Have you ever had such an experience?
often because I am embarrassed to refuse, I am so tired that my feet do not touch the ground;
Sometimes it is clear that there are different opinions, but they are compromised and remain silent;
Even if you are in a particularly low mood occasionally, you have to treat others with a smiling face......
We do this because we ignore our feelings for fear of being hated.
In the book "The Courage to Be Hated", there is a passage that pierces the hearts of many people:
It's painful to be annoyed. If possible, we all want to live without being oblivious, and we want to do our best to satisfy our desire for recognition.
But a way of life that pleases everyone is an extremely unfree way of life, and at the same time something that is impossible to achieve.
Indeed, the price of freedom is to be hated by others.
If you want everyone to like you, you will inevitably be exhausted and exhausted.
However, it is not necessarily a bad thing that someone hates you, but rather proves that you are living a good life.
Most of the time, people will resist people who are very similar to themselves, but who are doing better than themselves.
Those who are strong in life are never afraid of being hated.
Some time ago, I met my friend Linlin and found that she was having a headache because of interpersonal relationships.
After joining the new company last year, Linlin relied on the accumulated contacts and resources to gnaw down a big and difficult problem.
The leader encouraged her at the all-staff meeting, and specially promoted her to a higher level.
But because of this, she suddenly "had no friends".
The previous "rice partner" always used the excuse that he was busy with work and no longer ate with her.
She tried to give gifts to each other in private, wanting to ease the relationship, but she didn't expect that people still ignored them.
Even the cooperation at work, the other party is perfunctory.
Once, she asked the other party for a copy of the activity data, which she used to report during the weekly meeting. But the other party dragged on until 30 minutes before the meeting to send her the information.
She was a little helpless, but she also realized that this might be the cruel side of the workplace.
Blogger @倩倩倩 also shared a similar experience.
When she frequently expressed her opinions online, some people would fabricate articles that smeared her, and even made personal attacks.
For a long time, she suffered so much that she stopped writing for a while.
She wanted to refute it, but found that if she wanted to prove her innocence, she would have to expose more privacy.
Later, she realizes that she can't please everyone, so she learns not to care about external voices.
In life, there are always people who can't see you, and there are people who hate you inexplicably, but it's not your fault.
As Yu Qiuyu said: "The starting point of jealousy is people's hidden worries about their own vulnerability." ”
In the face of such a situation, it is futile to explain too much.
Not persuading, not getting angry, and not complaining is the smartest way to deal with it.
Having said that, each of us will meet people who are better than you in the process of growing up.
From the attitude towards them, you can see a person's heart and measure.
Instead of comparing with excellent people, it is better to see more of their advantages and learn from them.
Over time, the metamorphosis will happen.
After watching the movie "The Conductor", I was deeply moved by the experience of the heroine Antonia.
She came from a poor background, but she had a dream of music.
However, she was also excluded, denied, and hit by the people around her because of her talent.
When she said "I want to be a conductor" at the banquet, the celebrities and nobles present burst into laughter regardless of their image.
When she wants to form a girl band, countless people try to stop her, waiting for her to make a fool of herself.
People told her, "You can't be a conductor!"
She gritted her teeth and shot back: "If I don't try hard, I won't be able to forgive myself until I die." ”
When she finally got the opportunity to perform, what was waiting for her was not the cheers of the audience, but the overwhelming doubts, and everyone wanted to see her fail.
Fortunately, she withstood the huge pressure of public opinion, and won the appreciation of the 1,500 audience with her excellent ability, and she became the first female conductor in history.
She admitted: "It doesn't matter how others despise me and judge me, I know what I'm doing." ”
Yes, sometimes the better the person, the easier it is to be out of place with the surrounding environment, and the easier it is to be envied.
But if you are stumped by gossip, it will be more than worth the loss.
Someone else's mouth, their own way.
Many people who have no ability like to belittle others and elevate themselves;
A truly capable person can always see the good in others.
As written in The Soul of Money:
The inner state of scarcity, the scarcity mentality, is the core of people's jealousy, greed, and prejudice, and is the root cause of our disputes with life.
Acknowledging the excellence of others is a difficult thing.
In the process, we must confront our own feelings of powerlessness and frustration.
But it is precisely because we see the existence of the gap that we have the opportunity to become better.
This life is like climbing stairs.
No matter where you go, there are people who look up to you, and there are people who look down on you;
No matter what you do, there are people who recognize you and people who despise you.
How others evaluate you is like a mirror, projecting his pattern, not your level.
As an ordinary person, how can we have the courage to be hated?
- First, the separation of topics
The so-called separation of topics is to distinguish clearly: what is my business and what is someone else's business?
The criterion is very simple, it depends on who bears the direct consequences of the action.
A lot of times, we get stuck in a rut by confusing the relationship between the two.
In fact, we just need to do our own problems, don't torture ourselves for other people's problems, and don't take other people's expectations as our own.
As for what the other party thinks of you, that's his subject, so you don't have to worry about it.
For example, someone in the library is noisy, and you are obviously very irritable, but you dare not stop it, so you sulk in life.
From the perspective of topic separation, it is your subject to expression, and it is his subject whether others accept or reject it. What you have to do is to satisfy your "need for expression".
When we get used to seeing our own needs, we won't be led by others.
- Second, turn bad into good
Because we attach too much importance to the outside world, we are often afraid of being hated.
But Luo Zhenyu put forward a contrary point of view: being hated is a fortune.
Why? The answer can be found by empathy.
Sometimes we don't like a person, it's usually he who does what you can't do, or has what you can't get.
Especially in the same field, the closer the identity, status, appearance, and age, the higher the likelihood of jealousy.
Therefore, when someone hates you, it may not be that you are doing something bad, but that your dazzle sets off his bleakness.
His dislike, on the contrary, helps you identify your own strengths.
You don't have to dwell on him, his hostility will disappear when you get stronger and stronger, and the gap between him grows bigger and bigger.
- Third, live in a closed loop
Psychologically speaking, the real difference between outstanding people and ordinary people lies in the difference in the psychological evaluation mechanism.
Exceptional people have an internal evaluation mechanism that focuses on their own voices and opinions.
Ordinary people like to seek support in other people's evaluations, ignoring real experiences and feelings, and as a result, they are constantly lost and swayed.
Our short life is not about pleasing or pleasing anyone, but about living our own lives.
You might as well live yourself in a closed loop, where everything starts with me and ends with me, so that it will be difficult for the surrounding voices to interfere with you.
You are always true to yourself, and others will naturally respect you.
German psychotherapist Hellinger said:
I allow others to be what they are, I allow them to think and think like this, to judge me like this, to treat me like this.
Because that's what he is, and with him, he's right.
There are two sides to everything. The problem itself is not the problem, but how to look at the problem is.
If someone hates you, you can give up on yourself or you can use it to get self-affirmation.
Life is not a zero-sum game, and when we learn to see the positives, those unhappiness and restraints in relationships will no longer bother you.
Finally, I wish we all have the courage to be hated and stay away from relationships that consume us.
Source: China News Network WeChat public account
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