#头条创作挑战赛#
In a cake shop in Shanghai, an ordinary scene touched the heartstrings of countless people.
An innocent five-year-old girl, excitedly picking out three donuts, turned around and announced to her mother: "Mom, I want to buy these three!" ”
Her eyes sparkled with anticipation, and she waited with joy for her mother's approval.
However, after the mother hung up the phone, her face sank, and her tone was cold and questioned: "Why do you buy so much?" Can you finish it? ”
The child's smile narrowed slightly, but still explained in a childish voice: "I want to give one to Mom, Dad and I each...... Mom works hard. ”
Before the child could finish speaking, the mother interrupted directly: "Neither my father nor I like to eat, so you are greedy." Why don't you understand the hard work of adults? ”
The child's eyes gradually lost their brilliance, and he compromised aggrievedly: "Okay then, I'll put it back." ”
As she silently put back the doughnut, the mother was once again immersed in the other end of the phone, ignoring the emotions that were surging in the child's heart—an innocent desire to warm the tired hearts of her family with a small dessert, but she was misunderstood and blamed.
This situation and this scene make the audience feel heavy.
On the Internet, many resonances emerged, and many people saw their own shadows in the little girl's encounter:
Those moments when you try to share your joy with your parents but are coldly treated, those who have dreams but are ruthlessly denied.
Every hopeful attempt eventually turned into disappointment and frustration, as if enthusiasm had been extinguished by a basin of cold water, which made people feel deeply disappointed and frustrated.
Under this cycle of interaction, people gradually learn to stop expecting, dreams gradually fade, and the flame in their hearts is slowly extinguished in constant criticism.
A netizen's emotion is thought-provoking: "Being able to have parents who never disappoint their happiness has surpassed the happiness standards of most families!" ”
Although the rhetoric is slightly exaggerated, it accurately captures a wide range of resonance.
In real life, too many parents lack gentleness and understanding in communication, as one education expert said: "In today's society, having parents who are never disappointing is tantamount to the most precious and rare 'luxury' for young people." ”
The parents who are disappointing, whose happiness is "swept away" in the end
In the issue of "Reader", there is an article that deeply touches people's hearts - "The Father of Disappointment".
The story begins with a heartwarming but fleeting moment: her daughter excitedly shows her family the $600 she won in the lottery through a video call.
The mother's reaction was as if ignited with joy, and her laughter was hearty, full of admiration for her daughter's good luck.
This happiness inadvertently attracted the attention of his father.
However, the appearance of the father was like a dark cloud, and cold water was poured on his face with displeasure: "What is there to be happy about, it's just a gamble." You wait and see, this time I won 600 yuan, and I may lose more in the future. ”
On the other end of the screen, her daughter suddenly felt the freezing of the atmosphere, and her heart was full of grievances and loss.
Her father's words seemed to presuppose that her future was a gambling tragedy caused by a lack of self-control, turning the 600 yuan, which should have been a symbol of luck, into a herald of misfortune.
Growing up in such a "disappointing" atmosphere, my daughter was gradually bound by a "not worthy of beauty" mentality, and this psychological burden became heavier and heavier as she grew older, until she unconsciously copied this model.
It wasn't until a conversation with his younger brother was overheard by her husband that everything took a turn for the better.
The younger brother is full of enthusiasm to talk about the colorful college life, but she, as an older sister, reminds him not to forget to study when he mentions club activities, and asks for the cost when he shows off his achievements in a newly learned instrument.
Her husband's calm words, "Why are you so discouraged", were like a wake-up call, which made her wake up suddenly, and tears welled up.
The source of her grief is not her husband's accusations, but the fact that she has unconsciously become the character who transmits the pain, turning the hurt she has suffered into a sharp thorn and unconsciously stabbing others.
Indeed, parents and children are closely connected, and when the joy of children does not resonate with their parents, or even encounters cold water, the emotional communication that should nourish the soul turns into consumption and estrangement.
Children who grow up in such a family environment often have a barren and desolate soil in their spiritual world, and even worse, they will unconsciously pass on this suffering to those around them, forming a closed loop of painful cycles.
A similar scene has also sparked widespread discussion in a mother-daughter conversation video shared by Tik Tok blogger @jiaoying summers, once again revealing the pervasiveness and profound impact of this phenomenon in family education.
In a thought-provoking video, her daughter calmly faces the camera and reveals what her mother says about her: "I was labeled as a 'clown girl' by my mother, but she didn't realize that in the United States, dark skin is actually a symbol of beauty. ”
In response, the mother countered in a tone mixed with suspicion and joke: "So, you now call yourself a beauty? ”
Immediately afterwards, she unabashedly expressed her deep-seated opinion: "I never thought you were beautiful, your complexion was not attractive to me, and even described your lips as 'lard mouth'. ”
Psychology provides a prism through which to see this phenomenon – disappointment, emotional isolation.
This is a psychological defense strategy in which individuals unconsciously distance themselves from each other in order to avoid further trauma after frequent disappointments.
This mechanism transcends age boundaries, appearing both in the adult world and in the child's growing up.
Especially for children, at the critical stage of character formation, if they are frequently belittled and denied by their parents, this continuous emotional blow will gradually build a heart wall and push the parent-child relationship to estrangement.
Therefore, when many parents wonder "why are their children so alienated from me", perhaps they should reflect on themselves: in those days that have passed, when children open the door of their hearts with anticipation, are you just giving them a chilling response again and again?
Every rash denial is inadvertently pushing the child away from you.
As young people grow up, they learn how to deal with people again
Last year's Halloween, the Internet celebrity "This Ying" became popular because of COS Na Ying, and its topic # This Ying has been discouraged by her parents for 20 years # continued to ferment on the hot search, which is thought-provoking.
This Ying's childhood was not smooth, and in the face of bullying from her classmates, she chose to remain silent, because her mother's reaction was always: "Why you?" "It taught her to be patient.
At the age of 17, after graduating from secondary school, she stepped into the society, handed over all her monthly salary, and left only 400 yuan as personal expenses, and never questioned this "responsibility".
Over time, she gradually developed a timid and overly sensitive personality, and learned a set of patterns of behavior to please her parents.
At the age of 19, she decided to change and moved away from her family to embark on a journey of self-reinvention.
Through continuing education, she has dabbled in fashion design and advertising, and has continuously enriched herself. He has been engaged in a variety of work such as clothing shopping guide, Internet advertising, and live broadcast e-commerce operation, and has accumulated valuable experience.
After moving to Shanghai, her life revolved around her supportive boyfriend and encouraging girlfriends.
In June last year, a post imitating Na Ying made her gain tens of thousands of likes, and she has since become famous on the Internet.
Realizing that this was a turning point, she threw herself into it, and with her unique sense of humor, she took the lead in imitating Na Ying.
The 28-year-old is gradually achieving self-awareness and reconciliation, and even in the face of negative comments, she can cope calmly: "In the face of bad comments, the mentality will inevitably fluctuate, after all, it is the early stage of self-reconstruction, and the foundation is still shallow. ”
Many netizens resonated with this Ying's growth process and shared their stories of "self-reinvention".
Some netizens described that when they began to treat themselves like "raising their daughters", their lives became smooth.
For example, although I successfully grabbed a concert ticket for my favorite singer, the ticket price was expensive, and I once felt that I did not deserve such a luxury; took a personal photo, which was full of expectations, but after completion, I blamed myself for enjoying undue happiness.
……
However, once you imagine that this is about your own daughter-
All concerns seem to have vanished.
It doesn't matter if she meets the world's standards of beauty, her body shape doesn't matter, she doesn't have to worry too much about her ability to interact with people, and it doesn't have to be a requirement for her to be extraordinary......
"I only wish my daughter could happily pursue the love of her heart and live every day freely, she deserves such a life."
One netizen shared that his childhood craving for cream ice cream failed to get his wish, and he set out to reconnect with food as an adult.
Chocolate, jelly, ice cream, no matter the brand or flavor, choose as you like;
Open multiple packs of snacks at one time, no longer afraid of blame;
Even if the chips are torn too wide, there is no need to worry about being harshly criticized.
It's up to you when you wake up on the weekend, how you laze when you get home, and how you dress every day.
The list goes on and on.
In the process, they gradually healed the child who had not been fully cared for in the depths of their hearts.
Through a variety of approaches, they rediscover themselves, face themselves bravely, reinvent their personalities, reconstruct their behavioural patterns, and sketch a new picture of their world.
I've been in the rain myself, so I want to hold an umbrella for my child
Sigmund Freud, the Austrian master of psychology, once said:
"Unspoken emotions don't dissipate, they just bury them deeply, waiting to reappear in a more hideous way in the future."
In the past, many individuals survived under the weight of the emotions of their elders, and their lives were shrouded in the haze of others, with low self-esteem, welcome, and cowardice.
Now, these people have learned to dig into their negativity and let it go in the sun.
As parents, they have opened up a new role - "parents who never pour cold water".
I still remember the figure of the "funny dad" outside the college entrance examination room:
Because his daughter was addicted to otome games, he specially made "Charlie Sue" standing cards and banners, and held flowers to welcome his daughter who returned from the college entrance examination.
Perhaps, he doesn't know the true identity of "Charlie Sue", but he knows that this move can bring laughter to his daughter. As for the grades, that's not the point.
The Weibo topic is hotly discussed#Parents are happy but not sweep the emotions full score#, and a little boy's behavior has warmed the hearts of countless netizens:
Because of his mother's preference for earrings, the boy quietly saved up pocket money to buy her a pair of 925 sterling silver floral earrings.
At the moment of the handover of mother and son, not only did she not blame the waste, but the mother was full of smiles and gratitude:
"It's so beautiful, thank you so much, Mom likes it very much."
Feeling his mother's positive response, the little boy's tense heartstrings relaxed, and the corners of his eyes glistened with tears of emotion.
We often lament that we were disciplined by our parents in childhood, and that we urgently need to "grow up in reverse" as adults.
But we ignore that we, as parents or parents, should also give our children the same amount of encouragement and praise.
It is also necessary to make them firmly believe: "You are worthy of all the good things in the world, even if you encounter adversity, you must laugh at life." ”
After all, the relationship between parents and children is a journey that is gradually drifting away.
Spread more warmth, treasure more joy, stimulate children's potential with appropriate appreciation, and be patient with their subtle needs, so that family affection is more and more closely connected in empathy and dialogue.
Not long ago, a heartwarming piece of news caught a lot of attention: Kaka (not her real name), a woman in her prime of life, quickly became popular online for publicly sharing a profound conversation with her father.
Kaka is currently single and facing a career gap, but instead of imposing pressure on marriage or employment, her father has spoken up for his daughter with understanding.
"Pushing your daughter to make a specific career breakthrough within the year, or rushing to find a partner, is not a necessity in life.
The core is that daughters should be encouraged to pursue their inner passions.
In the face of children's anxiety and confusion, our role as parents is to support and encourage, rather than blindly blaming and adding unnecessary pressure – which can only backfire. ”
"Unemployment and singleness are not unique to Kaka's situation, the reasons behind them are complex and varied.
Some people may disagree with this attitude, but in contemporary society, it is particularly important to have a casual attitude towards life.
Life is full of imperfections, and blandness is also a norm, and there is no need to force the splendor of the moment. After all, who can give an exact definition of the variety and excitement of life? ”
Thanks to his father's positive influence, Kaka was not swallowed up by the current predicament, but instead pursued a passion for life, actively searched for new career opportunities, and maintained full expectations for love.
Indeed, only those parents who do not extinguish the spark in their children's hearts can raise children with high levels of happiness.
Such children, even in the face of adversity, are bright inside, exuding a warm power from the inside out, which is the source of their courage and ability to overcome obstacles.
As Mo Yan said: "Behind every child's excellence, it is soaked in the sweat of their parents." ”
In this world, no child is born perfect, and no one is born inferior.
Therefore, do not hesitate to give your child praise and affirmation and make encouragement the norm.
Click "Follow", may we all become the light of "not disappointing the fun", illuminating every step of children's growth, and being their most solid backing and most faithful witness.