In life, we will always encounter all kinds of strange requests, which may be from relatives, friends, colleagues.....
It's time to get off work, and because of a colleague's request, stay and help;
I just want to rest on weekends, because of the nagging of my family, I still accompany me out to go shopping......
Obviously he was already very tired, and he had no intention of dealing with these unreasonable requests, so in order not to disappoint the other party, he still agreed to it.
In the end, he not only wronged himself, but also gave the other party room to continue to make progress.
Osamu Dazai said in "Human Disqualification":
My misfortune lies in my lack of ability to refuse.
Indeed, many things can be avoided because there is no refusal that gives them a signal to continue.
As everyone knows, only by clearly expressing their position will the other party retreat.
Those who live an easy life do not want to be rich or rich, nor do they have to be bitter, but they will:
Know how to say no.
Reject inappropriate relationships
In the 90s of the last century, Qian Zhongshu, a master in the literary world, died.
Not long ago, I experienced the tragedy of a white-haired person sending a black-haired person, and now my beloved is far away from him, and now there is only one person left in the past, Yang Jiang has suffered a big blow in his heart.
After taking care of Qian Zhongshu's funeral, he faced the pain in his heart alone by closing the door and avoiding customers.
My friend Fei Xiao informed her of this, lest she be too sad and come to visit.
They were old friends and had a lot in common.
After going back and forth, the two got acquainted again, and Yang Jiang gradually walked out of the haze with Fei Xiaotong's company.
It's just that day after day, Fei Xiaotong's visits are becoming more and more frequent.
is as smart as Yang Jiang, how can he not know what his friends think.
At the end of a visit, Yang Jiang looked at his friend who was carefully going downstairs on crutches, and said meaningfully:
"The stairs are not easy to walk, so you don't have to go up in the future. ”
Fei Xiaotong stood awkwardly in place after hearing this, and didn't say anything in the end.
It's just that since then, he has not visited Yang's house again.
Yang Jiang once said:
"It's always bad to do it reluctantly, it's better to give this opportunity to choose back to others, and don't delay other people's time. ”
In the face of an inappropriate relationship, it is necessary to withdraw in time.
Although both parties were uncomfortable at that moment, the sadness of the moment was better than the disappointment that slowly accumulated.
Yitong knew that his colleague Ah Hui had a good impression of him.
But he only regarded him as a friend and had no other thoughts, and he was afraid that he wouldn't even be a friend after refusing, and he had always maintained an ambiguous attitude of half-pushing and half-acknowledging his overtures.
As the relationship deepened, the contradictions between the two gradually increased, ranging from what to eat for breakfast to Sunday's schedule.
One weekend, Ah Hui didn't prepare breakfast for Yitong, so the two had a big quarrel.
Although he apologized at the end, the relationship was inevitably going to break down.
In "Sense and Sensibility", it says:
"In the wrong relationship, it's like two people pulling a tight rubber band, and the one who is more afraid of being hurt is the most unwilling to let go. ”
In the face of an inappropriate relationship, you must refuse in time, for yourself and for both parties to have a better result.
After all, a twisted melon is hard to sweeten.
Say no to useless socializing
In society, social interaction is indispensable.
It's just a pity that many of the social relationships we try to cultivate are useless.
In a forum, a netizen told about his experience:
When I'm usually resting, I like to meet up with three or five friends to play, and my friends will bring their friends with me.
As he came into contact with more and more people, the number of friends around him also increased visibly.
Looking at the gradually increasing number of friends, he was proud of his connections more than once.
There was an accident at home and I needed 200,000 yuan for first aid.
He has so many friends, isn't it easy to get 200,000?
He thought so, but reality slapped him hard.
He asked one by one, those so-called friends either couldn't read it back or used all kinds of excuses, and some people pretended to care about whether he had stolen his account, and seeing their reactions, netizens' hearts were cold.
used to call each other brothers and sisters at the wine table, and when they needed help, they ran faster than anyone else.
Yishu once said:
"The seats are full of friends, and the guests are like clouds, but there may not be three or two people who can really communicate with each other. ”
People who constantly add friends and mix circles seem to have received a lot of social support on the surface, but when they need help, they find that those formal relationships are not vulnerable at all.
I like a quote from Dale Carnegie:
"When dealing with people, remember:
We are not dealing with people who live purely according to reason or logic, but people who are full of feelings, and who are prejudiced, arrogant, and vain. ”
Everything in the world is not as sincere as it seems.
Everyone wears a mask of kindness, and only when they really get in touch can they understand that everything still depends on themselves.
The willingness of others to help you is also based on the fact that you can also provide value to the other person.
So, instead of dwelling on fake relationships, try to make yourself worthwhile.
You must know that really powerful people rarely mix in circles, and they will turn themselves into that powerful circle.
Reject excessive self-doubt
Feelings, social relationships, these things can be seen and discerned with the naked eye.
But there is one thing that cannot be seen or touched, but has a deeper impact than the first two, and that is:
Self-doubt.
Why?
Because Mr. Yu Qiuyu said:
"Human beings always lack confidence, advance and retreat, stop and go, keep self-consumption, and constantly consume for self-consumption. ”
I don't believe in myself, even if I feed the food, I will still wave my hand and say:
I don't need to.
When writer Li Youyi was young, a headhunter asked her if she was interested in being the general manager's secretary.
Li Youyi thought twice and thought that he was not qualified for this position and refused the invitation.
A few years later, she went to interview the CEO of that company and joked:
"I almost became your secretary back then. ”
When the boss heard this, he immediately said:
"It's okay now, do you want to try it?"
She stammered and replied:
"Let me think again. ”
The boss looked at Li Youyi, shook his head and said:
"Chances don't wait for you a third time.
The headhunter who invited you back then has become a leader in the industry. ”
To this day, Li Youyi still regrets his decision when he thinks of this incident.
Our greatest enemy is ourselves.
Always think that they are incompetent, put themselves in a humble position, not only reject the hospitality of others, but also give up the opportunity to tap their unknown potential.
As Jane Austen said:
As long as you don't want to believe things in your heart, you will always find a little basis for doubt.
You don't want to believe that you are capable, so you are always self-doubting and anxious step by step, and then regretting the decision one day.
Reject self-doubt, reduce the expenditure of inner energy, you are good in yourself and deserve more good things.
After all, if the opportunity can appear in front of you, it proves that your ability has passed its "interview".
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Sanmao said:
"Don't be afraid to say no, as long as your reasons are justified. ”
Rejecting an inappropriate relationship is a matter of decency for both parties;
Only by rejecting useless socialization can we gradually find what we want;
Refuse to over-doubt yourself, so that life will not be so screwed.
We should all have the ability to refuse, and this ability should not become a dilemma of left and right choices, and what really belongs to you will not be far away because of rejection.
We can all learn to say no and say the word: NO!
Author | Ziqiao Qianyang, make friends with writing, write and make friends
Picture | Submitted by Ziqiao photography enthusiasts.