In the desert, there is a kind of tree that does not grow leaves, but only branches and trunks, like dead wood, so the locals call it "Singles Tree".
In order to adapt to the harsh natural environment, retain water and resist drought, the original leafy single tree must reduce water evaporation, so its leaves gradually degrade and disappear;
In order to continue to survive without leaves, a single tree must replace the leaves with trunks and branches for photosynthesis, and green is an important condition for photosynthesis, so the trunk and branches naturally become green.
In this way, the singles tree survived tenaciously in the desert.
This is true for plants, and it is also true for people.
Once upon a time, we thought that the more we gained, the happier we would be in life.
After going through a lot, I slowly realized that the more you pursue, the heavier the burden, and the more you get, the more you have no peace.
As Thoreau wrote in Walden: The more a person lets go, the richer he becomes.
Only by focusing on the heart and degrading the unnecessary "leaves" is the most worthwhile life after middle age.
Expect a downgrade
There is a question on Zhihu: "What is the source of a person's suffering?"
One of the high praisers replied, "Expect too much from everything." ”
We always expect too much from everything, but the higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment.
In the recent hit drama "Fireworks", Li Yijin, who is almost 30 years old, has a suffocating mother.
The disappointment of her marriage made her shift all her attention and hope to her daughter Li Yijin, but she became a sick mother due to her excessive desire to control.
In order to let her daughter go back to her hometown to become a teacher, the mother will call her leader behind her daughter's back to resign;
Li Yijin was on a business trip for work, and her mother mistakenly thought that her daughter was going abroad, so she went to her place of work and made a big noise;
In order to get rid of her mother's pervasive urging to marry, her daughter could only find a friend to pretend to be her boyfriend.
Source: Visual China
In fact, there are many people in real life who, like Li Yijin's mother, often inject all their hopes into a person or a thing, and once the result does not achieve the expected effect, it is difficult to accept, hurting others and hurting themselves.
All the disappointments come from expectations that should not have been.
Instead of expecting too much to magnify each other's shortcomings, ignore each other's strengths, and hurt each other's feelings, it is better to maintain a relaxed mind and reap unexpected surprises.
Writer Liu Na once shared her story.
She used to have many expectations for her husband and son:
I hope that my husband will have a successful career, be considerate and take care of his family, and I hope that my son will have excellent grades, be sensible and diligent.
Unfortunately, overly high expectations are often disappointed, and most end up in disappointment.
As she entered middle age, she realized that no one could live perfectly as she expected, so she began to lower her expectations.
What surprised her was that after accepting the imperfections of the people around her and living with a calm attitude, the family atmosphere was getting better and better, and everyone's happiness was improved.
Writer Liao Yimei once said:
"The less people need others, the more comfortable and peaceful they will be. No one, even if he wanted to, could not fully satisfy the needs of another person. ”
There is nothing wrong with having expectations, but if you are too persistent in expectations, you will have a sense of loss that will not be satisfied.
If you have too high expectations, you will easily become resentful, which will not only affect your feelings, but also your life will not be peaceful.
In One Hundred Years of Solitude, Márquez wrote: "The essence of life is to live alone and not expect too much from others. ”
In the second half of life, only by lowering expectations can you truly live this life in the rhythm of your own life.
Consumption downgrade
In the documentary "Wait a Minute, Internet", the stories of several protagonists in it are deeply touching.
Xiao He, a 24-year-old boy, graduated from 985 University with excellent grades since he was a child.
Born in the countryside, his most luxurious enjoyment was just eating KFC.
However, after seeing the rich material life in the big city, he lost himself step by step.
He started buying the latest mobile phones, traveled to Internet celebrity places, and even took out a loan to buy the car of his dreams......
This kind of life makes him feel more face-saving.
But all enjoyment comes at a price.
In the end, because of his insolvent high allocation life, he owed more than 200,000 yuan in debt.
In order to pay off his debts, his life was extremely difficult.
Later, when he looked back on his life again, he said with remorse:
"For the next few years, my life will not be my own. ”
The writer Zweig said: "All the gifts of fate have long been secretly marked with a price. ”
It's a pity that Xiao He didn't realize that consumption that exceeded his actual affordability was like a colorful bubble, and there would be a day when it would break.
Source: Visual China
In the book "Breaking Away", there is a story that is memorable.
A couple loves to shop, and their home is full of clothes, daily necessities, and household appliances.
The spacious house suddenly became crowded due to the accumulation of these things, and they had to spend a lot of time tidying up their rooms every day.
However, this is not only a waste of energy, living in a small space, they are also very depressing.
So, they made up their minds to change, get rid of unnecessary items, and stop shopping blindly.
Finally, when their home became spacious and bright, the mood of the two people also improved.
Life is like that, unnecessary objects only drag yourself down.
After giving up, life can dance lightly.
There is a sentence in "Getaway": "The wren's nest forest is only one branch, and the wren's nest is only a full stomach." ”
It means that the bird is on a tree and occupies only a branch, and the mole drinks from the river and its stomach is full.
The essence of life is to return to simplicity, to be unencumbered, to retain the original innocence and see all things in the world.
People with simple material things live more easily, and people who live simple lives go further.
Emotional de-escalation
Do you have people around you who like to complain:
Complaining about the unfairness of fate, complaining about meeting unladylike people, complaining about unsatisfactory life......
In my impression, Aunt Zhang, the neighbor, is always very angry.
When I went home many times, I saw her pulling my mother to complain:
"I'm annoyed, why doesn't my husband know how to understand me at all? I think so many excellent people pursued me at the beginning, but I didn't agree, it's a big loss to marry him. ”
If she saw a friend who bought new clothes and jewelry, she began to complain again:
"If I had married a good man, I would have wanted anything now. ”
It's not enough to complain about others, and when she gets home, she still loses her temper at her husband and children at every turn:
"As far as your two virtues are concerned, without me, I don't know how you live!"
Later, I left home to go to work, and I heard from my mother that Aunt Zhang's husband couldn't stand her temper and divorced her with the child.
Now only Aunt Zhang lives alone, but what remains unchanged is that she cries when she meets people, and the neighbors avoid her.
In reality, there are many people like Aunt Zhang, who blindly find reasons from the outside world, can only see the shortcomings of others, and do not consider their own situation, not only can not solve the problem, but are more likely to exacerbate the conflict.
This reminds me of the "Raven's Law".
In the forest, the crow is about to move, and specially says goodbye to his friend White Dove, who asks why the crow is moving?
The crow said, "The little animals are disgusted with my bad voices, they avoid me when they meet, and some people even cover their ears when they see me, and I can't stay any longer." ”
After thinking for a moment, the white pigeon persuaded: "Have you ever thought that if you don't look for your own problems, you will face the same embarrassment no matter where you move?"
After hearing this, the crow fell into deep thought......
Only by blaming others for everything, failing to solve the fundamental problem, and learning to reflect, can we change the status quo.
Balzac said: "Suffering is a stepping stone in life, a wealth for the strong, but an abyss for the weak." ”
Because the weak will only seek results from the outside, while the strong will seek the cause from within, with a stable and positive mentality, and focus on solving problems.
Source: Visual China
Negative emotions are like dirty water, and the human heart is like a cup, and if the sewage is too much, it will one day overflow from the cup and pollute your life and the lives of others.
Venerable Hongyi once said, "Only when you learn to let go of your mind can you start anew." ”
We can't control everything that happens in life, but we can adjust our mindset to adapt to life.
When people reach middle age, instead of letting emotions control their lives, it is better to downgrade their emotions, calmly face the ups and downs of life, and actively look for ways to change their lives, so as to live their true selves.
Liu Zongyuan has a kind of insect called the scorpion.
When it crawls, it wants to grab everything it sees and carry it on its back, and even if it can't carry it, it continues to hold on until it is finally exhausted to death.
It's hard to fill the craze. The more people want, the harder it is to be satisfied, and the less happy they are.
You might as well live a simpler life, don't blindly seek more, in order to be content and happy.
When people reach middle age, they need to understand: less is more.
The more we carry, the harder it is to move forward, and we have to learn to downgrade our lives.
In this way, life will be more comfortable and calm.
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Author: Zhao Caimeo.