Text/Lan's mother talks about parenting
Children's learning is never "stared" by supervision, only by igniting internal drive, can children complete this topic confidently, positively, and instinctively
In a barber shop where she often goes to cut her hair, the proprietress is a single mother who runs the shop alone, and she has to tutor her daughter every day
It is worth mentioning that this girl has a particularly positive attitude towards learning
She went to school every morning and returned to her mother's shop by herself after school, never lying in bed or losing her temper because her mother was too busy to pick her up
What I envy the most is that the first thing the girl does when she returns to the store from school is not to play with her mobile phone or eat, but to consciously take out a book from her schoolbag and then start to concentrate on her homework
There is no need for adults to worry about the whole process, and only when there are problems that they can't do and when they need it, they will ask for her mother's help
Every time I see such a worry-free scene, I am very envious
When asked for parenting tips, the proprietress also generously shared with me: "Raising a child who learns actively depends on accumulated habits and using the right way"
Indeed, good habits will make children more conscious, and when used correctly, children will quickly become addicted to learning
Recalling the past experience of raising a baby, combined with the parenting experience of the barber shop proprietor, Lan Ma summarized 5 ways to make children addicted to learning, I hope it can be helpful to everyone:
01
Purify the learning environment
Reduce the likelihood of your child being disturbed
As the saying goes: good habits are hard to cultivate, and bad habits can be easily influenced by just one behavior
The truth behind this undoubtedly lies in the influence of the environment
There are two mothers who have a good relationship, and they take their children to play with each other every week
The first mother, named Yanyan, has only one daughter
The second mother, named Xiuxiu, has two daughters, the eldest daughter is a classmate of Yanyan's daughter, and the younger daughter is 4 years apart
When the two mothers first met, Yanyan's daughter was a good student, her home was full of awards, and she actively wrote her homework after school every day, basically "I don't eat until my homework is finished"
On the other hand, Xiuxiu's two daughters have endless fights and endless mouths every day, and they can't remember how many times they repeatedly nag just by saying "hurry up and do your homework" every day
Thinking that the two mothers have a good relationship, the age difference between the children is not big, and the two families are not far away, they get together every weekend
At the beginning, I was looking forward to Yanyan's daughter's three good students, who could drive Xiuxiu's two daughters' interest in learning
But when several children really get together, no matter how active the three good students are, they can't resist the temptation of playfulness
For several nights, the adults in the family went to sleep, and the children played until the early hours of the morning without sleeping
After a few weeks, Yanyan stopped taking her daughter to Xiuxiu's house
In her words: "The child still studies hard in his own home behind closed doors, and when several children get together, they don't have the mind at all"
It can be seen that the influence of the surrounding environment is very important for children's interest in learning, especially the influence of the family
Take Yanyan as an example, the reason why her daughter has the positive energy of "finishing her homework first and then eating" is indispensable behind her mother's companionship and influence
Especially at the beginning, the child always wanted to play when she came home from school, and in order to motivate her to "write first and then play", the two of them made a time agreement: "If you can finish your homework before meals, you will decide the time after meals"
So, in order to let her mother play paper-cutting games with her, her daughter has the perseverance of "finishing her homework first and then eating".
Over time, over time, behavior becomes instinctive, and it also becomes a habit of writing homework every day
Therefore, the first condition for children to become addicted to learning is to purify the environment
As much as possible to reduce the probability of children being distracted, under the influence of the autonomous environment of "what to do when and when", children will slowly turn behavior into habits, and naturally form learning as part of their daily interests
02
Use instant feedback
Let children look forward to learning
Do you know why children are addicted to games and reluctant to put down their mobile phones as soon as they get their hands on them?
The principle is simple
In fact, this is mainly because the game captures the challenge desire of human nature, and makes people more and more addicted to play through the "simple and difficult" mode
Just like when you're playing a game, the first few rounds are often very simple and easy to win
At this time, you will have a sense of expectation in your heart that "I am so good", and in order to prove that you can be more powerful, it is often imperative for the next task to break through
Especially after the experience and growth of the first few games, the game mode that is familiar with the road, and the temptation of "almost upgrading", it is naturally easy for people to forget to sleep and eat and become addicted
It's called instant feedback, and at the end of each game, there will be a targeted score, even if it is a win or a loss, so that people can know where they lost and where they can get up and continue to win back the game
If we grasp this, wouldn't it be wonderful to use them in children's learning?
Just do it, this method is used in the stage of "as soon as you talk about doing homework, your daughter will be annoyed".
During that time, she was particularly frustrated because of the problem of "being slow in writing homework and often being left in school".
Every day when I go home, I complain to the teacher, and if I say "it's all for your own good" again, then the next thing is "shut up, don't say anything" low yell
Later, I learned to put a zipper on my mouth, not to be stingy with compliments, and to only say positive things to my children
When my daughter takes her schoolbag and prepares to do her homework, I will praise him: "Why are you so positive, think about the beginning, my mother came home from school when she was a child and was focused on playing"
After hearing this, my daughter behaved more actively, and she would actively discuss the problems she encountered when she couldn't do her homework
In order to give my daughter a clearer understanding of her studies, I also drew a grade curve for her
In addition to the unit tests at school, every practice paper and homework question that you usually do at home is graded and then posted in a prominent position on the study desk
When looking at the upward trend of the score graph, my daughter will jump excitedly a few times, and then continue to say confidently: "I will take a higher score next time"
Therefore, the way to make children addicted to learning is to make them look forward to and confident in their next learning
For example, when a child is making progress, give a positive message in a timely manner to make the child feel happy with the current experience so that they can not wait for the next learning
03
Motivation to learn
Let the child see progress and growth
One mother told me that when her daughter was in fifth grade, her teacher recommended that she take a reading aloud club class
After a year of training and growth, I was honored to be selected as the moderator in a reading aloud activity
When the girl came home, she happily told her about it
But the mother, who knew her daughter's timid and introverted personality, asked worriedly: "Are you okay, will you be nervous, what if you forget the words by then?"
A series of words of concern, although it is worried that it will be nervous
But it was precisely because of these words that the girl who was full of confidence suddenly became negative
When I got home the next day, my mother asked again with concern: "Have you memorized the lines", but the girl told her: "I have already told the teacher that I don't want to participate"
When the mother heard this, she became angry, and she began to accuse her daughter of what a good opportunity, why are you so stupid?
Unexpectedly, the girl directly asked, "Don't you think I can't do it?"
At that moment, the mother regretted it, and she also understood that the child needs encouragement
The same goes for the way we keep our kids addicted to learning
I remember my daughter once came home and told me, "I was laughed at in the school relay today, and they all thought I was holding back"
Seeing my daughter's depressed appearance, I comforted her and said, "You just didn't play well for a while, and if you have another chance, you will definitely not be at the bottom."
Daughter asks "Really"
I replied, "Really, for sure."
Sure enough, after some time, my daughter was pleasantly surprised to tell me that their group finished second in the relay race
This is the meaning of recognition, you can let your child see where he is progressing and growing, and their subconscious will think "I can", "I can do it", and then continue to improve themselves in self-confidence
04
Intensify Moments of Glory
Awaken the awakening of children's mobility
A friend told me that he saw a teacher sharing a story about helping children develop their inner drive
The boy is a lazy character when he writes an essay, and every time he finishes his other homework, he doesn't know where to start writing the essay
At first, the teacher thought that the child's writing level needed to be improved, and he also purchased a large number of excellent essays as a reference, but the effect was minimal
Until one time, he saw that one of his children's small essays was well written, so he casually published it on the Internet
Unexpectedly, this little essay was well received, and the child was too happy to see that the reading volume was still rising
In the days that followed, as soon as the homework was finished, I would write the essay spontaneously
When I mentioned this, I suddenly thought of Lan Ma's little daughter, who was in kindergarten, and was addicted to playing games for a while
The more I stopped, the more she tried her best to sneak around, and when I criticized her, she was unconvinced and vented her dissatisfaction
Later, on a whim, she drew one of the game's favorite characters, Kulomi
When I looked at the seven- or eight-point portraits, I was amazed and said, "It's so good, it's so beautiful."
In order to let more people see my daughter's paintings, I also specially posted a circle of friends
After a few days, when my daughter heard from several relatives that others praised her painting, her daughter's enthusiasm for painting was even higher
When I got home, I stopped playing games and tried to draw different characters every day
Sometimes when she is tired of drawing, she will move the small blackboard at home to the balcony, and let me list some calculation problems for her to play the games taught by the teacher
When she was happy, she couldn't help but say: "It's not more fun than playing with a mobile phone", and then said to me: "Mom, in the future, when you have time, you can play with me and teach your classmates."
This is the meaning of reinforcing children's moments of glory, which is suitable for children as well as for adults
Whenever my eldest daughter shows progress or receives a certificate, I will give her obvious recognition of action, such as giving her a bouquet of snacks to celebrate her progress, or posting the award certificate in a prominent place in the living room...
It is worth mentioning that this method of strengthening the sense of honor not only subtly changes the child's laziness, but also awakens the child's "I still have to do that" action awakening
05
Meet the underlying needs
Be tolerant, understanding, and supportive when you are frustrated
There are no children who are born with a hate to read, and those who feel frustrated, irritable, and anxious about learning are just a lack of stamina for their lack of self-identity
There is a small hair, since he was a child, he likes to draw, especially sketches, which are simply vivid and pleasing to the eye
But her mother thinks: "Painting can't be used as food, it's better to read more books and do more practice problems when you have time to paint"
In order to avoid affecting her academic performance, her mother confiscated all her painting books and burned dozens of paintings that she had treasured before
As a result, my mother's excessive utilitarian distinction did not change the fact that she was biased
Especially after high school, the pressure of competition is great, coupled with the criticism and nagging that my mother often surrounds my ears at that time, I was small and good at studying, but I crushed myself because the goals I set for myself were too big
In the year of the college entrance examination, although I was not admitted to a prestigious school, I was also admitted to a good local college
But these, in Fa Xiao's opinion, are simply evidence that she is too bad
Because my mother often gets: "It's just a dozen points short, otherwise you can be admitted to a school"
The repeated blows also made the already fragile heart completely collapse
In the end, Fa Xiao gave up the opportunity to go to college, and she wanted to prove to her mother that "I am not bad" with practical actions, so she suffered a lot and took a lot of detours
Until now, when she recalled this incident, she finally said with regret on her face:
"If I had a mother who could understand, encourage, and tolerate me, would it be a different life now?"
From this, it can also be seen that a person's expectations and plans for the future probably come from the growth experience of childhood
If you live in a positive environment that loves learning, you are also full of expectations and yearning for the future
If you live in an environment where you can't even make decisions, you will not only be haunted by the past, but also confused and anxious about the future
Therefore, whether it is a child's learning or future life planning, if you want your child to be interested in themselves, their learning, and their future, you need to meet their underlying needs first
When children feel frustrated or lost because of something, they must be given timely tolerance, understanding and support
For example, allowing children to have their own interests and hobbies and make their own decisions, under this self-efficacy of giving themselves to themselves and making themselves themselves, children's initiative and enthusiasm are naturally driven
So, what are the different suggestions and opinions on some ways to make children addicted to learning? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to share!