Someone on Zhihu asked: "What is the root cause of a person's bad life?"
A high praise replied: "It's not a matter of ability, and it has nothing to do with appearance, but it's not good at screening." ”
Many times, a person does not live well enough, often not because life is too difficult, but because they are tied up by too many burdens.
The emotions of self-friction, the past that cannot be let go, and the social ...... of losing oneself
These worthless distractions and complexities always make us restless and exhausted.
Lin Yutang once said:
"The wisdom of life lies in gradually clarifying and filtering out the unimportant impurities and preserving the most important parts. ”
When I reach a certain age, I understand more and more that filtering out those things that are "uncomfortable, unnecessary, and inappropriate" is the most transparent way for a person to live.
Filter out the "black hole" emotion
When Lu Mengzheng, the famous minister of the Northern Song Dynasty, first served as the governor of the government, when he entered the court, someone deliberately said when he passed by: "A poor boy who has been a beggar is also worthy of entering the court as an official?"
Hearing this, Lu Mengzheng did not step forward to theorize, but pretended not to hear it, and went straight to the temple.
His colleagues were furious and said that they would track down the man who had spoken wildly.
Lu Mengzheng hurriedly grabbed his colleague and said lightly: "Once I know who that person is, I will definitely have an argument with him, so that I lose my mind and cause even greater trouble, which will not do me any good." ”
In the face of the other party's rudeness, Lu Mengzheng did not fight in anger, but maintained a calm mind, resolved a contradiction with neglect, and won a good reputation.
In life, there will always be times when we are misunderstood and slandered, if we get angry out of control and are bent on revenge, we will only be eaten by the "black hole" emotion. Not only does it not solve the problem, but it also traps itself in a whirlpool of negative energy.
Only when a person controls his emotions can he think calmly and pull himself in the dark moment.
Source: Visual China
Netizen @zhao先生 shared a story.
Xiao Liu is a car salesman who works diligently, but he is easily swayed by emotions when he encounters problems.
When the customer questioned the safety performance of the vehicle, Xiao Liu was immediately unhappy and angrily: "It's better to go home and sit on the sofa if you are afraid of danger." ”
The colleague reminded Xiao Liu to pay attention to the way he spoke, and he accused him in a weird way: "Standing and talking doesn't hurt your back, you can do it." ”
Seeing that he was emotional and spoke harshly, the client directly bypassed him and went to find someone else.
The enthusiasm of his colleague put a cold face on him, and he also chose to avoid him.
After a period of time, Xiao Liu didn't sell a single car, and his work was still in place.
Under the guidance of his friends, Xiao Liu began to realize that if he couldn't even control his emotions, no matter how hard he tried, it would be useless.
Later, every time he wanted to get angry, he used the "three-second emotion management" method, first silenced for 3 seconds, and after the irritability in his heart subsided, he chose to deal with it with appropriate methods.
When encountering difficult customers, Xiao Liu will patiently listen to their needs and answer questions until they choose the car they want.
The surprises of life soon came, Xiao Liu achieved a new breakthrough in performance, and was also promoted to team leader by the company.
There is a saying in "Caigen Tan": "Those who are irritable and careless will achieve nothing; ”
When people are kidnapped by emotions, their sanity is zeroed, either to turn a small trouble into a big problem, or to let a small mistake become a big disaster. I have the ability to do it for a while, but I have to pay for impulses for the rest of my life.
A really smart person is not without a temper, but he looks down on people when he encounters them, and laughs them off when he encounters bad things.
In the face of the turbulent waves of life, only by stabilizing emotions and maintaining inner peace can we collide with good luck.
Filter the "cage" obsession
Chinese swimmer Ye Shiwen recounted an experience of her own.
In 2010, Ye Shiwen made his debut at the Guangzhou Asian Games and won two gold medals.
In the following three years, she won gold medals many times and became a "genius girl" in the eyes of the world.
But since 2013, Ye Shiwen has repeatedly lost in competitions.
The ensuing negative comments such as "no harvest of particles" and "the peak era has passed" destroyed Ye Shiwen's self-confidence for a while, and she began to lose sleep and fear the game.
In 2017, at the suggestion of his family, Ye Shiwen temporarily left the sports world and entered Tsinghua University to study.
Studying at Tsinghua University is not easy, but Ye Shiwen has gained a lot: in this life, people learn to let go of what they can't get, and choose to be bearish on failure after hard work.
A year later, Ye Shiwen returned to the swimming team, and this time she was no longer obsessed with success or failure, but with a love, she restarted her swimming journey.
Crossing the hurdle in her heart, Ye Shiwen won the gold medal in the women's 200m breaststroke final of the 2023 National Swimming Championships.
In this life, people will inevitably be bound by the troubles of the world.
But the wise man is not attached to one thought, not trapped in one thing, but knows how to let go calmly and walk freely.
Source: Visual China
I have read the story of John D. Rockefeller, the richest man in the United States.
Rockefeller made a fortune by the time he was fifty, but he was still anxious about every penny.
Over time, Rockefeller suffered from "alopecia nervo", in which little hair and eyebrows were left behind, and the digestive system was severely damaged.
The doctor issued a critical illness notice: "If you continue to work, you will only live for a short time." ”
Rockefeller suddenly realized that money helped him reach the pinnacle of life, but it could also make him fall into the abyss of pain.
So, Rockefeller chose to retire, he learned to play cards, sing, and in his spare time repaired the yard and chatted with neighbors.
He is no longer obsessed with making money, but donates huge assets to help others and benefit society.
There is a good saying: "Obsession is to close one's own shackles, and letting go is the key to liberating oneself." ”
In this life, people are always entangled and miserable for what they have lost and the past that they can't forget.
But after half a lifetime, I realized that it was not those people and things that really bound my heart, but my own obsessions.
When you can let go of your obsession and clear the past, you will be able to be at ease, and the road ahead will be infinitely exciting.
Filter the "poisonous tongue" circle
In 2018, Ireland released an animated short film, The Cactus and the Little Hedgehog.
In the video, the lonely cactus is envious of the dandelion and the sunflower playing together, but when he plucks up the courage to approach them, the dandelion and the sunflower tease him for his scary spikes.
In order to blend in, the cactus endured severe pain and pulled out the spikes on its arms.
Just as he stretched out his little hand of friendship with joy, Sunflower and Dandelion laughed at him for being stupid and ugly.
Cartoon "Cactus and Little Hedgehog"
Disheartened, the cactus hides until a hedgehog appears.
The hedgehog warmly embraced the cactus, and they became the best friends in the garden.
Cartoon "Cactus and Little Hedgehog"
In order to cater to others, grinding off your edges and corners, and changing your habits, you will only make yourself unrecognizable. Truly like-minded people, equal in energy and appreciate each other.
Previously, the news that all four female students in the same dormitory of Zhejiang University were enrolled in research was all over the Internet.
Four girls from Tiannan and Haibei were fortunate to be roommates.
They are all excellent students, and they agreed to study together in their freshman year, and for this goal, they discussed learning problems together and shared different study plans.
They don't go it alone, but make the most of their strengths, divide up complex courses, and then share resources.
However, after entering the junior year, Yunyun felt a little stressed, and her grades were very unstable.
So, during the summer vacation, the other three all stayed in school to help Yunyun improve his professional level.
They were fortunate enough to meet roommates who were the same frequency, and they walked together to become a better version of themselves.
There is such a line in the TV series "The World": "People have to be with people who are similar to themselves." ”
In this flow of people coming and going, we will always meet different people, some people don't talk more than half a sentence, and some people don't need to say much, you can see the unknown softness in your heart.
When interacting with people, we don't have to forcibly catch up, but with the person who knows your warmth and coldness, and understands your joys and sorrows, hand in hand, go to the sea of stars.
Source: Visual China
There is a sentence in "Living the Meaning of Life": "There is only one thing in life, which is to cultivate yourself and live yourself well." ”
Halfway through my life, I have gone through the hustle and bustle, and I have experienced joys and sorrows before I understand that the key to whether life is smooth or not lies in constantly cultivating myself.
Only by filtering the "black hole" emotions and not controlling the emotions can you become the master of the emotions.
Only by filtering the "cage" obsession and not dwelling on the past can it shine brightly.
Only by filtering the circle of "poisonous tongues" and not being afraid of bad words can we find the relationship with the same frequency.
It is important to hurry forward, but it is also necessary to stop from time to time to sort out the chaotic thoughts and clear the dust in your heart.
For the rest of our lives, may we all be able to live the life we want without panic.
Author: Wang Xiao.