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Under the collision of the old and new views of marriage and love, we always resist the traditional stereotype while looking forward to a long-term relationship with each other; on the one hand, we rationally hope to become teammates with the people around us to make progress and resist pressure together, and on the other hand, we emotionally expect each other to be not only partners with interests, but partners who love each other.
Therefore, in the misalignment and twisting of these two templates, we can't call out our husbands, we don't talk about our lovers, we can only blur the middle ground in terms of "teammates and roommates", and we have beautiful fantasies about the role of our husbands.
We can say that this is the alienation of modern marital relations, but perhaps, it is a new possibility of sexual relations.
Mr. and Mrs.
The daily life of a stay-at-home mother was swiped on the Internet.
I get up at half past six in the morning, cook, wake up my eldest son to eat, and send him to school.
Before going out, I also asked my "roommate" to take care of my sleeping little daughter.
Source: Douyin
Seeing this, everyone thought that this was a single mother with two babies alone, and a kind "roommate".
In the end, the mother was washing clothes, cooking, cleaning, picking up children from school, tutoring homework, and was busy all day, calling her "roommate" who had not yet returned home.
Everyone realized that the "roommate" turned out to be her husband.
A husband who was still drinking a lot of wine outside at two o'clock in the middle of the night.
In an earlier video, she referred to the other party as a "partner."
Source: Douyin
These titles, which do not carry any emotional color and do not reflect any intimacy, basically summarize the marital status of the two.
One only works outside, gives 2,000 living expenses a month, does not take care of children, and does not do housework.
A full-time home with a baby, busy from 6:30 to 12 o'clock every day, all year round.
Although they live under the same roof, the two communicate less and less, and they spend no more than ten minutes together every day, and they are not even as close as ordinary roommates.
Just like netizens complained, "roommates have to coax your child when they see it crying."
Source: Douyin
"Married single", "single-parent parenting", "widowed parenting", are the labels that frequently appear on the cover of this mother's video.
What the camera records is always her busy alone.
And the man who is called "roommate" will only come in and ask where my cigarette is when his wife is busy cleaning up the kitchen.
Obviously, the word "roommate" not only expresses a sense of alienation, but also carries some resentment and dissatisfaction.
In recent years, it seems that it has become more and more popular among couples to use non-related terms to refer to the other half of the marriage.
Words similar to "roommate" include "roommate", "teammate", "rice partner", "life partner", ......
Among them, compared with "roommates", "teammates" have a more prominent sense of cooperation.
People who like to call the other half "teammates" believe that "teammates" point out the essence of marriage, and the two live in teams, perform their own duties, and upgrade to fight monsters.
The marriage relationship of equality in their eyes is the relationship of teammates.
Source: Sina Weibo
Those who are disgusted think that words like "teammates" have too strong a sense of interest and are too cold;
And this kind of behavior of appropriating the words of other relationships to intimate relationships is also prone to misunderstanding.
Source: Douban
For example, someone posted a complaint about the roommate's lack of hygiene.
When the comment area was full of righteous indignation to find a way to come up with ideas, the poster shyly said that the "roommate" was her husband.
It's hard not to give the enthusiastic crowd the illusion of being played.
Some time ago, there were bloggers who claimed that they were cyberbullied, but in fact, it was also a misunderstanding caused by the title.
The blogger has always called her husband a "rice partner", but in a video recording her accidental miscarriage, she was a "rice partner" again, coupled with the man's cold response at the time, netizens misunderstood the marital status of the two, and they were upset for her, complaining about the man's indifference and irresponsibility.
In the end, the blogger could only come out and explain over and over again that "Rice Partner" is a nickname, and "Rice Partner" is not bad for himself.
Source: Sina Weibo
Of course, such a misunderstanding essentially reflects another layer of public concern-
When the definition of the other half is blurred, is there a risk that the corresponding responsibilities and obligations will be blurred?
After all, the obligation and responsibility for maintenance belong to the spouse.
It doesn't belong to roommates, roommates, teammates, or any partner.
The unspeakable "husband"
On the one hand, there is an unspeakable "husband", and on the other hand, there are flooded "roommates", "roommates", "teammates" and "partners".
"My roommate accompanies me in confinement"
"My roommate promised to take care of our mother's ......"
Source: Douyin
The reason why it sounds strange is that people are using the most common and general term to refer to the most intimate relationships.
In fact, the change in the title of husband and wife reflects the flow of the concept of marriage and the different expectations of people in different eras.
The title of husband and wife in ancient times reflects the "superiority of men and inferiority of women" and "husband-oriented" from beginning to end.
Wives call their husbands "Langjun", "Husband", "Official" and "Xianggong", no matter what kind of title, it is a good title that contains respect and admiration.
In particular, "Xianggong" and "Official" were originally official titles, but later they all became women's honorific titles for their husbands, all over the Shishu.
Source: "The Legend of the New White Lady"
In feudal society, as long as a man becomes a husband, he can automatically be promoted to a higher level, become the head of the family, and become an official.
In contrast, the husband derogates his wife.
The wife is "inside", "insider", "insider", "insider", "cheaper".
It is a "Jing woman", "clumsy wife", "dregs" and "mother-in-law......
In these seemingly written words of gentleness and self-modesty, it is the typical impression that men are strong and women are weak in traditional marriage relationships.
In ancient times, men were the heavens, the highest power holders in the family, and even mediocre men could be crowned officials because they married a wife.
However, in modern times, the relationship between the sexes has become more and more diverse, and the change of titles is also a reflection of the gradual return to equality in the marriage relationship.
In modern times, husbands and wives often call each other "Mr. and Mrs", people advocate freedom and innovation, and the relationship between husband and wife has become mutually supportive, equal to each other, and collide with more harmonious and warm colors.
In the late 30s and early 40s of the last century, many intellectuals began to use the term "lover", showing the characteristics of equality, mutual respect, harmony and closeness.
In modern times, the relationship between the sexes has become more and more diverse, such as the aforementioned teammates and roommates, and many men have received ridiculous titles. For example, big pig's trotters, scumbags, sea kings, and so on.
After the title was abused, the original implied accusation was also weakened a lot. It no longer represents infidelity, but is derived from men who are incomprehensible, too "straight" and so on.
There will also be girls who use these titles to call their boyfriends or husbands as intimate jokes.
In short, the names between husband and wife are becoming more and more open and ambiguous, reflecting the twisted side of the modern concept of marriage and love-
On the one hand, as more and more women participate in production, marriage and love relationships are gradually becoming equal. Husbands and wives began to commensurate themselves as teammates, just like working together to fight monsters and upgrade on the road of life, facing wind and rain.
But this way of addressing clearly shatters the sacred filter of marriage, and simplifies and makes it infinitely realistic.
And when the rational "teammate relationship" becomes the perfect template in marriage and love, it is difficult for us not to ask the question - do the teammates in your mouth really do what a teammate should do?
Obviously, the modern marriage and love relationship has jumped out of the traditional male superiority and inferiority of women, but it also shows disappointment and twisting outside the rational and calm "partner" relationship.
When the girls typed the phrase "what should I do if my teammates don't give up", what is implied is not only the disappointment of their teammates in life, but also the hesitation in the intimate relationship.
Teammates should only be the baseline when choosing a marriage partner, but now, it has become a death-free gold medal for the "hands-off shopkeeper".
Abused "husbands" and "daughters-in-law"
However, contrary to the shame of calling "husband" and "wife" between real couples, it is the abuse of various husbands and wives on the Internet.
In some circles, girls express their friendliness by calling each other husbands. The husband has become a nickname, replacing the former "sister" and "like-minded".
There are also times when "husband" and "wife" turn into a compliment.
It has nothing to do with gender or content, it just expresses a "feeling" and an "attitude".
In this argument, the person who is called "husband" or "wife" is nothing more than an ideal template, carrying a beautiful projection of the relationship between the sexes.
A young female star can be a husband because she looks cool and handsome.
An actress with a "sister feeling" can be a husband because she has a sense of security and strength.
The popular Yue Opera actress Chen Lijun has carried forward the term "husband and sister".
On stage, she is a young student with sword eyebrows, and offstage has also bumped into the most popular marriage and love template because of her identity in the system, no matter where she is, she is a well-deserved husband.
Even girls who don't know each other on the Internet will be praised for "her husband is so spicy" because of a short video, which makes people scratch their heads.
But when the husband and wife titles are abused for normal social and Internet communication, they can also imperceptibly accelerate stereotypes.
Some time ago, a "daughter-in-law brother" on the short video platform became popular.
In the video, he gets up early every day to cook for his grandparents, looking low-brow and pleasing to the eyes, gentle and virtuous. Netizens asked for marriage in the comment area, and directly called out to their daughter-in-law.
Like her husband, the "daughter-in-law" has also become a feeling, a state.
It's really cool to watch this reversal of the relationship between the sexes, but behind the title of "daughter-in-law", it is almost a regression of gender impressions.
"Why are these things that a daughter-in-law should do?"
"Is it the daughter-in-law's obligation to cook?
The most straightforward thing has to be this sentence to point out the essence:
"The one who works is the daughter-in-law, and the handsome one is the husband, why?"
Why do you always say that a husband is a feeling and a daughter-in-law is a state?
On the one hand, it is because our imagination of marriage and love relationships is still stuck in the traditional template. The daughter-in-law is taken on the housework by default, and by default she must keep her eyebrows low and keep her eyes gentle.
Therefore, the daughter-in-law brother has become a compliment, and wanting to "marry a husband" has become a traffic password.
On the other hand, it is because it is often difficult for men in real life to take on the responsibilities of a real life partner.
Why can a husband like Chen Lijun be widely sought after by girls? Because in the image she presents, the "husband" is handsome, reliable, secure, and trustworthy.
At the same time, they are not greasy or daddy, and have the beautiful characteristics of softness and tolerance.
Source: Internet
Under this hybridization of androgynous, the husband on the Internet has achieved an idealistic partner template. And the widespread abuse of "husbands" is a manifestation of the lack of men themselves in emotional relationships.
Under the collision of the old and new views of marriage and love, we always resist the traditional stereotype while looking forward to a long-term relationship with each other; on the one hand, we rationally hope to become teammates with the people around us to make progress and resist pressure together, and on the other hand, we emotionally expect each other to be not only partners with interests, but partners who love each other.
Therefore, in the misalignment and twisting of these two templates, we can't call out our husbands, we don't talk about our lovers, we can only blur the middle ground in terms of "teammates and roommates", and we have beautiful fantasies about the role of our husbands.
We can say that this is the alienation of modern marital relations, but perhaps, it is a new possibility of sexual relations.
Do not break or stand, remove the old and cloth the new.
At the very least, women who have broken free from the shackles of the house have the space to find and choose teammates, and they know what kind of companions they should choose as a partner to withstand the wind and rain.
This is better than being called a clumsy jing, an insider, and waiting to be picked up.
Author - Sili, four cans
(Excerpted from the WeChat public account of her magazine)