Young people are busy cutting off their relatives in reality, and they turn around and go online to find their relatives 

Mi Li's mother loves to share

2024-05-09 15:24Posted in Beijing, creators in the field of parenting

Text | Mi Li's mother

During this small long vacation, I don't know how many young people are ready to "break off" from their families.

For migrant workers, it is really disappointing to go out all year round, finally scrape together a few days of vacation and travel thousands of kilometers to return home, and only hear the same discipline of their parents on work, marriage and love, etc.

It's even better to lie at home, sleep for a few days, rest and recharge.

During the Spring Festival before, there was a Shandong girl who chose to stay in her rental house and spend the New Year alone.

She has no travel plans, and she doesn't have anything important to do, she just doesn't want to go home, so she simply doesn't go back.

"I don't want to see my parents busy and I have to pretend to be a good child," she said. ”

This kind of "appearance and separation" does not only exist in the marriage relationship, when it exists in the parent-child relationship, it is even more suffocating, but there is nothing that can be done.

In their eyes, worldly success has the same pattern, getting married, having children, and taking the exam for the public.

Marriage and infertility mean that there is no future, and freelancing is equivalent to not having a job, and it will become a laughing stock for others.

They will presuppose that none of the lights are lit for you, and they will worry that you will be lonely and have no one to rely on.

I think that their hearts still love their children, but this kind of imposed and heavy love is something that young people no longer want to carry.

In many cases, the experience-based "good for you" of the previous generation does not necessarily apply to the new social environment and the context of the times in which the children live.

Today's children have suffered enough in society, and they just want to get a little sweetness from their parents.

But the parents are unaware of it, and they are still immersed in self-moving education.

They say that suffering losses is a blessing, and enduring hardships is refining.

But today's young people say that as long as you are willing to endure hardships, there will be endless hardships waiting for you.

There was a hot question on Zhihu before, a father said that his son had to take a car for 2 hours to and from school every day, complaining that it was too far from home, but I wanted to exercise his hard-working spirit, how could I make him understand my good intentions? I used to walk to and from school every day in the countryside, and I didn't say anything.

The comment area is almost all about the crusade against this father, and some netizens said unceremoniously:

If he is not reincarnated into a powerful family and reincarnated as your son, he will have the opportunity to endure hardships in the future of his life. The days when I can be a little easier are the time before adulthood, don't look for trouble, is it difficult?

There is also a mother who is also wonderful, took her daughter to take the train to go far away, deliberately bought her a non-seat ticket, the girl can only stand in the aisle, she can't hold on, so she sits on the suitcase to rest, and has to avoid pedestrians with difficulty.

And the mother's copywriting is: If there is difficulty, you have to go up, and if you don't have difficulties, you have to go to work. Slow train without seats, give me a few rolls of the eyes, continue next time.

And all this is just because, this "I have suffered, she also has to feel it, I haven't let her pick up the rags!" ”

Obviously, you don't have to endure hardships, but you have to find ways to find hardships for yourself, which only satisfies your parents' selfish desires, and other than that, it is meaningless.

Nowadays, the hardships that children have to endure are no longer the sufferings of this form more than the content.

In addition to parents who are keen to make their children suffer, there are also the most common disappointing parents.

I saw a subject talking about a conversation between himself and his mother before.

He worked hard to save some money and spent 7.5k to reward himself with a computer, intending to treat himself. As a result, when I happily talked to my mother about it, my mother's reply was:

"You have to use this computer to work and study hard."

Probably from childhood to adulthood, this subject has been living in this kind of misplaced conversation. You can't say that the mother doesn't love him, but this kind of completely ignoring the child's feelings, not empathizing at all, and only caring about his own attitude will really make the child stay away.

I'm afraid that from now on, no matter how happy, excited, sad, and sad emotions there are, my mother will no longer be the person he chooses to share with in the first place.

Mi Li's mother also wrote such a thing: The girl was scolded for 700 yuan to travel to Mount Tai, how many parents tore apart the most unbearable side?

A female college student saved up her own money, made an appointment with her classmates, and planned her destination, just because she reported her itinerary with her father, she got a string of serious soul torture.

looked at the chat records between the girl and her father, and Mi Li's mother only had four big words "inexplicable" written on her face.

How can climbing a mountain on weekends, which is no longer a normal trivial matter, rise to "social value" and "family background", how can it affect academics, why is it out of place, why is it vanity and love to compare?

It was a good thing to relax, but in the end it turned into a nightmare that the girl never wanted to recall.

Parents may feel that their children are using their money for their own pleasure, but when they receive gifts from their children, their reactions are just as disappointing.

Once, a junior high school boy bought a large bouquet of flowers for his mother on Mother's Day, and was scolded by his mother.

The son wanted his mother to be happy, but the mother only saw that the bouquet was impractical and a waste of money, and forced the child to go to the flower shop to return the flowers.

Seeing that the child was so aggrieved that she kept crying, the mother didn't understand, "The gift that the child gave to the mother, the person who gave it was happy, and the person who received it was even happier, this is a really good gift."

From the perspective of a child, he knows how to be grateful and has action, and he is simply a caring child.

And the mother's merciless rebuke will undoubtedly chill the boy's fiery heart.

When children share interesting life stories with their parents, they will be accused of not doing their jobs properly at school. When they complain about work and leadership, they are taught to find reasons in themselves; And when they occasionally express the stress and sadness of life, they can also be perceived as hypocritical.

You must know that when parents are disappointed, it is the child's love that drives away, which not only disappoints the child and makes him sad, but also blocks the child's desire to open up next time.

They shut up their hearts to their parents, but the need for family warmth remains.

As a result, they seek the love of their "cyber parents".

"Cyber parents" will affectionately shout "baby girl, good child" to the young people in front of the screen, and share their daily routine with everyone with a smile.

Click on the video, and you can get their warm care.

They will say:

"Daughter, daughter, you haven't been wronged today, have you?"

"Baby, why are you crying? Whoever bullied you told Dad, Dad supported you! ”

"How are you at school? Are you tired, baby? ”

"Oh, why didn't our girl come back from work today? Come, Daddy will make you something to eat. ”

I didn't dare to go home if I messed up the exam, but the "cyber parents" would say:

"If you don't do well in the exam, you won't go home, don't you want your parents?"

There is a lot of pressure on children to take public examinations, graduate school entrance examinations, and examination editors, and "cyber parents" will reflect on themselves and whether they have a narrow vision.

They will say:

"Baby, I'm so sorry! Mom and Dad don't have a lot of ability to protect you for a lifetime, so they always think that you can be more stable and more stable.

But seeing your tired eyes and the hobbies that have been suppressed, Mom and Dad think maybe they really did something wrong, if everyone in the world goes to the public entrance examination, who will make a delicious little cake? Who's going to be the big star?

Relax, kids! The world is a playground for the dared! ”

Never blame, teach you to look at problems positively, and use extremely sincere words to always make you feel that you are the one who is unconditionally trusted and favored, which makes countless children who grew up in love-poor families break the defense.

Obviously, they are very daily greetings, but after listening to them, they feel inexplicably warm in their hearts, and they find that love and support can really be innate, without any strings attached.

They poured out the injuries they received from their "cousins" one by one to the "Yun parents", and hugged in the comment area to keep warm.

Someone didn't do well in the exam when he was a child, and his parents said to him, "If you don't pass the exam, you'll be wasted, you know?" We have created such a good environment for you, are you worthy of us? ”。

Some people say that her parents have denied herself again and again when she was a child, and when she grows up, she still feels that she has no strengths, so they would rather let regrets become regrets.

They watched the video of the "Cyber Parents" and felt that they were "like a stray dog on the side of the road being picked up and kissed for some reason." ”

This feeling of unworthiness made Mi Li's mother very distressed.

We start a family for happiness, and home is supposed to be the only safe island for every child, but if even this island is not safe, where can they hide?

So those young people who are shouting "severance of relatives" really want to sever the bonds of family affection and blood ties?

I don't think so, I think, it's a desire for an ideal kinship.

For our children, love him, encourage and trust him, be a pair of parents who are not disappointed, and don't wait until the child is pushed into the virtual world before thinking of going to the "cyber parents" to grab the child.

Let's encourage each other.

Personal Profile: @米粒妈爱分享 Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning, educational experience and further education.

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