How to surpass yourself?

"Living Soberly" by Mike Singh

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As we said in the previous section, stealing freedom for the soul requires us to reduce our inner fears and be comfortable with our suffering. So, in this section, let's talk about how to transcend ourselves in our hearts.

Letting go of the "known world"

In many people's minds, going above and beyond is stepping out of your comfort zone, challenging harder tasks, accomplishing bigger tasks, and getting more rewards. But in Singh's view, this kind of transcendence of the self is still a material level, and it does not really solve people's inner needs. This has also caused many people to put in a lot of work and still feel empty and lack of fulfillment.

Simply put, it is to break our inherent perception of life and change the established rules in our hearts. For example, some people always feel that the outside world is very unsafe, and there are all kinds of people and things that may cause a lot of harm to themselves. For this reason, we must strictly protect ourselves, build a high "heart wall" for ourselves, and do not easily reveal our true thoughts to others.

But from the previous content, we know that Singer believes that hurt and pain are a kind of price for people's inner growth, and it is difficult to avoid them completely, so instead of fearing those pain and hurts that are not yet known, it is better to face all kinds of changes in life calmly.

On the other hand, there are also people who think that the world is very beautiful, everyone is very kind, they are very moral, and when others need help, everyone can stand up and give for others. However, people who think this way, when they encounter those selfish behaviors, they will feel very painful, thinking that their worldview has been challenged, and they will experience the "collapse of the three views" every minute.

In fact, the so-called "transcendence" is to change the inherent perception of life, temporarily let go of the "known world", and not use words such as cruelty, pain, beauty, and colorfulness to define it. Don't live in anxiety and anxiety every day because you see darkness, and don't be vigilant about the outside world, and don't be happy every day because you see goodness, and take everything as you like.

Life is life and doesn't be different because of our definition. We make our lives specific to each person, and the content of our daily experiences is completely different. What we should do is to have an open mind, feel with our own hearts, understand the impact of people and things in our lives, and accept reality as it is, rather than simply defining it.

For this reason, Singh points out, this is actually a process of "epiphany", that is, suddenly understood. Because each of us is a member of society, and every day, to a greater or lesser extent, will be disturbed by the voices of the outside world. For example, a lot of people think that I have to have a house and a car to get married and have children, and I should meet everyone's expectations and not offend anyone, etc.

But if we reflect on it, are these concepts as we know them necessarily true? The answer is obviously no. Just as no matter what one does, one cannot meet the needs of all, and more importantly, people are not born to meet the needs of others, but to be themselves.

When a person begins to figure this out, he is already on the road to epiphany, and the premise of epiphany is to accept the reality: we are not born to please others, and we cannot please everyone.

In the same way, there are many similar stereotypes in life. Some of them come from homeschooling from childhood, some come from teachers and classmates at school, and some slowly appear after we work. But we should know that when we realize that we don't have to be responsible for everything in life, we can slowly see life as it is, and surpass ourselves step by step.

Look at everything with the unknown

In the book, Singh also gives a real-life example. In foreign countries, many people will wear electronic collars for their pets. The function of this collar is that when the pet leaves the fixed area, it emits an electric current, and as the current increases little by little, the pet gradually feels the pain, and they will automatically stop and stop running. In this way, the pets are confined to a fixed area.

Interestingly, this so-called electronic collar actually doesn't emit much current. As long as these critters are a little patient and run through that area, the electronic collar will stop discharging and they will be free. However, the vast majority of critters will not try to break through the electronic collar, but will stop at it.

It's actually like a lot of people's attitude towards life. Some people encounter some difficulties, the influence of some preconceived notions, and they feel that there is an "invisible wall" in front of them, and they should not move forward, so they stop.

But the reality is that the so-called "wall" is actually imagined by people themselves, and as long as they are willing to endure the pain of "electronic collars", they will usher in a wider world. For this reason, Singer suggested that we should insist on the "unknown vision" in our lives, give every original thing the opportunity to "renew", and not think about how it was, but learn to accept it.

For example, a colleague with whom we have a good relationship suddenly becomes irritable at work one day, has a bad attitude towards us, and is unwilling to help. In general, we may wonder: Did I do something wrong and offend him, and how can I make amends and repair my relationship with my friends?

When we fall into such a state of mind, we are actually bound by "inherent vision". For such a colleague, our past relationships are important, but our focus should not be on "how to repair past relationships", but on how to "accept the status quo".

Because when we try to repair the relationship, to understand the reasons for the change in our colleagues, to solve the problems, it means that we are repeating the old patterns of getting along. If similar problems arise in the future, we will be in the current predicament again.

So, at this time, what we really have to do is not to care about those negative energies, don't run away, keep open and receptive, don't be bothered by this, and then relax. We will slowly find that those painful negative energies do not seem to be so tormenting.

Aware of the "illusions" around you

Of course, the process is not easy. We experience incomprehension from others, and we become suspicious of ourselves and think that we can't hold on. At this point, we need to ask ourselves, should we base our world on relationships with others, or on something external? If we do this, we will not be able to avoid sadness and disappointment due to changes in the outside world.

Then, when we realize this, we will understand that letting go of the inherent concept and adopting a new vision requires us to find our subjectivity and take ourselves as the starting point of understanding the world, so that the inner world we shape is stable.

To this end, Singer provides an important method, that is, to find the place of his "attachment", to look at the things in life that he cares about in particular, and to see if they can bring meaning to life in the long run.

For example, a person is desperate to make money and wants to buy a house of his own, and he thinks that life is worth living with a house of his own. That's certainly the right idea. But if we assume a situation, this person finally scraped together a down payment, and lived the days of paying off the mortgage every month, and his heart is extremely satisfied.

But at this time, the economy suddenly became sluggish, housing prices began to fall, and the price of the person's house began to fall accordingly, but he still had to pay a high loan for the house, and felt very painful for it. It's actually a case of being overly obsessed. Because the satisfaction brought by his obsessive house does not bring lasting value and meaning to his life, but adds a lot of trouble to his life.

Therefore, Singer pointed out that in life, there are many things that seem to be permanent, but they are actually an illusion. Over time, they will gradually lose their coat of value. In this case, if we want to stabilize our hearts, we must let go of these inner attachments, return to ourselves, focus on our feelings, and let life go on.

We have to learn to experience and not try to control these things. As long as you let go of these things in your heart, you can also surpass yourself and make life easier.

We can also understand it as a kind of "joy of letting go". Let go of attachments, no longer try to fight for good things, reject bad things, allow everything to happen, just accept and deal with it.

Of course, this state of "letting go" does not mean that you will stop working hard, nor will you lie flat, but on the premise of respecting life, try to do what you can and accept those things that cannot be changed. In this way, we can attain true spiritual liberation.