Preface
If you have been to Huizhou, you will be shocked by the towering arches, solemn ancestral halls, and groups of white-walled and tiled houses in Huizhou, which stand silently in the wind and rain, as if telling us what is inheritance and culture.
If you understand the spirit of Huizhou businessmen, you will be moved by their spirit of "honesty and righteousness, thrift and pragmatism, responsibility, and family and country feelings", which is behind the hundred years of family accumulation and family style inheritance, thus forming a unique and rich spiritual character.
From April 10th --- April 14th, Love and Happiness held a cultural tour of Qianyuan Power "Clan and Rules" in Huizhou, where everyone touched culture in history, felt life in the link, and found their hearts in heaven and earth.
After coming back, many men have changed, when looking at everyone's feelings, the editor has been moved many times, men recognize their responsibilities, and use culture to lead the family to happiness, today we excerpt some of the feelings written by three men, and share their joy of growth with you.
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Everyone is my role model
Text | Old Shen
Huizhou cultural tour, let be described in three words: be blessed. In two words: magical. In one word: love.
1. The blessing of historical figures
Before the camp started, the teacher asked us to look for our family tree.
Open my Shen family tree, a group of people located in the south of the peak of Shaoshan Mountain in Hunan, starting from the Song Dynasty, after hundreds of years, living industrious, brave and upright in this land. The family tree has the Shen family motto and very strict family rules. Looking at these family trees, I was ashamed.
For so many years, my heart has been wandering outside, I have always been lost, and I am constantly grasping outward, still empty.
Looking, looking, I feel as if I have been blessed by my people.
Looking at the portraits of my ancestors and reading the glorious deeds of my ancestors, I look so similar to them, and I also have three-bar forehead lines on my forehead, and my blood flows with their cultural genes.
Looking at the location marked on the ancestral tomb, the names of the mountains, and the names of the roads, they are so kind and emotional.
Because, since I was a child, I grew up listening to these names. They tug at my heartstrings, and I am proud to be the 24th generation of the Shen family.
In Huizhou, gently touch the historical buildings, look at the traces left on the buildings, taste the breath of the osmanthus trees, and listen to the stories of history.
Beside the stream, on the stone bridge, in front of the threshold, and in the courtyard, I seemed to be able to see the figures of the ancients shuttling. The family rules engraved on the wall are so detailed and strict. In front of the statues and heroes, I bowed my head with all my heart. Thank you to them for giving me the opportunity to stand in front of me and listen to their stories. Repenting of the mistakes I have made, I promise to learn from them, to restrain my desires, and to overcome my fears.
Second, the blessing of Mr. Tao Xingzhi
Standing in front of the statue of Mr. Zheng, Mr. Zheng Wei asked us: "Mr. Tao Xingzhi said that life is a big thing, and you can do a big thing." Why did you come to a big deal in your life, and what did you do?"
A fierce voice burst out in my heart: This life is for the culture, for the inheritance of the culture.
I wanted to cry and felt disrespectful in front of my husband, but I strongly restrained my excitement and emotions. Because of this moment, I feel infinite glory and mission, I feel that my life is meaningful, and I have a direction in life. That excitement, that blessing, it's incomparable.
What's even more amazing is that the son who reversed black and white didn't play games that night, and ran 4 kilometers by himself, as if his son also had his own direction in life.
3. The blessing of the example of those around you
Teacher Zheng Wei's respect for Teacher Zhang, from gestures to standing, every detail, I see in my eyes and remember in my heart. Moved and moved.
Close communication with Mr. Zheng Wei. Someone gave him small pieces of food to eat, and I didn't, and I was very embarrassed at that moment. It's not going to go, it's not going to go.
When I put my inner voice out, I thought I was going to be trained, and it was going to be very uncomfortable. Unexpectedly, he took my hand, gave me two grains of food, and then gave me three more grains, and said to me like a child: "Look, give you three more, now you have more than mine". Mr. Zheng Wei is so cute, I think he is also a little boy, he is with me in the player's house, we are childhood playmates.
What's even more incredible is that my wife, who is prone to emotions, seems to have no emotions anymore, and called me that night: "Husband, it's thundering here, I'm so scared!" That feeling, my mother, I can't describe it, men understand it!
And I, in the face of my wife's nagging, used to sound like a request, accusation and complaint about me, but now it sounds like it's all about care and love for me!
I can't figure out if I've changed or if my wife has changed. Is there really telepathy between husband and wife? Is there really quantum entanglement? Or is it all made by the heart?
In addition, when the teacher admonished the students, the reluctance to tears and the respect for life constantly impacted my soul and washed my soul. At that moment, I saw the tears in my eyes when my father beat me when I was a child. At that moment, I wanted to be a man like the teachers, who was affectionate and righteous, and loved everyone deeply.
The students bravely faced their past, in front of the ancestral hall, under the plaque, boldly admitted their responsibilities, bravely faced their mistakes, and were happy for their gorgeous turns, and I myself received the incomparable joy that every life brings me. It's too amazing to put into words what it feels like to be inside!
Ancients, saints, heroes, teachers, students, I think it is: everyone is my example!
What's even more amazing is myself, constantly seeing my selfishness and self.
Seeing other people's lives die and bloom, I feel that the heart I want to grow up is so selfish, which makes me ashamed. When I saw myself in front of my wife and children, constantly reasoning, I saw that I was so self, I lived in my own world, and I used the so-called correct truth to make myself comfortable, and I didn't feel the discomfort of others at all. I didn't really respect every life.
The moment I saw it, I suddenly realized, my eyes were filled with tears, and I was actually happy.
Recognize it and take on the responsibilities of a man
Text | Old Lou
On the first day of the camp, the teacher wrote down "the father is unkind, the son is not filial", "the husband is unjust, the woman is not obedient", "the brother is not a friend, the brother is not respectful", and wrote "recognize", that is, to admit, that is, to admit, to admit responsibility, to write down "true", to be a real person.
I have seen that for so many years I have been living in my own world and my own comfortable feelings, fake, only seeing the bad things that others have done to me, and I have been thinking about my own difficulties and my own suffering.
In particular, the 6 words "husband is unrighteous and the woman is not obedient" pierces my heart, thinking of my wife accompanying me at such a young age, thinking of her being looked down upon, thinking of us being chased by loan sharks, thinking of the scene where she ran around to borrow money when she had to pay her salary on time and had to repay the bank loan (my wife's headache was committed at that time).
Thinking of the scene where my wife was afraid that I would be uncomfortable and hid in the toilet to cry, all of them were me, I didn't stand up and take it up, I would only blindly choose to escape, fear, and fear, and I always thought that I was very good, I always thought that I was a good man, and I always lived in a comfortable feeling.
I feel a lot of my wife's "suffering", which is caused by my lack of responsibility and responsibility. And my wife, no matter how I treat him, she accompanies me silently, does not cry or make trouble, and always supports me with her actions.
Teacher Zheng Wei said: "Do you love your wife? She believes in you and obeys you, and you really love her." In the past, I always thought that I loved my wife very much, was good to her, and was good to her family, but in fact, what I gave was only the material level, but I didn't feel her inner world with my heart, I always reasoned with her, I avoided it, I did my own thing, I couldn't do it, she came to the end, I wanted too much in my heart, and I didn't know how many pounds and taels I had, and I caused too much harm to my wife, and I didn't know it.
"Wife, I'm sorry, I was wrong, I didn't love you, I was just using you, taking care of the children, helping me run the company, taking care of my father, taking care of my daughter......"
【Editor's Words】
When you see that you don't love, you start to love.
How could I be so selfish, I let her carry such a heavy mountain.
In the past four months, I have slowly felt the hardships of my wife, the hardships my wife has experienced, and I have felt my wife's deep love for me!
Teacher Zheng Wei said: "It's not easy for a woman, carrying five mountains", my wife, not to mention five mountains, I am the kind of mountain that puts the most pressure on her. My selfishness, my evasion, my indifference, and my demands are all pressed on my wife's heart.
At that moment, the tears couldn't fall, and the chest was very painful and painful, and I couldn't breathe.
At that moment, I bravely walked on stage and talked about my wife's difficulty. Bravely express to his wife, bravely bend down to his wife to admit his mistakes, when he bends down, his chest hurts more and is more uncomfortable, and the scenes from the past come to mind.
Wife, you are so beautiful, so fulfilling! Next, get up, love you well for the rest of your life! Love you!
In the courtyard of the temple, I hugged my wife and said to her: Wife, my husband will not run away. At that moment, my wife cried.
Teacher Zheng Wei said: "The man is the head of the family, and it is the responsibility of not leading his wife and children on the road of culture, of course, it is the man!" I was thinking, where have I been all these years, and I have lost everything to my wife, what about courage? Is there shame but not to admit it, to admit it, to admit shame, to know shame and then be brave, to kill shame with bravery. Take out the previous courage (being collected for debts, being looked down upon) when you took responsibility, the previous heart of struggle, and be brave. The core of acknowledging responsibility is: it is my responsibility to be bad in the past. Recognize it, bear it, and stand up. Be a brave man!
Get out of the gray area, go to the red line, unswervingly "cut off the reincarnation", and say goodbye to the past! Persevere! Unswervingly do it, and only after doing it can you know how many pounds and taels you have!
At that moment, I felt my responsibility! I tried my best to stand up to it, to be a man who understands the rules, has rules, abides by the rules, and sets the rules, and becomes a man who stands up to the heavens and the earth! Let women settle down and let women obey your men!
I believe that the road is long and difficult, and there is only one way: persevere, believe!
Give your family a real "home"
Text | Old Wei
The shocking "cultural tour" of Huizhou ended in struggle and reluctance. The cultural journey is also a journey of spiritual return, the destination of the "journey" in life is to go home, to return to the so-called home that is not "home" but has bricks and tiles and life, this "travel" is to find a home, to find the real home of the Chinese, that home full of warmth and selflessness, despite many hardships and tears sprinkled on the way to find home, we still yearn for and are still full of excitement.
The child is an angel, an angel who calls us to wake up, it turns out that it is just a sentence, a slightly comforting sentence, close to love and happiness, read love and happiness, understand love and happiness, integrate love and happiness, and understand more and more that this is not a sentence, this is the truth, even the truth.
If you are not a child, if you don't wake up, you don't know where you will go, and you can't imagine how many torn reincarnations there will be in many worlds that we don't know. The child is an angel, the child is my blessing, and the perfection given to her by God has overcome my ignorance and attachment, and brought me to the right path, with a clear conscience, a calm conscience, a righteous path that can stand up to the heavens and the earth, and can be incomparably beautiful.
Men need to be "empathetic", they need to "feel". I took online and offline classes for a year, and I was at a loss, I felt that I had no feelings, I felt that my shell was thick, and I also had a lot of self-blame and judgment of myself , I know that because of cowardice, because I am not brave, because of avoidance, I dare not face my feelings, whenever I should face my feelings, I have never been quietly with it, but quickly transferred, ran away rationally, or transformed into emotions, I can't see my wife's unhappy face, I will cover it with emotions, and my wife will slowly fall down again and again in not being understood and accepted.
Every time I so-called love and care is for my wife to be happy, she is happy with my feelings, those so-called love has never loved my wife, but I have loved her as a resentful woman, because I have never used my "heart" , That's not my love, that's not her needs, that's just my selfishness, just to pursue my own feelings and even be able to advertise with relatives and friends that I'm a good man's conclusive selfishness, my wife's life is slowly withering in my indiscriminate output, I'm still bitter and hateful, I'm still full of grievances, it's Teacher Zheng Wei who gave me the answer again and again, from not believing, to wanting to understand, to slowly tangled recognition, to seeing the pain of the truth, it's so difficult.
Since I have a memory, what has been deeply engraved in my heart, to make money, to prove myself, so many years have passed, the suffering of the body, the torment of the heart, how many sleepless nights, how much walking on thin ice, but I am still so persistent. Now, when I saw myself and understood the "individualism, utilitarianism, consumerism, and enjoymentism" in Mr. Zheng Wei's comments, these are all "lack of virtue", I realized that I have been living in a gray area, how can bright flowers bloom in the gray area, how can healthy seedlings grow.
I am a "wicked person", a man, no culture, I can't even find my own genealogy and family rules, no role model, at home, the mood is "rules", the mood is good, everyone is happy, the mood is bad, all kinds of emotions come out, there is no awe, life is arbitrary, life is unscrupulous, a man without culture leads the family is a tragedy, a man who does whatever he wants and has no role model leads the family is a disaster, and a man who rules his children and wives with emotions is a disaster for the family.
For so many years, there are no rules in my family, no warmth, no understanding, no selflessness, my wife and children live very miserably, when I write this, my heart is uncomfortable, the feeling is "shame", I don't want to escape, I don't want to stop, bravely face it, shame and then courage, I know this is not a choice question, this is the only option.
I know in my heart that the "clan" and "rules" are far away from me, when I see the name of this camp, my heart is at a loss, but also frightened, when the teacher let me find my own clan rules and family motto in advance, my heart is inferior, uncomfortable, only on the Internet search and random patchwork, who am I, where do I come from, what has been inherited, what should be inherited, I don't know anything, like a grain of dust with the wind north and south, like a duckweed in the water, so miserable, until now, it is also passive to seek, how sad this is.
I am in a small home, I don't even have the most basic warmth and communication, I have no culture, I still live in selfishness, and I have a lot of bad habits, why do I make rules, why do I practice the rules, fortunately, when I come to love and happiness, I am no longer looking for a prescription, looking for a way.
I know that love and happiness are the law, love and happiness itself is a "law", it appears as a law in the era of human need most, it gives us more choices, animal nature and human nature, fear and courage, desire and devotion, ego and selflessness, money and culture, ego and selflessness, anti-heaven and law.
I also know that only by awakening ourselves, practicing firmly, learning to cherish, cherishing every family member, cherishing every opportunity to learn, and cherishing our common spiritual home, can we have true ideals and aspirations, can we truly approach the truth, can we truly move towards the right path, and can we truly meet the light.
Teacher Zheng Wei said, there are five mountains on a woman's body, I feel very uncomfortable, like a fish in my throat, my wife is too bitter, it's not easy, so many years, I have never let her feel important in my heart, I have never let her feel that this man can rely on, I am wrong, I need a lot of repentance, a lot of gratitude.
There is only one mountain in a man, that is, to overcome himself, to grow himself, to surpass himself, maybe it is difficult to face, if you practice it is certainly not difficult, I think of the message that Mr. Zheng Wei of the "Life Growth Camp" gave me: "You don't understand anything, only after doing it, I will understand", after going back, I really practiced all the homework of the tutor, and I also saw so many "I think" is not the truth, and I also feel what is the real "feeling".
Men, who are fierce and inward-looking, commanding, arrogant, and empty-eyed, must not be truly brave, and leaning down, broad-minded, gentle and firm, warm and powerful is what I expect, and it must be my ultimate appearance.
I used to think too much about children, they carried all my desires and fears, and now, thanks to the child's full wisdom, she bravely put aside everything that should not have been endured, and firmly walked her own path, she is a life, an incomparably beautiful life. I won't have any more expectations, because my expectations are not as bright as hers, and that's the truth. The only thing I can do for them is to love their mothers well, grow themselves well, and let them have a real "home".
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