three views,
It is the farthest distance between people.
Author: Insight CC
Someone once concluded that there are no more than three kinds of true friends:
The first is to have a common ideal, the second is to have a common language, and the third is to have a common hobby.
Outside of these three friendships, it is difficult to have a fourth true friendship.
Because if there is no point of mutual resonance between people, they will eventually drift away and become strangers;
If the frequencies are different and the hobbies are different, even if they are destined to know each other, they only talk and do not speculate, and they are estranged from each other.
A truly long-term relationship must be one that is close to each other, has the same three views, and is connected to each other.
1
The frequencies are similar
There is a popular question on the Internet: Why do good friends drift apart?
A high praise answer: It may be because of the gradual years and the three views that are gradually distant.
When there is an unbridgeable gap between two people.
You can't understand my pursuit, I can't catch up with you, and separation has become inevitable for each other.
When Uncle Li lived in Shanghai, he met Xu Huanyuan, who was also a poet.
The two hit it off at first sight and sympathized with each other, so Uncle Li accepted the invitation of Xu Phantom Garden and moved to live in the thatched cottage in the south of the city where the other party was.
During this time, the two often read and wrote together, talked about Fengyue and current affairs, and formed a deep friendship.
But the good times didn't last long, due to the turbulence of the times, Xu Huanyuan, who was originally from a wealthy family, gradually came to the state of bankruptcy.
After such a great change, Xu Huanyuan was unwilling to be reduced to grass mustard and decided to go north to make a living.
Uncle Li knew that he couldn't keep his friend, so he could only see him leave with tears in his eyes, and he was alone in the long cold night, feeling that "his acquaintances were half scattered".
Many years later, Li Shutong saw through the worldly distractions, resolutely gave up fame and fortune, and became a monk in Hangzhou Hupao Temple.
And Xu Huanyuan went north to do business many years ago, and after several twists and turns, several life and death, the more he lived, the more vicissitudes he became.
Later, Li Shutong and Xu Huanyuan also met.
It's just that the two of them at that time, one was in a detached state of mind, and the other was sinking into the sea of suffering, even if they sat together and greeted each other, it would be difficult to regain the way they were at that time.
Writer Su Mei said carefully:
used to be two good friends who had no guesses, but the true love is still there, but there is a river in the middle.
This river is too wide, and it is full of the ups and downs of life, and it can no longer be crossed.
Man is an environmental animal.
Although at some point in the past, we have met, approached, and shared each other's sufferings.
But with the change of circumstances and the difference in frequency, you and I will eventually drift apart.
The relationship between people has always started with the same frequency resonance, and finally the frequency is different.
If you really meet such a person, you don't have to be too sentimental, because the fate between people is certain.
In the vast sea of people, there will definitely be one or two people who will walk in the same way as you and never separate.
2
The three views are compatible
In this life, we will meet many people.
Some people make you feel like a spring breeze when you get along, and some people will make you feel like a man.
In the final analysis, this is because of the difference in the three views.
People who do not agree with the three views will disperse as they walk, while those who have the same three views can walk together even after the wind and rain.
In "Daming Dynasty 1566", Hai Rui and Tan Lun were old friends, and Hai Rui was able to become Chun'an Zhixian County, relying on Tan Lun's recommendation.
It stands to reason that their friendship can last, but the reality is not.
After Hai Rui became the magistrate of the county, he devoted himself to the people, and in order to protect the interests of the people, he stood up many times and worked against the people in power in the imperial court.
But Tan Lun is different, he is in a high position, but he only supports the interests of the superiors, and even often backstabs Hai Rui for this.
Hai Rui was disappointed when he found out and took the initiative to cut off contact with him.
It was also during this period that there was another person who had been helping Hai Rui in the wind and rain, and this person was called Wang Yongji.
Wang Yongji, like Hai Rui, is a local parent official who is well aware of the suffering of the people.
So when he saw that Hai Rui would rather die to speak for the people, he was deeply moved by Hai Rui's pure heart.
Later, because Hai Rui was hit by officialdom, his income was meager, and the whole family was so poor that he could only drink porridge, Wang Yongji paid out of his own pocket and helped him many times.
Hai Rui was arrested and put in prison because he offended the people above, and it was Wang Yongji who helped him take care of the family, which made him have a lot less worries.
Hai Rui was also moved by Wang Yongji's efforts, and even praised from the bottom of his heart: Sage Runlian, I might as well do it.
On the other hand, Hai Rui and Tan Lun obviously knew each other first, but in the end, this friendship stopped at three views.
Therefore, the three views are the farthest distance between people.
If two people have different views, or even opposites, even if they become friends, they will end up in a situation where they don't understand each other.
As the saying goes, different ways do not conspire with each other, and different aspirations do not make friends with each other.
Instead of being entangled with a person who has contradictory views, watching a relationship break up in a crumbling way.
For example, choose a friend who matches the three views at the beginning and manage a long-term and comfortable relationship.
3
Soul to soul
Du Mu in the Tang Dynasty once wrote a very beautiful poem: Acquaintance with Jun Chu is like returning to an old friend.
The most wonderful state of friendship is that although you and I meet for the first time, it is like an old friend reuniting after a long absence.
Su Shi and Huang Tingjian's encounter and acquaintance probably responded to this poem.
Back then, Su Shi saw Huang Tingjian's poems in Huang Tingjian's father-in-law's study by chance.
Although they had never met at that time, as soon as Su Shi saw the article, he felt that he had a deep resonance with Huang Tingjian, so he often wrote to him to talk about literature.
And Huang Tingjian also saw Su Shi's erudition and gentlemanly style in Su Shi's letter, so he introduced him as a confidant in spirit.
In this way, it was not until 1086 AD that the two met in Bianjing.
Over the next three years, they exchanged poems, and sang hundreds of poems to each other alone.
Later, Su Shi was demoted and exiled for political reasons, but Huang Tingjian always stood on the same front with him.
After Su Shi's death, Huang Tingjian often thought of each other.
Whenever he encounters a good situation, he will unconsciously say: It's a pity that Dongpo is not there.
People in the world often say that there was Li Du in the Tang Dynasty and Su Huang in the Long Song Dynasty.
The relationship between Su Shi and Huang Tingjian shows the sincerity and beauty of friendship.
Qian Zhongshu once said: The formation of true friendship is not due to the intentional attraction of both parties, with some accidents, with some unknowing.
The most touching thing in this world is the kind of spiritual resonance and soul-dependent friendship.
I remember that there is such a line in "Heartbeat": If a person is like a rainbow, he will know it when he meets it.
Soul-to-soul friends, that's it.
If you are lucky enough to meet such a fate, I hope to cherish it.
▽
Someone once asked the writer Ma Jiahui, what is a good relationship?
Ma Jiahui replied: A benign and long-term relationship is one in which everyone grows together, not sinks together.
The value of friendship lies in this process of mutual support and empowerment.
If there is a person around you, understand what you are thinking, understand what you want to say and stop.
Even if the wind and rain come, the other party is willing to walk with you year after year, go until the wind and rain stop, and watch the years be quiet.
Then you must do your best to protect and cherish such a relationship.
Like it, I hope you and I can meet such a person, support each other, resist the wind and rain together, and live a prosperous life together.