Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
Some people look forward to laughing and laughing with their grandchildren and enjoying the warmth and happiness of the family;
Others want to walk through the twilight of life hand in hand with their partner and rely on each other;
There are also people who like to live alone, enjoy freedom, and firmly believe that "I am in charge of my life".
But there is often a huge difference between the ideal and the reality, and most of the time people cannot achieve the ideal lifestyle.
Take the 84-year-old Grandma Li as an example, although she has always maintained good health, although her partner passed away at an early age, Grandma Li has always maintained an optimistic attitude, lived independently, and also helped her children take care of their grandchildren.
At the age of 80, Grandma Li began to truly appreciate the joy of being a grandmother.
However, unexpectedly, in the winter of the year when she was 83 years old, she unfortunately fell and fractured her left leg and had to be hospitalized for treatment.
Although she can still walk after recovering from her injury, her body is far from what she used to be, and she needs to be taken care of in her daily life, and her daily food needs to be delivered.
At first, Grandma Li's children did their best to take care of her.
However, over time, they also need to take care of their small family. After a deliberate discussion, they finally decided to send Grandma Li to live in a nursing home.
At the nursing home, Grandma Li soon celebrated her 84th birthday.
However, just over a month later, her daughter received the news of Grandma Li's death.
Hearing the news that their mother often cried bitterly because she missed her family in the nursing home, the children felt extremely remorse and heartache.
Many people once thought that nursing homes could bring the elderly a happy old age, but the reality is not so.
A blogger in Shanghai documented the actual situation of nursing homes, arguing that sending the elderly to a nursing home may actually accelerate their aging.
A 94-year-old woman who had to stay in a nursing home due to the demolition of her home looked extremely thin and pale in front of the camera.
She lay in bed and waited for the nurse to help feed her. Before eating, she tried to put on her dentures, but they were always inaccurate, and the nurse didn't seem to notice this until someone reminded her to do so.
Although the old man eventually began to eat, the nurse did not wait for her to swallow the next bite and hurriedly stuffed the next bite, as if to force her to finish the meal quickly.
Incredibly, just a few years ago, this old man was able to live independently and with a ruddy complexion.
It is understood that when she was admitted to a nursing home by her grandson, she had no idea about it.
In fact, if most elderly Chinese had a choice, they would never choose a nursing home as their habitat in their later years.
First, private nursing homes are primarily for profit, not to provide benefits.
The fees for these homes are usually expensive, with the blogger's nursing homes costing between 5,000 and 6,000 yuan per month, which is not too expensive in Shanghai.
However, the services provided to the elderly did not meet their expectations.
In nursing homes, the treatment of the elderly also varies depending on whether they have the support of their children. Older people who have children to support tend to receive better quality care.
In contrast, lonely older people who have no children to support them tend to have a lower quality of life in nursing homes. This phenomenon reflects the apathy of society in some aspects.
In addition, the physical condition of elderly people who are admitted to nursing homes tends to deteriorate rapidly.
Despite their age, some elderly people are still able to take care of themselves.
Before they were admitted to a nursing home, they could move freely, cook their own meals, take care of flowers and plants, and maintain a certain quality of life.
But the lifestyle prescribed by nursing homes has made many elderly people reluctant to move and spend most of their time in bed, and their physical functions gradually decline over time.
Especially those who are unable to take care of themselves, from a psychological point of view, they have lost almost all their dignity.
When older people lose their ability to take care of themselves, their lives are completely controlled by others.
For example, the 94-year-old woman could not control even the basic food on her own, so she had to rely on the nurse to arrange the meal.
In Japan, we take this issue very seriously, and we have long advocated the concept of "self-reliance support".
This philosophy encourages older people to do what they can on their own as much as possible, and when faced with difficulties and challenges, caregivers step in to provide the necessary support and assistance.
For most people, "making a difference" means "being happy," and the same applies to older people.
They are still independent people with free will, and they need a sense of belonging, respect, and the opportunity to realize their self-worth, just like young people.
However, many nursing home caregivers have problems with their attitudes.
On the one hand, the nursing work is heavy, and it is difficult to take meticulous care of each elderly person;
On the other hand, some caregivers do lack the empathy they deserve, which is a common problem that many nursing homes are currently facing.
In this case, the old people seem to be "trapped" in a nursing home.
From the perspective of social psychology, this feeling of being "trapped" stems from the marginalization and isolation of society.
While most nursing homes provide basic living support, there is a significant compromise in terms of spiritual care and social interaction.
As the number of nursing homes continues to increase, so do the elderly who choose to live in nursing homes.
At the same time, elder abuse by caregivers is on the rise, and accidents in nursing homes are becoming more frequent.
In 2011, for example, there was a case of elder abuse in a nursing home in Zhengzhou that shook the country.
A nurse named Zheng Huanming was exposed to long-term abuse of the elderly, for example, he would force the elderly to get up at 4 a.m., and the elderly who did not get up would be abused and even beaten by him.
In the face of the old man's painful moans, he would also perform face and spanking behaviors, and even worse, he would sometimes sneak into the old man's room in the early hours of the morning and force them to drink urine.
Since the old man was tied to the bed and unable to resist, Zheng Huanming's behavior became more unscrupulous, and he said while pouring urine: "You just drink more".
After these evil deeds were exposed, after a police investigation, it was found that Zheng Huanming was already short-tempered in his daily life, and he also had problems with his mental state.
This makes people feel that life becomes especially difficult in old age, especially for those who lack the company of their children.
Traditionally, children should be filial to their parents, not only by providing financial support, but also by providing emotional companionship.
With the development of society, the new generation is facing increasing pressure on life, and many people are unable to take full care of their parents due to the busy pace of life, so they choose to place them in nursing homes.
However, the reality is that many nursing homes have not yet provided the ideal level of service, although they can meet the basic survival needs of the elderly, it is difficult to provide a comfortable living environment, which is the cruel reality of the existence of nursing homes.
Faced with such a reality,
The key is to maintain physical and mental health.
As the saying goes, if there is no filial son in front of the bed for a long time, if you have been dependent on your children to take care of you, the family relationship may be strained.
Therefore, it is particularly important for the elderly to maintain physical and mental health, whether they choose to care for the elderly at home or live in a nursing home, they should pay attention to physical exercise and physical health, so as not to fall into a passive situation of relying on others.
Walkerson Cheiana once noted:
By the age of fifty, you may be bored with the world, and by the age of sixty, it seems that the world is starting to lose patience with you.
The sign of true aging is not aging, but when deep down the person no longer resists the process and accepts the fact of aging.
In addition, financial independence is also very important, and the elderly should not be completely dependent on their children, nor should they leave all their savings to their children to manage.
With sufficient financial reserves, older people can be more independent, do not have to think too much about their children's opinions, and are able to make their own lifestyle decisions.
Without financial autonomy, the elderly can only passively accept the various arrangements made for them by their children.
-The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords in this article: pension, elderly
The picture comes from the Internet, please contact for infringement
WeChat public account: First Psychology