In the traditional Chinese couple's relationship, women are mostly worried about their lives.
With the development of society, from the post-90s to the post-00s generation gradually enter marriage, more and more women are unwilling to revolve around the family after marriage and live a life of "worrying". Compared with the marriage of the post-80s generation and their parents' generation, the post-90s and post-00s generations are often more free and easy when facing marriage and family.
When a large number of post-90s women get married, most of the negative evaluations given to this group of women by society are "irresponsible", "too self-conscious", and "irresponsible".
But in my opinion, they are not irresponsible, they just know how to live their own lives and how to love themselves better, instead of living as accessories of others.
After all, judging from the current social phenomenon, after the post-90s generation enters marriage, although the divorce rate is also high, most of those who maintain their marriage will not live too badly after marriage.
If a woman wants to live comfortably in marriage, she should not care too much, don't say what she shouldn't say, worry less about it, and enjoy more happiness.
1. A smart woman, no matter what.
First, regardless of the man's work and social circle, respect each other.
After two people get married, many women will ask the man to hand in his salary card, or always ask the man about his work, such as when he can be promoted, when he will have a bonus, when he can get a salary increase, and why his colleagues in the same period have been promoted.
There are also some women with a strong desire to control, who will interfere too much in men's social circles, what kind of friends they make, why they go out to socialize, and whether they should socialize with their former classmates......
However, most men don't like their women to interfere too much in their work and social circles.
Both men and women, even if they are married, have their own circles and attitudes to life, if women have to understand everywhere and intervene in everything, not only tired themselves, but also make men feel that they are not respected.
Keep in mind that for the circle of your partner, you can fit in, but you can't interfere.
You can ask out of concern, but you can't interfere with his decision, and don't break the casserole to ask to the end, he doesn't want to take you into the circle, and there is no need to force it in.
Second, don't worry about the affairs of your mother-in-law's family, you can get along well with each other.
Whether it's your in-laws' house or your in-laws' relatives, you can sit in on the hearing, but don't make decisions. If the other party asks you what you think, depending on your attitude, you can echo your husband's or your in-laws' own thoughts and give some opinions; if no one asks you, just listen to it, and there is no need to worry about it.
Don't be reckless, don't look like you know very well and are very powerful, sometimes you want to behave in front of your in-laws, but you have to understand that if there is really something, you come out, meet a reasonable in-law family, you do things well, that's okay, but if things don't do well, then it's all your fault.
For women, the affairs of the in-laws' family are like a hot potato, if you can not take it, you will not accept it, even if you feel that you have indeed done something inappropriate, and you want to give you "professional" advice, just tell your husband, don't tell your in-laws or relatives directly, otherwise in the end it is easy to become kind as a donkey's liver and lungs, or thankless.
Third, don't care about the requirements of your mother-in-law's family, it's good to live your own life.
After getting married, many women obviously want to work hard in their careers for a few more years, but they backfire and start spare tires early, bent on having children, and some women eventually quit their jobs to raise babies and take care of babies at home.
Among them, how many are because of the requirements of the in-laws.
Once two people become a legal husband and wife, after half a year, there are few in-laws who will not urge their daughter-in-law to have a child as soon as possible.
Some in-laws urge their daughters-in-law to get pregnant as soon as possible, some ask their daughters-in-law to quit their jobs and prepare for pregnancy at home, and some ask their daughters-in-law to quit their jobs and raise babies at home, and some ask their daughters-in-law not to go to work after giving birth.
Of course, there are also in-laws who vaguely dislike their daughter-in-law's work and hope that their daughter-in-law can change to a job with face, or feel that their daughter-in-law's work requires business trips and overtime, and they can't take care of their family and ask them to change jobs.
Most of the mother-in-law's requirements for their daughters-in-law are from the perspective of "hurry up to have children", "take care of children" and "can't wronged their sons", and few of them are considerate of their daughters-in-law from the perspective of daughters-in-law.
Therefore, in the face of the requirements of your in-laws for yourself, don't think too much, your mouth grows on others, you can say whatever your in-laws like, the important thing is what you think. If you don't want to change jobs or positions, then you don't want to change jobs, and if you don't want children for the time being, then you don't want to get pregnant. No one can make decisions for you in your life.
If the husband is reliable, let the husband communicate with the in-laws to avoid intensifying the conflict between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law; if the husband approves of his parents' attitude and asks you with his parents, then after the communication is ineffective, you must also defend your own rights and interests.
Your life can't be turned into what you don't like because of a marriage.
Fourth, regardless of men's promises, focus on managing yourself.
There is a saying, "The lover's sweet words blow in the wind, and God pretends not to hear." ”
Even God doesn't believe in the sweet words of love, so we and other sentient beings should not fall into the honey pot of love, guard the sweet words of our lover, and be deeply trapped in it, unable to extricate ourselves.
A man's promise can be listened to, and it is considered to be happy at the time, but don't expect too much, keep the other party's promise, thinking that it will be the near future.
For men's commitments, believing in two points is the expectation of the other party and the illusion of the future, and the remaining eight points are not as good as believing in yourself.
Instead of putting your time and energy into anticipation and waiting, it is better to read more books, learn more, improve your skills more, manage yourself well, and make yourself better and better.
If the other party keeps his promise, it is a surprise, if he doesn't do it, you still won't have too many disappointments, otherwise if you wholeheartedly keep the other party's promise, you will end up miserable.
From passive to active, through their own efforts, so that the marriage and the future have more stability, this is the way of a smart woman.
Second, a woman with high emotional intelligence, three don't say.
First, don't compare your husband to other people of the opposite sex.
Men mostly want to save face, and whether you compare him to your ex or to other members of the opposite sex, it is a very humiliating and painful thing for him.
There are not many men who want to hear those comparisons from their wives, after all, every man wants to be the pillar of the family and the backer of his woman.
If a woman always compares her husband to other men, the man will feel that his wife is actually looking down on her.
Second, don't complain about your in-laws.
Contemporary society is also not happy with the saying "marry a chicken and marry a dog with a dog", but two people become a legal husband and wife, and the other party's parents are also called by you as a father and mother, and they are also a family, so the respect that should be there must be no less.
How do you feel if the other person doesn't respect your parents?
Loving someone also requires accepting the other person's family, if you really have any opinions, just communicate well with the person next to you, and don't say those words of complaint and blame.
Third, don't say anything that disparages your husband.
The relationship between husband and wife is one, and when you belittle him, you also belittle yourself.
You have to understand that husband and wife are one, one is prosperous, and the other is lost.
From love to marriage, it is a matter of your will, no one persecutes you, since you voluntarily choose to marry each other, you should understand that the person you should protect and protect is nothing more than this pillow person who is by your side every day.
If someone belittles him, you should not hesitate to stand up for his dignity, instead of becoming the initiator who hurts him, satirizes him, hits him, and hurts him.
epilogue
Managing a marriage requires wisdom and emotional intelligence, and those things that you shouldn't worry about, don't interfere, otherwise you will be tired and thankless, and if you shouldn't say it, don't say it, and the rules are to hurt your lover and your marriage.
Why are most smart women with high emotional intelligence not bad in marriage, because they all understand "proportion" and understand that the element of managing a marriage is to "carry it clearly".
On the other hand, those who are not clear in their marriage, and those who speak and act in a disproportionate manner, seem to have worked a lot of hard work, but in fact they do not have many blessings.
Therefore, in marriage, if you keep your mouth shut, if you can't say what you can't say, if you are easy to hurt your feelings, if you keep your mouth shut, it will be easier to reap happiness.