There is such a line in "The Blacklist":
"Why do others dare to do bad things to you? It's because you make people feel that they can do bad things to you without paying any price. ”
The world is a huge mirror, and everyone can find their own shadow in others.
The embarrassment of others reflects your connivance, and the bullying of others can illuminate your weakness.
When encountering problems, you will only forbear, and you will only make people press forward step by step, and you will win the initiative by turning your face at the right time.
A person's true strength starts from having the courage not to be afraid of conflict and the temper to dare to turn his face.
1
A life of blind tolerance is a self-embarrassment
Lu Xun once said: "Infinite distance, endless people, are all related to me." ”
No one is an island, and there is a connection between people.
Through continuous encounters, we learn how to get along with others, and we also invisibly teach others how to treat ourselves.
Someone teaches others how to respect themselves, and someone teaches others how to fail themselves.
In fact, the harm that others do to you is due to your acquiescence and forbearance.
In Ba Jin's novel "Home", the tragic life of the eldest brother Gao Juexin can be described as making people mourn his misfortune and anger him.
As the eldest son in the family, Gao Juexin has a generous temperament and filial piety, and has always been obedient to his elders, even if he wrongs himself, he will never be disobedient.
He has excellent academic performance and has his own ideal plan for the future: go to university in Beijing, go abroad for further study, and marry his beloved cousin.
But when his father told him to give up school and go home to take care of the housework and find another family for him, even if he was unwilling in his heart, he still promised to agree and choose to obey.
After disillusionment, Gao Juexin completely became a dull youth.
He doesn't like to socialize with people, but his cowardly nature makes him blindly aggrieved.
There is a shortage of people in the family to play mahjong, and he is on call; My aunt and aunt went shopping to buy clothes, and he responded to his requests.
The family is accustomed to Gao Juexin's sensibility and dedication, and when they encounter unpleasant things, they lose their temper with him, and let him rush ahead when there are dangerous things.
In exchange for his forbearance and pandering, he only despised and did not cherish it, and in the end he annihilated his aura and ruined his future.
Other people's attitudes towards you are actually your permission.
In the process of interacting with people, blindly taking harmony as the preciousness and seeking perfection is not necessarily the sea and the sky, but also the inch.
Life is not long, everyone only lives once.
If regression can't be exchanged for benefits, then turn around and take care of your heart; If all you get from a compromise is demand, be brave enough to say no.
Express your attitude, put your feelings first, and treat yourself well rather than pleasing and pandering to others.
2
Learn to turn your face, and you will be cherished
In "Aesop's Fables", there is such a short story:
One cold night, a man was warming up in his tent when he heard a voice outside.
He pulled open the tent, and a camel's head came in.
It was freezing and he saw that the camel was pitiful, so he acquiesced to the camel's behavior.
But it wasn't long before the camel begged to put its forelimbs in, until at last the camel's whole body went into the tent.
The tent was too small to accommodate a man or an animal, and the camel was too big, so the man was squeezed out.
The writer Maugham said: "Soft-hearted and embarrassed will only kill yourself." Rational ruthlessness and ruthlessness are the weapons of survival. ”
Bottomless kindness is to hurt oneself and be despised by others; Principled help is to preserve oneself and to be cherished.
Before Sanmao went abroad to study, her parents told her to be educated and tolerate everything.
She took her parents' words to heart, and when she got along with the people in the dormitory, she always adhered to the idea that suffering is a blessing and harmony is precious.
Cleaning the dormitory, helping roommates make beds, and organizing clothes in the cupboards...... Almost all the housework in the dormitory is contracted by Sanmao.
The roommates were also full of praise when they mentioned her, and for a while, Sanmao became the most popular person in the dormitory.
But after a long time, Sanmao gradually realized that something was wrong.
The clothes in her wardrobe will always be borrowed inexplicably, and her roommates will order her to do her own things, and even her roommates will be charged with her when they make mistakes.
Sanmao finally couldn't bear it anymore, picked up the broom and swung it at the classmate who wronged him.
Surprisingly, the roommates did not distance themselves from her because of this incident, but were more polite and respectful to her.
I like what Yang Jiang said:
"You have the upbringing to not hurt others, but you don't have the aura not to be hurt.
If there is no one to protect you, please be kind and have a little edge to protect yourself. ”
The inferior root of human nature lies in the fact that they do not cherish easy gains, and are always accustomed to picking soft persimmons to pinch.
The more you put up with it, the more you will be bullied; The more accommodating you are, the more you will be despised.
In interpersonal communication, losing your temper is not necessarily a bad thing, but not losing your temper is certainly not a good thing.
Show your bad side in a timely manner and show your bottom line principles, so that others will find out your preciousness, and you will not bear the entanglement that comes from the twists.
3
The greatest ability of a person is to turn his face when he should turn his face
In "The Road Less Traveled", it is said: "To live a normal life, anger is an indispensable way to fight back." ”
Sacrificing one's own interests to gain the favor of others often outweighs the losses.
Really powerful people will control their emotions, but they know how to show their bottom line and principles in a timely manner.
Dong Mingzhu only entered Gree Air Conditioning when he was 36 years old.
At that time, Gree Air Conditioner was still called Haili, which was a state-owned air-conditioning factory that had just started production and had no core technology.
Dong Mingzhu, as a salesperson, was assigned the first task after entering the factory, which was to recover the 420,000 arrears of the old dealer.
In the process of debt collection, Dong Mingzhu first reasoned with the other party and reasonably requested reconciliation.
But the other party ignored it, and when he encountered a key problem, he was vague, and finally directly issued an eviction order and drove Dong Mingzhu and his party out.
Dong Mingzhu, who was snubbed and teased, couldn't bear it, turned his face directly, and ran to the other party's boss's company every day to block people.
Even stood in the boss's office without regard for dignity and shouted:
"It's either pay back or return it! Otherwise, from this moment on, I will follow you wherever you go! ”
The other party never thought that the newcomer Dong Mingzhu would be so tough, so he had to agree to them to pull the goods away.
After 40 days of wits and courage, Dong Mingzhu completed his first task brilliantly, and also left the name of "Dong Mingzhu has walked the road without grass" in the industry.
Psychologist Cong Feicong said:
"Those who dare to quarrel, dare to conflict, dare to be strong, dare to be rude, and dare to be shameless are the truly capable people, and they have the ability to conflict."
When getting along with people, there will be contradictions when there is communication.
In the face of scheming people, learn to refuse so that they will not be used; In the face of people who bully the soft and are afraid of the hard, dare to turn their faces so that they will not be bullied.
The boundaries of communication need to be defined by themselves, and when someone crosses the red line, learning to say no is mature wisdom and courage.
▽
Gu Cheng wrote such a poem:
"The rose wears sharp thorns, and it does not become a thorn by it; It only defends its own spring blossom from being ravaged by wild beasts. ”
The world is complicated, people are volatile, and they think that they can avoid disputes and troubles by blindly lowering their profile, but the truth is that the more obedient they are, the more they will be at a loss.
We must always understand that life is not about pleasing others, but about pleasing ourselves.
Being a person in the world, not turning your face easily is cultivation, and turning your face with principles is wisdom.