It is not easy to be original, and plagiarism must be investigated
Text: Xie Wenqing
In the long journey of life, we often desire to be able to influence others, to change their thoughts or behaviors, to make them more compatible with us.
However, there is a saying on the Internet: if you change others, you will become a psychopath, but if you change yourself, you will become a god.
This quote profoundly reveals a truth: trying to change others is often a futile struggle, and true growth and strength come from self-change.
Throughout history, countless wise men have taught us that changing ourselves is the key to success and inner peace.
Confucius said: "I am three times a day, and I am self-conscious." This is not only a reflection on personal morality, but also a call for self-change and growth. Only by constantly examining ourselves, discovering our own shortcomings, and having the courage to change, can we gradually get closer to that better self.
The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates once said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." ”
This quote likewise emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and change. When we are able to be honest about our shortcomings and shortcomings, and strive to change them, we can truly take control of our lives and become masters of our own destiny.
Minglan is very smart, she has long understood this truth, but when the little grandfather's bride Shen came to the door and told her that the little grandfather was depressed, although she tried her best to eliminate the misunderstanding, (in this article, I have a detailed interpretation of "Know" Minglan unravels the knot: the past is over, cherish the present. ）
But she still hopes to change the little grandfather, so she made an appointment with the little grandfather alone, and today I will take everyone to observe the process and results.
First, Minglan took the risk of making a private appointment with the little grandfather
Minglan asked Xiao Tao to make an appointment with the little grandfather, Xiao Tao felt that it was inappropriate, and the reason for Minglan to explain was: he had made all the trouble in front of his mother, and if he continued to be vague, there would be a big deal. In the end, I gave Xiao Tao a reassurance: Don't worry, I am measured. Xiao Tao was extremely reluctant to go to the little grandfather, Xiao Tao's reluctance was to worry about Minglan because at the wedding banquet in Hefu, the wealthy ladies and sons in Bianjing City were all there, and it was difficult not to let others see it and chew their tongues. But Minglan is determined to do it, and she, as Minglan 's maid, cannot disobey orders. I feel that Minglan is a bit risky in this move. Minglan has always been cautious, a little impulsive, inconsiderate, and thoughtful, even if she wants to make the little grandfather die and ignore him, it can be done to be indifferent to him. And there is also a way, that is, let Xiao Tao go to the little grandfather to pass the word, saying that her wife found Minglan and hoped that he would know well, cherish the moment, and what to do for things that have been formed and cannot be changed is to let go and accept reality. There's no need to see each other.
You must know that when she was a girl, she rarely made an appointment to meet the little grandfather alone, for fear that someone would gossip. Now, they are all married, and Gu Tingye still knows the emotional journey between her and the little grandfather, once they misunderstand, it will be something that cannot be washed away by jumping into the Yellow River. Therefore, no matter what the reason is, I feel that Minglan is not considering this step.
Second, change the little grandfather
Step 1: Segregate by generation.
Minglan made a private appointment to meet the little grandfather, the little grandfather was as happy as a child, and when she saw Minglan called her sixth sister, Minglan called the little grandfather her little grandfather, which was still her childhood name.
The little grandfather felt that the two of them met in private, and it was a little rusty to call the little grandfather, so he asked Minglan to call him his alias Yuan Ruo.
Minglan said very systematically: I asked you to come over to talk today at the risk of ruining your reputation, and I didn't come to talk to you.
It looked like he was doing business, but the little grandfather didn't realize it at all, and he was still immersed in the excitement and joy of Minglan meeting in private.
He said casually: As long as the sixth sister asks me to come over, anything will do.
Why did the little grandfather show such sincerity after Minglan made it clear that he didn't call him to the past? Can't he see the situation and hear the alienation in Minglan 's words?
If it were an ordinary person, after hearing that Minglan was clearly not reminiscing, he would be stunned for a moment, and then wonder why.
But the little grandfather is not, he is very innocent, very scheming, and very straightforward to say his truest feelings.
The little grandfather really loves Minglan with all his heart, the kind of love that remains in his teenage years, during the hormonal throbbing period, and of course the guilt for Minglan .
When Minglan said that the Gu family and the Qi family are related, and you should call me aunt in terms of seniority, the little grandfather realized that something was wrong.
He thought that Minglan was looking for him to catch up on the past, to miss the disaster, and to tell the pain of lovesickness. didn't admit it, Minglan came to let him personally experience isolation, rupture and indifference.
Minglan used seniority to isolate the relationship between the little grandfather and her. The little grandfather only realized Minglan at this time that she was "so ruthless", and when she still had admiration for Minglan , Minglan had already classified him as an outsider.
Most of the time in this world, men make decisions first, and women are still immersed in the emotional world of the past and can't extricate themselves.
At that time, Hu Lancheng got together with a little nurse surnamed Zhou in Nanjing, and wrote a letter to inform him of the details of their relationship with his wife Zhang Ailing, Zhang Ailing was heartbroken, but in the process of Hu Lancheng's escape, Zhang Ailing still risked death to see him.
Because I don't give up, because I don't want to give up, because I can't give up.
On that time, Zhang Ailing stayed in a small hotel and washed her feet with a washbasin, which was written out by Hu Lancheng for humiliation.
Zhang Ailing also gave her 300,000 manuscript fees to the man to help him escape to Japan.
Zhang Ailing is rational, but she still can't be as rational as Minglan for her feelings.
Sometimes I feel that there should be no person like Minglan in my life, and people like Minglan should exist in novels and in women's imaginations.
In other words, Minglan looks soft on the outside, but it's really not, she speaks, she looks like a little white rabbit, she looks like a bully, in fact, she is the kind of person who can be more ruthless than a man.
Step 2: Use the birth mother as an example to guide the little grandfather.
Minglan: Everyone says that I am living a good life now, and I fell into a honey pot, and some people say that I am a concubine, and I can take it to my grandmother to raise my children, and it is my aunt who burns high incense.
But I am willing to give up all these days of fine clothes and food, what knighthood and car, and the mansion, I am willing to exchange all this for my aunt's name.
As long as she can survive, I am willing to live in the cramped house of the Sheng family for the rest of my life, it doesn't matter if I don't eat well, I don't dress well, I don't have charcoal, as long as she can survive, as long as I can pilllow on her knees, I am willing to do anything.
After hearing this, the little grandfather said empathetically: I know, I understand.
Minglan said affirmatively: You don't understand, my mother will never come back, my aunt can't come back, she can't survive, no matter what I do, she can't come back.
Why did Minglan say such things to the little grandfather, and why did the little grandfather deny the little grandfather when he sympathized with her?
This passage does not fit the context of "I'm not here to reminisce" in the first sentence, and the context does not conform to the logic of the dialogue.
Somewhat abrupt.
But after understanding Minglan Minglan's intention to find the little grandfather, you will understand that Minglan is comparing her little mother to "the relationship between her and the little grandfather that can't be returned".
Minglan "She can't live, no matter what I do, she can't come back" is not only to emphasize her pain and helplessness, but also to express her helplessness and acceptance of reality.
She may have fantasized about changing some things through her own efforts, but now she understands that some things cannot be changed and she must learn to face and accept them.
Therefore, when the little grandfather said that he understood, Minglan denied him.
Because the little grandfather didn't understand that "the relationship between them", no matter how hard they worked, no matter how painful, they would never be able to go back.
What the little grandfather should do is to face the facts like Minglan accepts that her aunt will never live.
Third, the effect received.
Although what Minglan said was a little vague, for the little grandfather who participated in the imperial examination and won the list, he should be able to understand it in seconds.
However, the little grandfather still cried bitterly in front of Minglan and told him about his lovesickness for Minglan and the regret and pain of not having a firm attitude back then.
"I regret it every day, I took three or five errands for myself to do, and I didn't dare to stop, because as soon as I stopped, I would think why?"
"Does he miss you all night like I do?"
In the end, he also used his true feelings to compare Gu Tingye, trying to destroy their relationship between husband and wife.
"Have you really loved him Gu Hou Ye in your heart? Have you ever missed him like this? When you think of him, you cry bitterly, think of him like this, you don't, you don't. ”
also expressed his deep affection for Minglan again.
"I, of course I do everything to make you good. ”
Is there a chicken-and-duck talk?
I feel that it took so much thought and tongue, and the final effect is that there is no effect.
In the end, Minglan left angrily, leaving the little grandfather to wither in the wind alone, he definitely couldn't imagine why Minglan was so resolute and why he couldn't be moved.
Fourth, why is it so difficult for people to change others?
First of all, once a person's thinking patterns are formed, they are deeply rooted in a person's cognitive structure, affecting the way they look at problems and deal with things.
This inherent thinking pattern often leads people to habitually adopt specific ways of thinking and acting when faced with different situations, making it difficult for people to accept new ideas or change their behavior.
No matter what Minglan says, the little grandfather will still return to his own thinking, this is because his cognition of "the relationship between them" has been deeply rooted.
It's almost impossible to change by listening to a few words.
Secondly, mindset path dependence is also an important factor that makes it difficult for people to change others.
When a person becomes accustomed to a certain way of thinking or behaving, they become dependent on that pattern, and even if the pattern is no longer applicable in certain situations, it is difficult for them to change.
Not only can this dependency make it difficult for people to accept new ideas or change their behavior, but it can also cause them to fall into a fixed mindset when faced with a problem, unable to respond flexibly.
The little grandfather liked Minglan when he went to school with Minglan and he was always thinking about how to marry Minglan and go home and stay together for the rest of his life.
This kind of thinking has developed path dependence.
As long as he gives some sparks, he will immediately return to this path, so as soon as he talks about Gu Tingye, he will immediately compare his deep affection for Minglan with it.
attempted to replace Gu Tingye.
Therefore, once we want to change others, we first need to be aware of the impact of these factors and try to take effective ways to break these limitations.
For example, we can find out why they find it difficult to accept new ideas or change their behavior by understanding the other person's thinking patterns and path dependence, and then propose targeted solutions to help them gradually change their inherent way of thinking and behavior.
At the same time, we also need to be patient and understanding, because change is a process that takes time and effort.
I am a creator in the emotional field, I like to study marriage and love, gender relations, hate moral preaching, like to dig into the root of things to solve and analyze problems, if you like it, welcome to follow me.