01
What are the factors that affect the quality of marriage?
There are three main points. First, material factors, including money, houses, savings, etc., secondly, physiological factors, including energy, age difference, frequency of marital life, etc., and third, conceptual factors.
Material factors and conceptual factors, it is easy to understand, why the age difference among physiological factors will also affect the quality of marriage?
At the most large level, the age difference between men and women will affect their relationship patterns. At a small level, the age difference between men and women will affect their thoughts and mentality.
For example, in a marriage where "the man is older than the woman is younger", the husband will give in to his wife a little. In a marriage of "men and women of the same age", the husband and wife will not let each other, and they will do it against each other if there are trivial matters and contradictions.
Perhaps, the "age difference" that we ignore is precisely one of the key factors that determine the quality of marriage.
02
We might as well think about a question, what is the most suitable age difference between husband and wife?
In A Sociological Analysis of the Age Difference between Spouses in China, researchers surveyed thousands of couples and came to the conclusion that couples have the happiest marriages when the age difference between couples is 5-8 years old, and that the man is 5-8 years older than the woman.
There are four reasons for this.
First of all, the man is slightly older than the woman, and the man will let the woman a little bit, more tolerant and less arguing. The frequency of quarrels decreased, and the marriage was naturally happy.
Secondly, the older man will be stronger in terms of economic strength, which is conducive to meeting the material needs of marriage. And the man who is the same age as the woman basically can't close the economic gap, and the marriage that lacks material is unhappy.
Third, it satisfies the psychological needs of the woman. The partner that a woman hopes for is not only the care of her father, but also the companionship of her brother, and the romance of a lover. And those who meet this requirement are precisely men who are about 5 years older than the woman.
Fourth, the life of the husband and wife is more harmonious. The age gap between the two parties is too large, and the quality of life as a couple is definitely poor. Both parties are about the same age and will lack a certain amount of experience. In this way, the age difference is not too small, about 5 years old, it is just right.
03
The age difference is too large, for example, the marriage of "old husband and young wife", there are these three contradictions.
First, there is a lack of a certain amount of emotion.
When a young woman marries an older man, such as a 40-year-old man marrying a 20-year-old woman, it is definitely a material marriage of "each according to his needs". A man wants a woman's face, and a woman wants a man's money. With something wrong with one side, the other will definitely run away overnight.
Second, there is a lack of a good married life.
If you are a woman, do you like to be with a man like your brother, or do you like to be with a greasy middle-aged and elderly man? If you don't want money, you must choose the former. Marriages that do not meet their physical needs, the so-called "sexless marriages", will not be happy after all. In an unhappy marriage, the divorce rate will be particularly high.
Third, the three views and ideas have never been able to be blended.
The combination of men and women is not only a physical and physiological combination, but also a combination of three views and ideas. You think about the same as me, and it will be more comfortable to get along with. If the age gap is too large, the three views are definitely different. For example, the concept of the post-70s generation and the concept of the post-90s generation are absolutely incompatible. The conflicts and quarrels that are destined to arise one after another.
04
The age difference is too small, or there is no age difference at all, and there are these 3 problems.
First, the economic strength is about the same, or none at all.
A woman is 25 years old, if she is looking for a man of the same age as herself, then she will most likely find a young man who has just graduated from college and has no money. In this year, if you don't have money to get married, you can only live a hard life, and it is definitely not the best choice.
Second, it is easy to look at each other unpleasantly, and no one will tolerate anyone.
From the perspective of human psychology, the more you are about the same age, the more you will hate each other. Just like the students, they will definitely respect their seniors and not their classmates. The psychology of bullying the soft and fearing the hard was born from this.
Thirdly, neither side feels that their respective needs are not being met.
Men prefer girls who are a few years younger than themselves, and do not like women of the same age, because their desire to conquer, possess, and protect the weak needs to be released. Women like men who are a few years older than them, and they don't like men of the same age very much, because they feel that men of the same age are not mature enough to be reliable at all.
05
Write to the end
The age difference, which seems to be a problem of age, actually involves many issues such as money, material, desire, physical needs, spiritual satisfaction, and the integration of three views.
A few years older, a few years younger, it feels different after all. People's psychological habits have been developed since they were students, looking down on their peers and respecting their big brothers and sisters. That's human nature.
In general, men are happiest in marriages when they are 5-8 years older than women. And then the other way around? If the woman is 5-8 years older than the man, then the probability of the man cheating is relatively high.
All in all, this involves two kinds of psychology, one is the psychology of men "conquering the weak", and the other is the mentality of women "admiring the strong".