What's the most hated person around you?
When he encountered hardships, he kept looking for people to talk to, hoping to get everyone's sympathy and understanding;
When he encountered a happy event, he immediately announced it to the world, hoping to see everyone's envious expressions;
When he encounters an idle matter, he immediately sees that the road is uneven, hoping that a roar can save others.
In fact, everyone has such a friend by their side.
The older I get, the more I understand that learning to shut up is the most important thing than learning to speak.
No matter when, where, or what the situation is, not talking excessively, not being quiet, and not being idle is the highest level of self-discipline for adults.
Failure to declare hardships is a kind of maturity
When she was in college, she had a good relationship with a classmate, and her father died in a car accident in her junior year.
But only a few people knew about it, and she rarely mentioned it in front of anyone.
One night, when I saw her liking my circle of friends, I went to chat with her, thinking that if she was in a bad mood, I could listen to her.
As a result, she chatted and said:
"You don't know until you really encounter something, you have to bear your grievances, don't talk about your suffering, and there are few people who really understand you."
She said something that stood out to me:
"There's no real empathy in the world at all."
In the novel Jane Eyre by the Brontë sisters.
Bertha Mason is a girl who has endured hardships and constantly recounts her suffering to Jane Eyre in the face of misfortune and physical disability.
At first, Jane Eyre still had deep sympathy for Bertha, and talked to her to comfort and enlighten her.
But then, because Bertha complained too many times, and there were too many negative emotions when she complained, the atmosphere of each chat was too heavy, which eventually made Jane Eyre emotionally tired and stressed.
Have you ever had a similar experience?
When you talk to your friend with tears in your eyes, the other party sends you away with cold words and two sentences.
It's not that others are callous, it's because the knife didn't fall on themselves, and they don't know how much it hurts.
So, when you want to complain, don't try to get empathy from others, what you are going to do may be a tragic story in the eyes of others.
Yu Qiuyu said:
"In this world, no one can put themselves in other people's shoes, whether your heart is like a knife, whether you can't cry, it's all your own business.
Others may comfort you and enlighten you, but you will never be able to feel the extent of your wounds. ”
It is difficult for others to truly appreciate the deep emotions and pain of an individual.
Rather than seeking relief and sympathy everywhere like a joke in life, it is better to suffer it silently.
No matter when and where, adults need to learn to hide their hurts, and they are always the only ones who can heal themselves.
It is a kind of kindness to have fun and not to be promoted
I saw a highly praised comment on "showing off" in Zhihu:
"When you share your happiness with the wrong person, it's a nasty show-off."
Xiao Li and Xiao Wang are classmates and roommates in the same dormitory.
Xiao Li is excellent in character and learning, and his family is superior.
Recently, he successfully applied for a graduate scholarship at a foreign university's business school, which must be a happy event for Xiao Li.
Back in the dormitory, Xiao Li happily shared the news that he had won a full scholarship with Xiao Wang, and described in detail his future academic career plan.
Although he is also diligent and hardworking, Xiao Wang has been working part-time to earn tuition fees due to poor family conditions, and his studies are under great pressure.
After Xiao Wang heard the news, although he was happy for Xiao Li on the surface, there was a huge sense of disparity and frustration in his heart.
He realized that Xiao Li's joy sounded more like a mockery of his current situation and a question of his own efforts in his current predicament.
At this time, Xiao Li's happy sharing became like a kind of show-off.
The Tao Te Ching says:
"The light does not shine, and the still water flows deeply".
There is also such a scene in the TV series "Do You Know".
Sheng Changbai, the son of the Sheng family, and the eldest lady Wang and his father had to celebrate, and the eldest lady even said that "ten miles of artillery battles should be fired".
But he was stopped by his grandmother, who said:
"It's good for Bai'er to be on the list, but if you want to make such a big fanfare, wouldn't you slap Gu Houye in the face?
Aren't those great families going to see us as a thorn in their side and become the target of everyone? ”
So my father quickly asked people to take off the lantern and keep quiet.
Modern psychologist Carl Rogers said:
"Being low-key is not hiding your own light, but choosing not to use it as a flashlight to shine in other people's eyes."
Human nature is greedy, and often can't tolerate a sunny day for others.
In life, except for the closest people around you, few other people will really want you to live better than yourself.
So, your so-called joy and success may affect the emotions of others.
Don't get carried away when you encounter happy events, and don't be complacent. It's best to keep a low profile.
A person's highest level of self-discipline is to know how to be happy without being happy.
It's a form of respect
As the old saying goes:
"Dogs take rats and meddle in their affairs."
This sentence says that the duty is to take care of the house and catch the puppy against thieves, but it sees the cat running around chasing the mouse, and then it goes to help the cat catch the pesky mouse.
As a result, the dog not only failed to catch the mouse, but also knocked over the dishes in the house in the process of chasing.
The dog was reprimanded by the owner:
Cat and mouse are the duty, and if you are nosy, not only do you not help, but you destroy things in the house.
There is a saying in the book "Caigen Tan":
"Everyone sweeps the snow in front of the door, and doesn't care about the frost on the tiles of others."
I saw a little story full of jokes on the Internet.
One summer afternoon, when the weather was very hot, a child bought a large bucket of ice cream without telling his mother and sat in the garden of the community to eat it secretly.
An aunt passed by and saw it, so she stepped forward and persuaded her:
"It's not good for kids to eat too much ice cream."
The child said to his aunt:
"My grandmother lived to be 110 years old, and she is still in good health, and she plays with me every day, Auntie, do you know why?"
Auntie said:
"Is it because she loves ice cream, too?"
The child said:
"No, it's because she's never meddled in her business."
Mark Levy said in "The Man Who Stole the Shadows":
"You can't interfere in other people's lives, even if it's for their good."
There are people around us who always focus on others under the guise of "good intentions".
They are always keen to take care of other people's "idle things" that have nothing to do with themselves.
From eating and dressing, to children's education;
From children's marriages and jobs, it is really heartbreaking for other people's affairs.
What I am most afraid of during the Chinese New Year is facing the seven aunts and eight aunts, always caring about when I will get married;
how much is the salary;
Why don't you find a boyfriend yet......
In fact, there are only three things that people will encounter in this life:
God's business, other people's business, and one's own business.
And what we should be in charge of and have the right to manage is our own business from beginning to end.
Everyone's energy and time are limited, and they should not be wasted on "idle things" that have nothing to do with them.
In life, doing one's own thing, regardless of other people's business, is the basic respect for getting along with others.
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As the old saying goes:
"Words speak louder than words."
In this life, we will eventually understand:
Failure to declare hardships is a kind of maturity of adults;
There are pleasures but not promotions, which is a kind of kindness for adults;
Ignoring gossip is a form of respect for adults.
When we were children, it took us a few months to learn to speak, but as adults, it took us all our lives to learn to shut up.
Author丨Poetry comics: Shangdong XVIII
Picture | Submitted by poetry and photography enthusiasts