8-16 year old children procrastinate and are not self-disciplined, introductive and unconfident, want to do but do not execute, and have no motivation to cope with learning...... If you want to "cure the roots", the root is in the internal drive and mental energy (click)!
I am an internal drive coach, the main creator of the "five senses internal drive" method, the biggest feature is "landing", eliminating the common problem of "knowing but not doing", so that children are self-disciplined and self-confident. Numerous Parents Testimony Effective!(Acquisition: Nurturing Program)
10 children are rebellious, 9 are playing games, and 2 are depressed...... Today I want to thoroughly explain the typical symptoms of children's rebellion, the three major reasons, and the four major solutions.
01
You suppress control, and he will be rebellious and depressed sooner or later
Let's start with the symptoms of rebellion. There is a "junior high school syndrome", you check whether there is one.
For example, being impatient with your parents' words, indulging in mobile games, avoiding studying, closing the door of your heart, closing the door of your room, making bad friends, anyway, the more you object, the more he likes to do it......
These phenomena are not new to the second year of junior high school, which is just a general outbreak period, which begins in many elementary schools.
Don't think that the child is still young, and you don't have to worry about it if you haven't rebelled yet, because rebellion is all about changing from quantity to quality, and finally you mistakenly think that it is just a sudden outbreak.
Many parents are accustomed to using external drives, the child will be rebellious, you suppress and control, and he will be depressed sooner or later.
02
There are three main reasons for the formation of rebellion
By analyzing the causes of rebellion with a sharp analysis, you will be able to prevent it and effectively ensure that your child does not rebel!
The first reason, psychological research has found that children around the age of 13 will suddenly show a "revenge" rebellious counterattack, which is the result of "emotional backlog, sooner or later". Therefore, before the age of 13, the calm is often the result of the brewing of turbulent waves on the bottom of the sea.
The second reason is that most of the growth process of rebellious children is that "their behavior is indulged and their emotions are suppressed". And this is a fatal mistake, you see that "behavior is indulged" is called spoiling, right? and "emotionally suppressed" is violence, which is just the opposite of humanistic psychology that "behavior should be managed, emotions should be accompanied".
A spoiled child's mental model is to do whatever he wants, and to do everything he wants, and suppressed emotions will inevitably lead to confrontational violence! So you will find that the child understands everything, but he just doesn't want to listen to you.
The third reason is that parents "can't keep their hearts, can't control their mouths", once the child is not as good as their own mind, they begin to preach and nag, causing the child to close the ear door, and then close the heart door.
Of course, in addition, there are also studies that have found that it is related to your low family energy, such as tension between husband and wife, conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and even abortion, all of which have an impact on current children.
With the above three reasons for analysis, you can basically prevent rebellion, but with the following four major healing methods, you can definitely change rebellion and improve your grades.
03
Four Ways to Heal Rebellion
Four methods, as long as you do it, will definitely work!
The first is to seek oneself
Is it the rebellion of the child or the rebellion of the parents? I think it is caused by the wrong parenting, and it is the parents who do not grow up that they feel that the child is rebellious. No child is destined to rebel from birth, and parents should seek their own self-reflection and deep introspection.
When encountering a child's rebellion, recite the nine-character mantra, "I gave birth, I raised, I taught", blame myself, don't blame the child, let alone violence.
However, some parents encounter their children who are rebellious and overly self-blaming, and then immediately become obedient and indulgent to their children, and in front of their children, from the original blow and depression, suddenly become submissive and humble and cautious, and run to apologize to their children!
If you don't apologize for the time being, then follow the practice of "apologize in your heart and praise in your mouth", and at the same time uphold the principle of "I love you but I still have boundaries" and "I want to manage your behavior gently, and I will accompany you warmly and warmly with your emotions."
The second is to repair the relationship
I found that destroying relationships children is rebellious, destroying relationships and indulging in games, destroying relationships is destroying grades, and it can be said that all child problems are relationship problems, do you agree?
How do you build a good relationship with your child?
Remember three secrets: become friends with what you like, resonate into your heart at the same frequency, and melt the ice with warmth and touch.
For example, there is a father whose child is seriously addicted to games, so he follows the above practice and simply accompanies his child to play games in an Internet café, which is called becoming a friend as he likes. He helps the child to deliver food to the Internet café every day, one night there was goose feather snow in the sky, he walked into the Internet café with snow on his head, waiting for the child to go home after the game, the snow melted, making him shiver all over, very cold, the child felt his father's discomfort while playing the game, and finally turned around with tears in his eyes and hugged his father with tears and said "Go Dad, let's go home, I will never play games again", this is the warmth of the melting ice.
The third is to return autonomy
Give autonomy back to the child. Some children have been constrained by various standards of their parents since they were young, and they have been deprived of the right to choose and make decisions, and the child has a lifetime and can't do his own things, so he must be "I have the final say in my affairs" when he reaches adolescence, so parents learn to "close their mouths and open their ears", and no longer open which pot is not opened.
Fourth, endless patience
Treat children with endless love and endless patience, in fact, rebellion is only a period, not a lifetime. It is the child's settlement after the autumn, and the new account and the old account are calculated together. If you owe a debt, you have to pay it back, rightfully so. But many parents are suppressive and violent! The result will be: if you suppress rebellion, sooner or later he will be depressed or give up on himself.
The above is the method of healing rebellion, if it is done in place, it will definitely have an effect! But the premise is that you really do it, and the method is implemented (because there are actually many things in the landing process)!
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For more ways to implement internal motivation, please read the following article to help you "educate the landing" and "do" (not just "know")
[These 2 must-read]
1. Three steps to cultivate internal drive, I am a "person who has come over": After contacting more than 2,000 children, I have summed up a set of methods to ensure that the children's internal drive is improved!
2. "Five Senses Internal Drive" Landing Solution: I use the "Five Senses" method to help you solve the problem of internal drive, so that children are self-disciplined and motivated
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Original | A little teacher
Internal Motivation Consultant, Healthy Heart Coach. Love to see the essence, like to talk about the system, and strive for practical results. Follow and practice together.