How to recover the excessive entanglement of the ex? Is there still a chance to turn the tables? The five directions teach you to create a sense of loss across the board
Recently, some classmates have always come to the background to ask me: Tongtong, I seem to be too entangled after separation, he has now deleted all my chat software, how to get back together? Is there still a chance?
I can tell you for sure: there is an opportunity, and the key is how to make the other person feel the sense of loss.
Because human beings are born with a hunting spirit and a desire to conquer, which is engraved in the genes.
If the ex has been indifferent to you, or even cynical, it may be because they feel that they have completely mastered you, or that you have satisfied their hunting nature.
Including after the breakup, you have been pestering each other to get back together, but also because of human nature, when we want to get but it is difficult to get a person or a thing, as long as there is an opportunity, we will continue to increase the bargaining chips we pay.
On the contrary, if it is easy to obtain, it becomes indifferent.
So the opportunity to get back together is to create a sense of emptiness for your ex that they can't fill, so that you can quickly break his perception of you, subvert your previous impression of you, and awaken his original nostalgia for the relationship.
Only when the former has a strong sense of difficulty and an urge to make amends, can our redemption be successful.
Here are five ways to create a sense of loss, which can be implemented one by one by following the steps.
If your situation is special, you can also come to the background to talk to me for five minutes, and I will help you analyze and analyze.
01
The first step is called active disconnection and delineation of relationships
The disconnection here does not mean that he completely cut off all contact with his ex, but takes the initiative to end this relationship.
Doing so has actually broken through his perception of you, because according to your pestering behavior in the early stage, in his prediction of you, you will never do this.
Therefore, in practice, we can follow the differences in thinking between men and women, women have a better memory of emotional factors, and pay more attention to people's changing states.
If you have been entangled with your ex-girlfriend recently, then you can take a break as soon as possible, and the boy may be more concerned about the breakup when he just broke up.
As for his own emotions, the impact on his life is not great, but generally after a week or two, he is particularly easy to touch the situation, and at this time, if you disconnect again, it will be easier to provoke his mood swings.
02
Step 2: Change your mindset and learn new things
In the case of extreme entanglement, I recommend starting with 20 days for disconnection, and less than two months depending on the situation, and do not post your negative emotions on any social platforms during this time.
You can post your own news normally, just show it three times a week, try to be as positive as possible, it is what you like to do, and post photos containing your own image twice a month or so.
During the whole period of disconnection, you can get in touch with some new people and things, you can find the area you are good at, if your ex takes the initiative to talk to you.
Remember, keep your mind steady, don't respond excessively, maintain a weak connection, and try not to initiate a chat.
When you feel that your state is more relaxed, and you are not as lonely and painful as before, we will move on to the third step of reconnection.
03
The third step is called active reconnection and reconstructing the impression
We can divide it into online and offline, generally the more common online is the method of asking for help, and the best thing you ask for help is what the other party is good at.
For example, in a case I received earlier, his predecessor was a pet store owner, and his opening words were: Do you have a Maine with the right price? Recently, I want to get a cat, if you have time, help refer to it.
This makes it easier to start with a natural start, or you can directly discuss some topics that the other person is interested in, if you don't contact them for a while.
You can also directly forward some of your related content sharing, don't worry about being abrupt, as long as you express it more easily and casually, your ex will only feel that it is a reunion of old friends.
If it is offline, you can create a chance encounter, pretend to be doing something nearby at the intersection or the place you often go to, and when you see the other party, you can calmly say hello, and if you meet by chance, it will show that you have something to do, not deliberately staying, etc.
But remind everyone that you must lay a good social circle before the reunion, the ex is easy to click on because of curiosity, when he finds that you are not depressed when you break up during this time, and your content is a very sunny life.
When the friendship zone is established, he generally does not have a rejection mentality. When your relationship gradually stabilizes, there is no tension, and there are occasional jokes, we can move on to the next step.
04
The fourth step is to falsely retreat and deepen the sense of disparity between the ex
Psychology has found that nostalgia is an emotion that is highly related to the self, that is, when the former feels that he is no longer at odds with the important, he will only experience a sense of loss.
Therefore, in the follow-up contact process, you can occasionally refuse the other party's request and consciously keep a distance.
When you no longer respond to your ex's sentences, he will really feel that the little tail in the past seems to finally need him, and then he can see his position clearly.
05
The fifth step is to create a sense of crisis and stimulate his desire to compound
You can have a sense of crisis, but you have to apply it according to the specific situation, just moderately, don't go overboard, otherwise it will be easy to get angry with your predecessor.
However, there are some exes whose emotions are more stable, then he may pretend not to care, but if he finds that you are getting better and better in the whole process.
Your state is becoming more and more stable, and if you have transformed from the inside out to a high-energy person, it will not be timely to reply to his messages.
The more he invests, the harder it is for him to let go, and if he loses his sense of reaching a certain tipping point, you will feel that he is more active than in the past.
Therefore, redemption is actually a psychological game, as long as he can break through his psychological defense. Then the next step for you is to reunite.