My name is Li Qing, and I am an ordinary girl, a small white-collar worker who works hard in a big city. I have a boyfriend who has been in love for many years, his name is Zhang Lei. We met in college, when he was a simple rural kid, while I grew up in the city. Our love is not love at first sight, but is slowly cultivated through mutual acquaintance and sympathy. However, even though our relationship is deep, I can't ignore a reality that makes me hesitate – his family.
Zhang Lei's family conditions are very difficult, and his parents work in the countryside and have a meager income. He has a younger sister who is still in elementary school. Whenever I go to his house and see their dilapidated houses and barely making ends meet, I always feel an indescribable feeling in my heart. Although I knew from an early age that poverty was not terrible, I was worried about whether such a life would bring enough happiness to our future family.
When we were talking about marriage, I kept thinking about one question: how should I deal with his family, can I accept and adapt to this kind of life? These questions often roll in my mind and make me unable to really feel at ease.
Until one day, Zhang Lei made a request to me that shocked me.
"Qingqing, I want to discuss something with you. His tone was a little heavy, "My family's conditions are really bad, and I don't have much savings, so I don't want to delay your happiness." So I thought...... I think you can help me and use your dowry to tide my family over. ”
I was stunned, not knowing what to answer. This request plunged me into a deep conflict. I love him and I am willing to give everything for our future, but it was a huge decision for me to use my dowry to fill the financial gap in his family.
I looked at Zhang Lei, and my heart was like numbness. I know his request wasn't easy, but I couldn't easily say yes either. Eventually, I took a deep breath and said, "Lei Lei, I'm willing to help you, but this involves our future, and I need time to think about it." ”
His eyes were full of gratitude and understanding, "Qingqing, I know this is an important decision for you. Just think about it, I'll wait for you. ”
For the rest of the day, I was lost in thought. I thought about the love between us, and I thought about the situation in his family. I understood that if I chose to say yes to him, it meant that I had to be prepared for a long time with poverty. I need to let go of the pursuit of material life and adapt to a simple life.
However, when I thought that the little savings I had earned in exchange for my hard work would be used to fill his family's financial holes, I couldn't help but feel a little hesitant and helpless. I tried to balance my heart, but the tugging between emotion and reason left me exhausted.
During this time, the relationship between me and Zhang Lei also became a little nervous. His anticipation and anxiety crept over into our relationship, making us communicate a lot less with each other. I know it's not his fault, after all, he's under a lot of pressure. However, I couldn't get rid of the confusion and troubles in my heart.
Until one day, I received a call from him, and his tone was anxious: "Qingqing, my family has an emergency and needs a sum of money, can you help me?"
Hearing his plea, I fell silent. I knew that this might be a test for me and an opportunity for me to decide whether or not to continue to support him. I thought about it and finally agreed to him.
I sent the money to him, but there was an indescribable bitterness in my heart. Perhaps, in his opinion, I am just a virtuous girlfriend who can help at any time, but I myself began to wonder if such a relationship was really suitable.
As the days passed, I felt more and more like I was caught in a predicament that I couldn't get out of. I began to wonder if I could really go on with Zhang Lei and whether I could afford such a life. It was as if a sharp knife had been cut through my heart, and endless pain had been cut.
However, when I finally made a decision, I felt a great sense of relief. I know it could hurt our feelings tremendously, but I can't go on like this. I can't let my happiness be based on sacrifice for him, I need to find a better way out for myself.
I decided to have a good talk with Zhang Lei and tell him frankly about my worries and doubts. We chose a weekend to sit together and have a serious conversation.
"Lei Lei, I want to talk to you about the problem between us. I got straight to the point.
He looked at me, a hint of hesitation in his eyes, "Qingqing, what's the problem?"
I took a deep breath and continued: "The tension between us is getting more and more strained, and I'm starting to wonder if we're really fit together. I know your family's situation is tough, and I'm willing to help you, but I can't let my happiness be built on your financial woes. ”
He was silent for a moment after hearing this, and then said softly, "Qingqing, I understand your concern. I also know that my family conditions are not good, and I don't want you to suffer because of me. I just hope that we can work together and face life's challenges together. ”
I nodded, "I know what you mean, but I feel like we need to make some changes, or our relationship could go worse." ”
He smiled bitterly, "Qingqing, I'm really sorry. I know I'm asking too much of you, but I really can't do it any other way. ”
I shook my head, "Lei Lei, I'm not blaming you, I just feel like we need to find a better solution." ”
We were silent for a while, and then he suddenly said, "Qingqing, I can promise you one thing. ”
I looked at him curiously, "What's the matter?"
"I will try to change myself, try to find a better job, and make our lives better," he said seriously. ”
Hearing his words, I felt a glimmer of hope. Perhaps, there is still a turning point between us, and as long as we work together, everything will be better.
In the months that followed, my relationship with Zhang Lei gradually improved. He worked hard to improve his abilities, and I was there to support him. Communication between us has become smoother, and trust and understanding between each other has increased.
However, just when I thought everything was going to get better, an unexpected discovery completely changed my mood.
The night before the wedding, I happened to see my mother-in-law's circle of friends. There are some photos of luxurious weddings inside, and I can't help but feel envious and jealous of the gorgeous scenes and expensive gifts in the picture. I was reminded of our own wedding, simple and unpretentious, in stark contrast to the photos.
I couldn't help but wonder if I could really endure such a simple life, and whether I would be willing to sacrifice my happiness for his love?
These questions rolled through my mind, leaving me feeling a wave of fear and unease. I started to think about our future, and did I really want to go down with him, and would I be able to accept this life?
That night, I didn't tell Zhang Lei what I saw, I just lay silently on the bed, staring at the ceiling in a daze. It was as if my heart was covered by a dark cloud, and I couldn't let go.
The next day, just as we were about to get married, I suddenly made up my mind. I can't let my happiness be based on sacrifice for him, I need to find a better way out for myself.
I decided to get out of the marriage.
I felt a great sense of relief from this decision, and I felt that I could finally start a new life. Although this means that I have to face a lot of unhappiness and pain, I believe that only in this way can I find happiness that is truly mine.
I took a deep breath and walked towards Zhang Lei firmly.
"Lei Lei, I need to talk to you. My voice trembled a little, but I struggled to sound firm.
He looked at me, and there was a hint of doubt in his eyes, "Qingqing, what's wrong?
I shook my head, "It's not the wedding problem, it's our problem." I...... I decided not to get married. "
His eyes suddenly became dazed, "Not married?" Qingqing, what are you talking about?"
I swallowed my saliva and held back tears, "Yes, I can't go on like this." Our lives were so different that I wasn't sure I would be able to fit in. I need time to think and find my own happiness. I'm sorry, Lei Lei, I can't marry you anymore. "
His expression became painful, "Qingqing, you...... Do you really think so? I know there are a lot of difficulties between us, but I believe we can overcome them together. Please give me a chance and let's start over. I will try to change and change our lives for the better. "
I looked him in the eye and saw his sincerity and hard work, but I knew I couldn't change my decision.
"Lei Lei, I'm sorry. I know it's hard for you to accept, but it's my final decision. I need time to think on my own and find my own path. Hope you understand. "
He was silent for a moment, then nodded slowly, "Okay, Qingqing." I respect your decision. I'll give you space to think clearly. But be assured that no matter what happens, I will be there for you. "
I looked at him gratefully, "Thank you, Lei Lei." I also hope you understand my choice. Maybe we'll cross paths in the future, but now I'm on my own. "
We looked at each other silently, each other's hearts full of reluctance and regret, but we all knew that this was a reality that had to be faced.
The decision to divorce was not easy, but I knew that only in this way could I find the happiness that truly belonged to me. I decided to give myself some time to find my own life and find someone who could truly make me happy. It may be a long and difficult process, but I am willing to work hard. Because I believe that as long as I persevere, there will be a piece of happiness waiting for me after all.