he was always clinging to us and liked to share his joys and sorrows with us. But now he has become so strange and cold.
I don't know if it's because of our education methods, or is it because the times have changed, society has changed, and children are under too much pressure? Today's children can't compare to our generation. I always feel that other people's children have endless words to talk to their parents, and the older my children are, the less they like to talk to their parents. Drifting farther and farther away, stranger and stranger.