My name is Zhang Fugui and I am 68 years old. Since I retired, I have been living in my hometown county. There are only two people in the family, my wife and me, and we live a leisurely life. But what I hope most is that the whole family can get together during the Chinese New Year every year, which is called lively.
We are a family of four. The eldest daughter, Xiaofang, is 38 years old and works for a company in the city. Her husband's name is Wang Qiang, and he is an honest man. They have a son named Xiao Ming, who is 8 years old this year and is in the second grade of primary school. Xiaofang also has a younger sister, Xiaohong, 35, who works in a factory in another city. Her husband's name is Li Yong, and he is also an honest person, and they have a daughter named Xiaohua, who is 6 years old this year and attends a small class.
Although we don't usually see each other, our whole family will go back to our hometown for reunion every Chinese New Year. On the evening of the Chinese New Year's Eve, our family sat together for a reunion dinner, which was very lively. After eating, I was happiest to give red envelopes to my two grandchildren.
Early in the morning on the twenty-ninth day of the Lunar New Year, I got up and began to prepare for the New Year. First of all, I cleaned the house inside and out, and cleaned the old things on the balcony. Then I began to peel walnuts, melon seeds and other dried fruits, ready to entertain guests at the Chinese New Year's Eve dinner.
"Wife, we have to prepare well for the Chinese New Year this year, and the whole family will come back!" I said to my wife while peeling walnuts.
"Yes, I've bought all the New Year's goods, and I'll start cooking Chinese New Year's Eve tomorrow." Do you think how much money will be prepared for Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua this year?" My wife came back to her senses and asked me.
"Our family has had this tradition for generations, and we have to give more money to our grandchildren than our grandchildren. Xiao Ming is my own grandson, so give him 2,000 yuan. Although Xiaohua is also very cute, she is only my grandson, so let's give 800 yuan. I said it categorically.
In our place, it can be said that it is a family tradition to give grandchildren New Year's money. And everyone has a psychological formula, that is, the New Year's money for their own grandchildren is more than for their grandchildren. The reason is very simple, because only the grandson can truly continue the incense, and the grandson is the flesh and blood of someone else's family after all.
"It's not what I said, it's a rule handed down from our ancestors. You are all my heart, and I certainly want you all to have a good life. However, Xiao Ming, as my own grandson, is naturally more concerned. I explained.
Xiao Ming nodded, as if he didn't quite understand. I know that these old rules are a bit unreasonable, but after all, this is a tradition that we have been doing for generations, and I don't want to break it easily.
For my generation, there is still a big difference between grandchildren and grandchildren. Grandchildren are not only the hope of our old age, but also the hope of continuing the family tree. And the grandson is someone else's child after all, and his kinship is not so close to himself after all.
But it seems difficult for young people nowadays to understand this. They are more egalitarian and believe that they should not be treated differently because they are grandchildren or grandchildren. I was actually a little shaken, but the traditional concept was deeply ingrained, and I decided to follow the old rules.
"Grandpa said two days ago that he would give me 2,000 yuan, and I want to save up and save money to buy a game console!" Xiao Ming said to himself while getting dressed.
Xiao Ming is a fun-loving child, and his biggest hobby is playing games. His friends all have their own game consoles, only he doesn't have them, so he has always been envious. If he can really get 2,000 yuan of New Year's money, he will be able to buy the game console he has been dreaming of for a long time.
"Xiao Ming, hurry up and come out for breakfast!" Mom called him outside.
"Right now!" Xiao Ming responded, and his mood was extremely excited. He can't wait to see how much money he has for this year.
Unlike Xiao Ming, Xiaohua doesn't care too much about the New Year's money. As a six-year-old girl, she prefers toys and snacks.
"Mom, why does Grandpa give Xiao Ming so much more money than me? Aren't we the same grandchildren?" Xiaohua was obviously a little puzzled by her grandfather's approach.
"This is an old tradition in our family, and we give more money to our grandchildren than our grandchildren. You're a grandson, so it's not that much. Mom explained.
"But why? Aren't we all grandpa's grandchildren? And I'm much better behaved than Xiao Ming!" Xiaohua retorted a little angrily.
Mom was speechless and had to divert the topic. Xiaohua is spoiled and doesn't understand the rules of these older generations at all. However, my mother also felt that such an approach was indeed unreasonable.
"Mom, how much money are you going to give Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua this year?" Xiaofang asked my wife while helping to prepare the Chinese New Year's Eve dinner.
"Your father said that according to the old rules, give Xiao Ming 2,000 yuan and Xiao Hua 800 yuan. My wife replied truthfully.
"What? Is there any difference? they're all your own grandchildren!" Xiao Fang was obviously not satisfied with our approach.
"This is not a rule we set, but it has been passed down from our ancestors. Xiao Ming is our own grandson, so we should give him more. I quickly explained.
"What's the difference? It's a new era now, why do you still pay attention to these stereotypes? You are eccentric, it's too unfair to Xiaohua!" Xiao Fang's tone began to burn.
"It's not partiality, it's the rule! You young people don't understand at all how important the continuation of incense is to our older generation!" I was annoyed by Xiao Fang's words, and I began to refute it loudly.
"It's these old ignorant ideas that are causing inequality everywhere in society! You are condoning sexism!" The more Xiaofang reasoned, the more angry she became.
We had a big fight, and neither side was convinced. At this time, Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua were woken up, and we had to give up for the time being. But I secretly decided in my heart that this year I would follow the old rules anyway.
In the evening, the whole family finally got together and began to have a reunion dinner. At the dinner table, Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua are looking forward to getting the New Year's money as soon as possible. And the contradiction between Xiaofang and me gradually surfaced.
"Dad, you shouldn't treat Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua differently like this, it's too unfair!" Xiao Fang couldn't help but start talking about it again.
"You are all my grandchildren, and I treat them equally. However, Xiao Ming, as my own grandson, naturally needs more care, which is the tradition of our ancestors. I said it categorically.
"What kind of tradition is not traditional? Hasn't the society eliminated these feudal bad habits a long time ago? You always have this kind of thinking, and it will affect our next generation!" Xiao Fang's tone was very heavy.
"You are young, how can you understand this? The incense population is the top priority for us seniors, and our grandson will not be able to continue the incense after all!" I was annoyed by Xiao Fang's words.
"You are so stubborn that you will mislead the younger generation to have sexism! I really can't stand it!" Xiao Fang said angrily.
The two of us are arguing with each other. Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua were frightened by our quarrel and both cried next to them.
"Dad, how can you do this? You're scaring the kids!" My wife hurriedly stepped forward to comfort Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua.
"It's because you're obsessed that I'm so angry! Why don't you young people understand?" I still said angrily.
"Do you understand it? Haven't we already broken these old ideas? Why are you still so stubborn?" Xiao Fang did not show weakness.
"Where am I stubborn? This is our tradition, you can't understand it!" I retorted loudly.
"That's the wrong tradition! Your kind of thinking is out of place!" Xiao Fang's tone also improved.
Our quarrels grew louder and louder, turning the originally lively Chinese New Year's Eve dinner into a miasma. Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua were frightened and cried non-stop. My wife and Hong's husband were both arguing, but we didn't listen.
In the end, Xiao Fang was really angry, and pulled Xiao Ming to leave. Seeing this, Xiaohong also left with Xiaohua. Our family quarreled like this on Chinese New Year's Eve, so lively.
Watching my daughters leave with their grandchildren in a huff was a source of great frustration. It was supposed to be a festive event, but it turned out to be a miasma because of the contradictions between us, which is really sad.
"Look at it, it's all because you're too stubborn and make the kids angry!" My wife began to count me down, too.
"But what did I do wrong? I just did things according to the rules of my ancestors, why don't you understand?" I couldn't argue.
"Times are different, and our old concepts have to keep pace with the times! My wife is reasonable.
I was silent, my heart mixed with mixed feelings. Of course, I didn't want the whole family to quarrel, but those ancestral teachings were indeed ingrained in my mind. It is a matter of course for me to give more to my grandchildren.
But Xiao Fang's rebuttal also made me a little shaken. She is right, we should no longer pay attention to those stereotypes, which will only exacerbate family conflicts and affect the growth of younger generations.
I was immersed in self-reflection, and my wife continued to preach: "You see, just for this little thing, the whole family has been thrown up, and the lively Chinese New Year's Eve dinner has also been messed up." What could be more important than family harmony for people of our age?"
"You're right, I'm too stubborn to think twice. I said helplessly.
"Then what are you going to do? Do you want to apologize to your daughters and resolve the conflict?" My wife suggested.
I nodded, and decided to correct my approach and use practical actions to repair family relationships. After all, the feelings of family members are the most valuable, and any old ideas should not be used to hurt loved ones.
"Xiaofang, I'm here to apologize to you. I said sincerely.
"Dad, you can count your mistakes and fix them. I'm going to say that heavily, but also to get you to correct your stereotypes. Xiao Fang's tone softened.
"Yes, I'm old and resting on my laurels, or your generation has advanced ideas. I reflected on it for a night and felt that the practices handed down by our ancestors were indeed contrary to fairness and justice. "I'll be honest.
"That's good, at least you're self-aware. However, you can change this mindset in the future so that it doesn't interfere with your children's development. Xiao Fang admonished.
"I will. In the future, whether it is Xiao Ming or Xiao Hua, I will treat everyone equally, and I will never be partial again. I promise.
Xiao Fang nodded, and our conflict was resolved. I reflected on the fact that I was so stubborn because I had been nurtured by too many older generations and had become ingrained in those stereotypes. But with the advent of a new era, we should really break the old box and establish a new family concept.
Then I went to visit Xiaohong's family and apologized to them. Xiaohong and my son-in-law also forgave me and expressed their understanding that I had done it with good intentions. However, they also agreed that family harmony is paramount, and that no stereotypes should be used to hurt family affection.
"Grandpa, you won't treat me and Xiao Ming differently in the future, right?" Xiaohua asked me a little uneasily.
"Of course not, you are all my favorite grandchildren. From now on, regardless of your relatives, I will treat you equally!" I say it in the most sincere tone.
"That's good, I like grandpa the most!" Xiaohua hugged me happily.
Looking at Xiaohua's innocent smiling face, my heart warmed. Yes, the relationship between family members is the most valuable asset, and any old ideas should not become a stumbling block to family affection. I have secretly made up my mind that in the future, I must correct my outdated and bad habits and rebuild family relations with the family concept of the new era.
Only when our families live in harmony will we be happy and healthy in our old age. Family harmony is the greatest happiness in life. With this premise, anything else is a trivial matter. I will never let those old ideas blind me and hurt my family's feelings again.
On the first day of the Lunar New Year, I specially called the whole family to my house. Although there are some of them, I am determined to completely resolve the contradictions of the past few days.
"Kids, Grandpa is here to apologize to you. My complacent thinking was indeed wrong and offended your feelings. I said solemnly.
"It's okay grandpa, it's good that you've corrected it. We should all understand each other and make progress together. Xiao Fang said with relief.
"Yes, we are all a family, contradictions are inevitable, the key is to resolve them. Xiaohong also expressed understanding.
"That would be great. From now on, I will treat the two of you equally, and I will never be separated again. You are all in my heart, and I love you with all my heart. I said sincerely.
"Grandpa, will you give me as much as Xiao Ming's New Year's money this year?" Xiaohua asked a naïve question.
"Of course, you are all the same, how can I treat them differently? And it doesn't matter how much money you have, what matters is our relationship. I said with a smile.
"Great, thank you grandpa!" Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua jumped up with joy.