Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
If you were criticized at this point, how would you feel and behave?
In the middle of the night not long ago, a good friend of mine sent a message saying, "I'm sorry, I can't hold it back, I'm looking for you at this point." I've been depressed for almost a month, and I'm afraid I'll go crazy if I don't talk about it anymore. ”
It turned out that she encountered a very tricky thing in the unit: because of her outstanding work ability, her boss promised a promotion and a salary increase last month.
When he was happy, he killed a Cheng bite gold halfway. At the appointment voting meeting, another colleague with a comparable position took the initiative to propose:
She can also be qualified for this position, and the market is not good now, so if she is elected, as long as she is promoted, she will not need a salary increase, and she can still do a good job.
For a while, the boss was shaken, and the business ability of these two people was indeed equal.
As a result, my friend's promotion was put on hold for the time being, but the problem was that in the following month, her boss, who was optimistic about her, began to frequently criticize her for her poor work performance, or that there were repeated problems with a certain project.
She admits that this incident did affect her mood a little, but she is still as responsible as ever in terms of work and business.
As for that competitor, she often criticizes her for being too utilitarian with a quasi-leader posture, don't lose her temper because she doesn't get a promotion or a salary increase, and she is not responsible.
And my friend knew what was going on, but he felt unbearable suffocation and pain in the midst of these criticisms.
So when you are criticized, will you be so immersed in it, or can you quickly filter it and recover your state?
What can be done to keep the voice of criticism from hurting continuously? Try the following three points.
01. Identification
You must know that criticism is also good and bad, they all say that "advice is contrary to the ear", and advice is criticism that is conducive to our progress, not so much criticism as pertinent advice, but the words are not so good.
Because the characteristic of advice is that while criticizing, they will give reasonable advice or direction.
Bad criticism, on the other hand, refers to voices with personal goals and self-interest, which are only made to attack you and control you.
It is not conducive to personal growth and progress, but can lead to self-doubt and self-denial.
A simple way to distinguish the nature of criticism is to identify the personality traits of those critics.
There is a narcissistic personality in psychology, which is typically characterized by a lack of empathy, exaggeration, lack of empathy, criticism and suppression, blaming others, and aggression.
When you see a certain quality or quality in a critic, you can basically judge the nature of the criticism.
Just like my friend, the criticism of competitors is obviously made out of nothing, and it is criticism with a repressive and offensive nature.
These critical voices hurt her self-esteem and made her feel threatened and attacked, and from this competitor we see many traits of the narcissistic personality that are easy to identify.
There is also a category of criticism that is intended to belittle you in order to achieve control. For example, one of the characteristics of PUA, a word that was once very popular, is to use criticism to belittle a person's personality and psychological demeaning hints to manipulate a person.
So, when you can't tell the nature of criticism, you can tell by identifying the person who is criticizing.
02. Stability
In the face of criticism, it is undeniable that anyone can feel uncomfortable. If, still, there was a moment that was very harsh.
Some will even linger in a person's heart for a long time, producing negative emotions. These negative emotions accumulate for a long time, and they become trauma and internal garbage.
The reason why my friend came to me in the middle of the night was because I understood her distress. With her character, she is not patient to the limit, and she will not easily come to me at that point in time.
It was supposed to be a good thing for promotion, but in the end, not only did it not materialize, but it became the target and victim of the public, and no one would come out immediately.
But in the face of criticism, you must have a stable core and confidence, so that you can filter out these bad voices as soon as possible, so that your emotions and thoughts are not disturbed.
There is a psychological defense mechanism in psychology called diversion, which refers to diverting a person's attention.
When people receive negative criticism, they should play the role of stabilizing the kernel. Allow yourself negative feelings of frustration and then quickly take your attention off these things.
You can choose to go shopping, talk to friends, etc., and let yourself out, instead of being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be in a hurtful situation all the time.
Because when you are immersed in the negative emotions brought about by certain criticisms, on the one hand, your ability to think will be weakened, and on the other hand, it will not be conducive to your physical and mental health.
03. Attribution
There is a concept in social psychology called attribution, which refers to the process of inference about the reasons for the behavior of others or oneself, that is, the causal explanation and inference made by the observer about the behavior of others or one's own behavioral process.
In the face of criticism, we will also take credit.
For example, my friend, who also made attributions when she faced criticism from her boss and colleagues.
The boss's criticism was attributed to two things,,。 Whereas.
But we see problems with her attribution, and there is basically no problem with the attribution of the critics.
But her attribution subject had a problem------ giving the initiative to someone else.
What she has been reviewing is the attitude of her boss and co-workers, rather than dealing with her own internal attributions and emotions. This has led to her being unable to get out of negative emotions all the time.
Therefore, in daily life, when facing criticism, we must learn to attribute correctly and find the right subject of attribution. It is necessary to objectively analyze the reasons behind the criticism and the objective situation and attitude of the subject of criticism.
Then you have to face your own internal situation, what your attitude is towards the criticized event itself, what your own responsibilities are, and don't criticize yourself or others with any color.
The correct attribution is to make yourself more rational and objective, without limits, so that you can deal with the rest of the matter and get yourself out of negative emotions as soon as possible.
Human beings in this world are a process of continuous self-improvement, especially when they are criticized, and your attitude towards dealing with and coping is a microcosm of your attitude towards the whole interpersonal relationship and the world.
Let yourself have a strong and stable core, have the ability to distinguish between right and wrong, and have the correct attribution thinking, so that you can live more comfortably.
Today's Interaction:
What do you do when you are criticized by your leaders and colleagues?
Come and share it in the comment area~
-The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords in this article: psychology, criticism
The picture comes from the Internet, please contact for infringement
WeChat public account: First Psychology