Rumors
"If a child doesn't fight, he won't learn a long lesson, and he can only remember if he hits?"
There is a lot of debate on the Internet about whether or not you can hit a child, and many friends currently believe that you can beat your child moderately to achieve the purpose of education.
Rumor analysis
This claim is debatable.
It's understandable for parents to occasionally beat their children uncontrollably, but don't expect to beat them up positively.
Today, April 30th, is the legendary "International Day of No Hitting Children", and although the name sounds a little funny, it is a little worrying to think about why it is necessary to set such a date and what to do with the children with more than 300 days left......
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In fact, there are many different opinions on beating the baby, what do you think about the "beating the baby"? I believe that everyone's mainstream views are mainly divided into three types:
1. If you don't go to the house for three days, you will be more obedient if you beat it.
2. Hitting a child is a sin, and children should never be allowed to repeat their childhood trauma.
3. Parents are not saints, and children are not so fragile and can't bear to be beaten, so let children feel "social beatings" in advance.
In fact, the impact behind "beating a child" is far more than that, parents also have a lot of misunderstandings about how to look at beating a child, let's talk about it in detail today.
If you study psychology, you won't beat a baby?
Let me tell you a truth quietly: In fact, even if we study psychology, we can't control beating babies......
As psychologists, we are well aware of the many negative effects of corporal punishment, but as parents, we also deeply experience the difficulty of controlling our urge to beat our babies. In a parent group that gathers practitioners, college teachers and researchers in the field of psychology, there has also been an experience sharing and academic discussion on the topic of "beating a baby", "what tool is the best tool to beat a baby?":
It hurts too much to get started directly, and it is easy to grasp the strength with the help of tools to hit too hard, what to hit, in order to not only play a deterrent effect, but also to ensure that there are no scars on the child's body?
It is gratifying that with the help of reason, the exchange of true expression and professional discussion did not eventually become a "weapon spectrum" or "Huashan on the sword", but slowly transformed into a collective introspective scene and a mutual aid organization of "quitting beating", and several conclusions were drawn around the "beating baby":
Can you "have a long memory" if you beat a child?
Truth: Corporal punishment impairs memory and reduces intelligence, affecting brain development.
Daily getting along can be filial piety to mothers and children, and it is easy to jump when it comes to learning. When it comes to study, homework, and grades, it is always easy to cause "beating" incidents. Even parents who are usually emotionally stable, as long as they help their children with homework and study, they will inevitably have moments of impatience: they can't teach once, but they can still be patient, they can't teach three times, they can still control their temper, and if they can't teach ten times, ten cows can't help parents who want to beat people.
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Maybe the original intention of parents beating the baby is very simple, thinking that the memory of "pain" can bring the hand to write, and the brain is floating The child can be pulled back to reality, and the next time can not miss the topic, not be careless, study hard, and have a long memory. As everyone knows, corporal punishment can damage memory and reduce intelligence, affecting brain development.
In a study published in 2009, researchers at the University of New Hampshire looked at more than 1,500 children and found that:
For children aged 2-4 years:
Children who did not experience corporal punishment had an IQ 5 points higher than their peers who had been physically punished after four years.
For children aged 5-9 years:
Children who did not experience corporal punishment had an IQ 2.8 points higher than their peers who had corporal punishment after four years.
Regardless of the age of the child:
The more corporal punishment is received, the slower the development of mental capacity.
Moreover, when children are often in the fear and anxiety that may be "beaten", the brain will continue to activate the "fight or flight" stress response, always vigilant, difficult to relax, naturally there is no extra cognitive resources to put on learning, you know, a calm and stable state is the most conducive to brain learning.
If you beat a child, you won't do it again?
Truth: Corporal punishment can make the problem even more difficult.
"Slapping" seems to be the most convenient way to quickly end your child's problems. However, ending the problem does not mean solving the problem, but only temporarily covering up or suppressing the surface of the problem, but the problematic behavior is likely to relapse in a short period of time, or even become more intractable or inconsistent.
The study found that corporal punishment had little effect, with 73% of children who received corporal punishment having "relapsed old mistakes" in less than 10 minutes.
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If parents often use corporal punishment as a form of discipline, in the long run, the child may exhibit two very different patterns of response: withdrawal or rebellion.
Either they choose to be obedient because of fear but gradually become inferior and cowardly, or they deliberately disobey because of anger but slowly turn to obedience and rebellion. For example, a child who has been beaten for lying may stop lying, but he is more likely to learn to keep his lies from flaws.
Children caught between withdrawal and rebellion are more likely to be confused and disobedient, hide their behavior in order not to cause frontal conflict, be well-behaved and sensible under the noses of their parents, and act recklessly where their parents don't know, but let themselves fall into deep contradictions and chaos.
If you beat a child, you will become responsible?
Truth: Corporal punishment can mean a write-off and a forget-away.
Parents who choose corporal punishment after their children make mistakes have acquiesced to such a premise in their hearts, that is, if they make mistakes, they must bear the consequences, and being beaten is this consequence, so beating a child can make him more responsible and sensible.
But in fact, the beating is only the torture that parents wantonly impose on their children, but the real consequences are forgotten, and it is impossible to talk about taking responsibility and shouldering it. If your child does not complete his homework on time, he or she should bear the consequences of not being able to explain to the teacher tomorrow and may face the strange eyes of his classmates; if he does not eat well, he will have to suffer from hunger; if he or she hits someone, he should take the initiative to apologize to the other party and try his best to make up for the mistake.
If parents try to use corporal punishment as a "consequence" of the child's beating, the child's attention and emotions will be occupied by anger, unwillingness and pain, and they will no longer pay attention to the feelings of the victim and will no longer think about how to make up for their mistakes. On the contrary, they may have a wrong perception: I hit him, you hit me, now it's okay, it's even!
If you still feel that spanking is an option, try answering these questions:
Ask you, who are already parents: What did the baby do last time because of it?
· Hit someone
· Tantrums
· The results are not satisfactory
· Learn without using your brain
Has the goal been achieved, has the problem been solved, and has the child reoffended?
Ask you again who have grown up:
Were you beaten by your parents when you were a child? Why was you beaten? What lessons did you learn?
Many people can recall the profound experiences of being beaten in childhood, and they also clearly remember what they were beaten, where they were hit, and how frightened and angry they were at that time, but they only forgot why they were beaten or what lessons they should learn. So you see, what's the use of beating a baby?
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Finally, to sum up, I believe that the reason why the vast majority of parents beat the baby is not because they like or convenient, but because they dare not let their children make mistakes and are anxious, anxious and worried, because of the urgency and sense of responsibility to protect their children, and because they want to avoid the risk of repeated mistakes or astray mistakes, and also because they want to guide their children to shoulder their responsibilities, pursue excellence, and become kind. However, in order to achieve such an important and positive expectation, we have to choose the right method, and beating the baby is not one of them.
According to the "rumor" mirror
Sometimes, things that we take for granted and empathize with when we are children are not necessarily reasonable, such as being beaten by our parents......
bibliography
[1]lUniversity of New Hampshire,College students more likely to be lawbreakers if spanked as children, ScienceDaily.
[2]lStraus, Murray A. and Mallie J. Paschall. Corporal Punishment by Mothers and Development of Children's Cognitive Ability: A Longitudinal Study of Two Nationally Representative Age Cohorts. Journal of Aggression Maltreatment & Trauma, 2009; 18 (5): 459 DOI: 10.1080/10926770903035168
[3]https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/nov/05/spanking-children-makes-them-more-aggressive-us-pediatricians-body-says
Source: Science refutes rumors