A home is getting better and better, starting with quitting these four tones of speech
www.toutiao.com 2024-02-17 19:13
Language is humanity's greatest invention and a weapon with which humans harm each other:
It is obviously caring, but what is said is accusation and blame; it is obviously recognition, but what is said is sarcasm and sarcasm;
Obviously, he could answer well, but what he said was rhetorical questions and mockery......
Many family conflicts stem from improper expression.
A good family relationship has a lot to do with language expression, especially the tone of speech, and if you want family happiness, start by changing your tone.
01 Rude rhetorical question
Example:
"How do I know your stuff and you won't look for it yourself?"
"Don't you have long hands?"
"Don't you have a point in mind?"
Imagine how you would feel if someone in your family asked you that question a lot.
Discomfort is basic.
I heard a friend talk about such a small thing:
He and his wife went on a trip, and when they arrived at the hotel, his wife wanted to go to the supermarket to buy something, because she was not familiar with the road, so she casually asked him: "How should I go this way?"
My friend was a little tired on the way, and was lying on the sofa playing with his mobile phone to rest, and he was a little impatient when he heard this:
"Who do you ask me, who do I ask? Don't you know how to navigate on your phone?"
As soon as the words fell, the room was silent for several seconds, and the friend was also stunned, and looked up to see that his wife's face was really bad.
Fortunately, he realized that his tone was not very good, and immediately apologized to his wife.
Some people say that people with low emotional intelligence are very "good at" rhetorical questions.
When a person speaks to you in a rhetorical tone, it conveys strong condemnation, inexplicable hostility, and a condescending posture, which makes people very uncomfortable.
Not only that, but the tone of the other person's rhetorical questions often makes it seem that their questions are ridiculous, and you can hear the ridicule and attack in the tone of the other person.
When communicating with family members, be cautious about using rhetorical questions.
02 impatience full of indifference
Example:
"I've never seen such a disobedient child as you!"
"You're so annoying! Can you be quiet?"
"Are you finished?"
How does impatience hurt a family?
I have a relative in my hometown, the old man is 70 years old, and he just learned to use WeChat during that time, because he was not familiar with it, and he couldn't type, so he was very struggling.
I often call my children for help, and the first few times the children patiently answered.
Too many times, and they broke out:
"Oh, Dad, didn't I teach you the other day?
Why can't you remember? I'm going to work!"
When the old man heard the answer, he hung up the phone in a panic, half ashamed, half self-blame.
Perhaps, the impatience of the children is not intentional, but the degree of harm to the elderly will not be lessened.
If the people closest to you are constantly impatient with you, it will make you aggrieved and self-doubting, and doubting yourself is a problem.
Parents are the same with their children, and many parents often show impatient tones and expressions when tutoring their children with homework.
When seeing a parent impatient, a child's feelings may be:
Self-blame: My parents think I'm annoying, do they dislike me?
Grievance: I just didn't know a question, but I was scolded.
Self-denial: I might be really stupid......
All the feelings come together and you become helpless.
Compared with direct abuse, the damage caused by an impatient tone is subtle and subtle, and unconsciously distances you and your child.
03 knife mouth, tofu heart
Example:
"Wear so little, you deserve to freeze to death. ”
"Don't you have long eyes? Don't look at the car. ”
"Just do it, don't look for me when you're sick. ”
There is a question on Zhihu: "What kind of experience is it to have a mother with a knife mouth and tofu heart?"
There is one answer that is impressive:
"I don't believe that someone with a knife mouth will have a tofu heart, and even if there is, it will be a hard frozen tofu, the kind that can kill people. ”
The heroine in the movie "The New King of Comedy" is like a dream, because of the tricks.
She has not been recognized by her father, who scolded her for "mud can't support the wall", threw her luggage downstairs, and told her never to come back.
The daughter left home in a frustration, and a few days after leaving, the father secretly followed his daughter and came to the set to see if anyone was bullying his daughter, for fear that his daughter would starve and be wronged.
Later, Rumeng successfully became a big actor, and his father silently shed tears in the audience.
Bad words from parents are often a sign of not being able to express love and not being able to speak.
There are many people who often put knives in their mouths and tofu hearts, and always feel that it doesn't matter how ugly and ruthless they are.
But the truth is that your family can't see your tofu heart at all, and can only see the real damage.
For example, if your child is wearing less clothes, you are obviously worried, but you express it with a strong attack:
"You just do it! Freeze to death! I won't care about you!"
After a few cruel words, where can the family see your concern, and finally the child is unwilling to open himself, and the parent-child relationship has deteriorated.
Don't use tofu heart to rationalize your knife mouth, a knife is a knife, and it will only bring harm to children.
04 Irony and negation
Example:
"I've never seen anyone as stupid as you. ”
"You're really useless. ”
"I wouldn't have given birth to you if I had known. ”
There was once such a news that there was a "post-00" boy who climbed to the top of the 33rd floor and sat on the edge of the rooftop railing and wanted to jump.
The reason was that the family bought a refrigerator that day, and the delivery man went to deliver the goods to the house and made a mistake, and the child called his mother to ask his mother, because the signal was not good, and he couldn't say it clearly.
Mom was anxious and scolded angrily: "Why are you so stupid, you have to die!"
The child's father also scolded him: "It's so old, I don't understand this little thing!"
The boy couldn't think about it for a while, so he climbed onto the rooftop, but fortunately was rescued by the police.
Can you blame the kid Glass Heart?
In fact, the deepest hurt in the world is always language, and sometimes it hurts the people closest to you without noticing, and this psychological torture often makes people collapse.
There is such a story:
There was a boy with a very bad temper, and his father gave him a bag of nails and told him to put a nail in the fence in the backyard whenever he lost his temper.
The boy did so. On the first day, he drove 37 nails.
But slowly, the number of nails dropped each day became smaller and smaller, and he found it easier to control his temper than to nail those nails.
He told his father about it, and he said that from now on, whenever he could control his temper, he would pull out a nail.
As the days passed, the boy finally told his father that he had finally pulled out all the nails.
The father said:
"Son, you're doing a great job.
But if you look at the holes in the fence, you can never get back to what they used to be.
The nasty words you say when you're angry, like these nails, leave scars. ”
When we speak ill of our family, we are nailing the nail in the heart of the family, and such damage can never be repaired.
Lin Yutang said:
"It's not easy to speak.
We talk every day, and we don't necessarily speak.
We've talked about it all our lives, but how many words are particularly good?"
Children learn to speak when they are less than a year old, but it takes a long time to explore and learn from speaking to speaking well.
As parents, it is necessary for us to communicate with those around us gently and rationally, which is not only to demonstrate the importance of speaking well to our children, but also the key to making our family happy.