No one stipulates that the ex must be the ex, and he can become your current at any time.
Do many people not believe it when they hear it? They think that he is so cruel to me and doesn't give me a chance, how can he come back to me?
I can only say one thing: you are so naïve.
I have met so many couples who have broken up and reunited, and I have communicated with many people who have taken the initiative to ask for a breakup, most of them do not break up for the sake of breaking up, more often than not, he really has no choice but to break up with a breakup.
Here's a reassuring pill for you, if your situation fits:
The breakup time is less than half a year, and during this period, each other has not challenged each other's tolerance to the death, or there is no deep grudge between the two of you, nor is there any principled issue involved.
Or although the parents do not agree, but the parents themselves belong to the kind of people who are easier to talk and easy to be soft-hearted, if there is no big problem with these three points, it is a situation that is easier to recover.
Because many people have problems with communication, I will discuss several situations separately here
01
The contact information is there, but the other party has a cold attitude
If this is the case, there are probably three reasons
1. Your core problem has not been solved, and the other party rationally thinks that you are not suitable, but emotionally he can't bear to ignore you completely.
2. The other party knows your purpose very well, and knows that you are looking for something to talk to him, and the purpose is not to break up, so he is wary of you, so he doesn't dare to talk too much.
3, he just wants to maintain a friendly relationship on the surface, but his patience is not much left, so he just wants to chat with and without a match.
For the above three situations, the best way is not to disconnect, but to do a few in-depth communication, I know that many bloggers come up and let you disconnect, in fact, I don't agree with this point of view, because you can still get in touch now.
It shows that the other party is willing to listen to your nagging even if he annoys you again, especially at present, your relationship has not reached the point of tearing your face, so just solve the core problem as soon as possible.
You can directly take out a few things that led to your breakup, carefully analyze the reasons for the breakup, find problems, solve problems, and then show an attitude of being willing to correct the problems.
If you choose to delay time and not solve the problem, then in the end, the other party can only slowly form a solidified cognition and feel that you are not suitable.
And the trick to deep communication is twofold
☆ One is to analyze the essence of your problem very deeply, preferably from the perspective of the problem that you have not penetrated before.
For example, the family of origin, or the intimate relationship model, as long as it is deep enough, the other party will believe it, and will instinctively think that it will change.
02
Contact information has been blocked or deleted
Whether it's blocked or deleted, in fact, I don't think it's a bad thing, and the reason is quite simple, because you just can't talk about love, but you don't have any deep hatred.
The other party can decisively delete or block you, it must be because of your current behavior, which has caused the other party's mood swings, at least make the other party feel angry or bored, and he will delete and block you.
In other words, you make the other person angry, that's all. But emotions are such a thing, how fast they come, how fast they go.
So if you encounter this situation, what you need to do is to calm down, and then wait for the other party to calm down, and then you change the contact information, such as an Internet phone or something, and then apologize to make a rationalization, in fact, the other party will add it back.
But I still want to emphasize again, don't apologize with such a strong purpose, the other party can feel it, but it is easy to be self-defeating.
A good apology must analyze the essence of the breakup, and come out with an attitude that is neither humble nor arrogant, in addition, it must also express the willingness of "you want to change in the future and are willing to change".
It doesn't matter if the other party doesn't believe it at the time, because this will give him a hint in your various mental anchor behaviors in the future, thinking that you will really change.
When you give the other party the choice, the other party will be able to add you back when there is a choice, and when the mood is peaceful.
03
The contact information is there, but no matter what you say, the other party will not respond
In response to this situation, there are two general reasons, one is that the other party really doesn't want to respond to you, at least emotionally and temporarily rejects communicating with you, but he doesn't want to delete you, but the other party really doesn't want to pay attention to you at the moment.
The other is related to the other party's personality, when you meet this kind of ex, who can hold back and don't reply to anything you send, there is a tenacity and patience in the personality.
Usually this kind of person has a good temper, but he is quite resentful in his heart, and this kind of person is very easy to make such a move after a breakup.
For the above two reasons,
The first is that you communicate with the other person intermittently, do not talk about feelings, you can talk about other topics, and lay out a sense of comfort for a while.
In the second case, you have to learn to find their weaknesses in such a character, and it is useless for such people to blindly obey and appease.
They are indifferent to logical behavior, to all expected behavior.
Therefore, the best way to deal with such people is to refute their ideas and opinions with reason.
For example, go to have a deep discussion about the reasons for the breakup, admit your mistakes sincerely if you lose, and give the other party a step if you win, so that you can communicate.
After a while, you may find that if your chat is more interesting than before, the other person is likely to respond well.
Or if you know how to talk sweetly, you know how to show weakness and flatter, and the other party's attitude will also change a lot, so you will mistakenly think that this is all there is, and this can be compounded, but in fact, this is not exactly the case.
The key to whether he is willing to be with you again is not how comfortable you are, nor how high your ambiguity index is, but whether the other party really feels your change, which is very crucial.
If you really don't have the same as before, and you really correct the shortcomings that the other person once minded, the other party will feel it from the process of your contact. These can't be hidden.
Therefore, you still have to grasp the key points when operating the compound, and remember that it is always a good thing for your ex to have emotions for you, which is much better than someone with a gentle face but has made up his mind.
Therefore, disconnection is not suitable for all situations, long-term separation, the easiest thing to get in exchange is the emotional inertia of slowly cold, and even the emotional foundation has disappeared, even if you want to redeem it, the other party may not give you another chance.