If your relationship is a real breakup, it means that the other party has a tendency to reject your emotions, and there is already a thick communication barrier between you at this time.
Therefore, the focus of our redemption is to break the wall between you, that is, to dismantle the other party's vigilance and defense mechanism against you.
But when they just broke up, the two were already at the peak of their emotions, and they couldn't be like a fake breakup, using a little trick to "coax" each other to come back, so what should I do?
Calm and patient, yes, the recovery of a real breakup takes longer, and many times it seems to be just a conflict caused by some trivial fuse.
In fact, it is the accumulation of countless details that have not been dealt with well, because the previous way is not right, or the problems that arise have been ignored all the time.
If you get by and don't really solve the problem, your problems will snowball and get bigger and bigger, and eventually the contradictions will explode.
As long as you can withstand the pressure and use the right method, there is still a chance to make the other person turn back.
But only if you go through the following four stages, and if you can do them all, then you will definitely get back together, it's only a matter of time.
01
Emotional period
When you first break up, because of the impact of conflicts, both parties have great mood swings, and the other party's mind is still full of negative impressions of you.
At this time, both of them will have a certain amount of irritability and pain, especially if you don't want to break up, if you don't calm down during this time, you can't help but disturb him, beg, make trouble, and toss, it will only add fuel to the fire.
Because the more you explain and apologize and ask for reunion, in the eyes of the other party, your bad things will be repeatedly reinforced, and the more he wants to stay away.
Many people are getting more and more stiff because of this, dying at this step, standing in the other party's position and thinking, can you bear the people who have just had a conflict and broke up, and the people who resisted in their hearts are entangled again? That is not called redemption, that is called harassment!
The correct way is to admit your own mistakes first, meet the needs of the other party, give yourself and the other party time to calm down, sort out the past, be calm and independent, and avoid further deterioration of the conflict.
The greater the conflict when breaking up, the more you must set aside time, give time for the other party to buffer, calm down, don't bother, and let him feel your respect.
The establishment of the relationship begins with the "stimulation", develops in the "comfort zone", and the same goes for redemption, and now the two of you are temporarily separated.
It is also creating a comfort zone, allowing the other party to relax their guard against you, dilute their negative emotions towards you, and pave the way for future recovery.
And you just need to try your best to return to a normal life, don't be knocked down by emotions, eat and drink, divert your attention and do things that make you relaxed, focused, and preferably improve yourself, after all, a person who does not cherish himself is also difficult to be cherished.
02
Peace period
No matter how much the conflict blows up at the beginning, it will eventually be smoothed out by time, which is the so-called peace period, when the ex's heart will be calm and there will be no waves.
But it doesn't mean that the other party's guard is lifted, many people can't help but "harass" and ask for reunion at this time, in fact, you can't be in a hurry at this time, otherwise you will return to the emotional period before liberation overnight.
The right way to do this is:
You first contact each other as an ordinary friend and mentality, with a little concern in the estrangement, communicate plainly, and don't be too enthusiastic in tone.
Don't say anything related to your feelings, otherwise it is easy to expose your sense of need, the frequency of chat is best 1~4 back and forth each time, 1-3 days to chat, control the time, don't fall in love.
This is a process of temptation, to test the other party's attitude towards you, and you must be calm and prepared for the other party to be indifferent and ignore you.
As for the content of the chat, it should be shallow rather than deep
Many people don't know what to talk about at this stage, but it's actually the ones you can think of that you would say to ordinary friends:
For example: holiday greetings, counseling and help topics.
For example, if a friend wants to give his girlfriend a birthday gift, and he plans to pick out a lipstick, and your lipstick is so beautiful, ask for your advice, in general, to let the other person relax their guard and create a comfortable atmosphere when getting along.
03
Consideration period
After the first one or two steps of foreshadowing, both parties can be more rational in dealing with feelings, and the other party will evaluate your performance, consider the current fit of both parties, and consider whether to get back together.
So at this time, you still can't relax, cooperate with your social platforms, and add a positive image after changing your own shortcomings and transformation as a show.
At this time, the communication can be a little more in-depth, such as talking about social hot spots, guiding the other party to say more, and using some light and humorous words to make the atmosphere more pleasant.
However, at this time, the other party may still be emotionally uncertain, hot and cold, and this is the time when the other party is examining you and is struggling.
You have to have the mindset of going with the flow, and just stay stable or get into a better state on top of the connection that you have laid down before.
04
回溯期
Friends who have a bit of a redemption experience know that it is easier to fall in love with someone you loved again than to fall in love with a stranger again.
Why? It's because the two are together and have a lot of common experiences, even after a long time of running-in and contradictions, they will still have good memories of this person who "once occupied a part of his life".
After the first three stages of redemption, you can talk about "interesting stories between the two of you before" to evoke good memories of each other.
You can also talk about your plans for the future, and if the other party posts a nostalgic trend in the circle of friends, you can take over the topic to express your thoughts.
Finally, find a suitable reason to make a specific invitation, such as the other party's suggestion to help you, to express gratitude, etc., if the other party agrees, then the success of the invitation is basically a success.
The last little point is to establish a relationship, if you have successfully reunited by this time, then congratulations!
The image when you get back together has to be your real transformed image, if it's just a short-term disguise, it's meaningless, remember: breaking up, in fact, is an opportunity to know yourself, and redemption is an opportunity to improve yourself.