My friend complained to me that he was always "pinched" by the people around him.
In the company, she is known for being a good talker and always trying to take care of everyone's emotions.
We dare not refuse other people's demands, and we dare not fight back against other people's ridicule.
Sometimes, she worked hard to complete a project, but because she was afraid of being told that she liked to ask for credit, she never dared to take the initiative to report to the leader.
After working for many years, she worked diligently, but she never got the treatment she deserved, which made her very distressed.
Many people are surrounded by people who:
is accustomed to accommodating others in everything, never daring to refuse, and as a result, he is always called and drunk;
If you make a small mistake, you will continue to wear out and exhaust yourself;
They were not incompetent, but they were afraid to do things, and as a result, everyone decided that they could not be held accountable......
If you look closely, you will find that those who are treated unfairly in life always seem to think of themselves as "weak".
Why is that?
In fact, this is not a simple coincidence, but because: when you feel weak and powerless in your heart, it is easy to put yourself in a lower position than others.
Even if you encounter injustice and suffering, you don't have the courage to resist and change.
In interpersonal relationships, everyone longs to be recognized and liked, but forgets that human nature is "strong".
The heavier the "weak breath" aura in a person's body, the less respect they deserve, and the more bad things they have around them.
In "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist", there is a scene that has left a deep impression on many people:
Mr. Toad is a person with a weak personality, and once he took time off work to rest at home because of emotional problems.
When the badger found out, he took the opportunity to stir up trouble and wanted to take away his position on the school board.
The badger first came to the door and counted Mr. Toad mercilessly.
Then, he said to Mr. Toad proudly: "I hope you can take the initiative to resign and give me the position of school director." ”
Mr. Toad listened to the badger's words and was very angry. But looking at the powerful badger, he still replied humbly: "Please give me a few days to think about it." ”
The next day, Mr. Toad dragged his tired body to Heron, a psychological counselor. He asked the heron: "Why are you so unlucky, always being bullied?" ”
苍鹭回答道:
Because you always cooperate with each other and play a game of 'poor and weak me'. In this game, the weaker you behave, the easier it is to attract the malice of others.
Mr. Toad suddenly realized. It was not someone else who really got himself into trouble, but himself.
Back to reality, how many people have made the same mistake:
knew that the other party's request was unreasonable, but he didn't dare to refuse, and would rather suppress his own needs, and as a result, he was wronged;
knows that the other party is deliberately making things difficult for himself, but he just wants to calm things down. As a result, he was judged to be a bully and was hurt again and again......
Many times, we always think that easy-going and kindness are the lubricant of relationships.
But he ignores that the most cruel "law of the jungle" in getting along with others is to bully the weak and fear the hard.
If you don't know how to refuse, you are likely to be overly demanded.
If you go against the grain, you will be overly oppressed.
When you are accustomed to lowering yourself and conforming to others, you will be imprisoned in the mentality of "I am weak" and lose the ability to defend your own interests.
Psychologist Zhang Defen said:
"When you feel like everybody is on top, it's because you have a low ego within you. When you have the need to be despised by others, you will be manipulated by others. ”
You know, everything we feel comes from the reflection of our hearts.
If you label yourself as a "weakling", you can easily fall into the abyss of self-doubt and miss out on opportunities that belong to you.
When a writer first started working, he suffered a lot because of his weak personality.
In front of others, she never dared to act strong, for fear of leaving a bad impression.
Because of this, she is often robbed of credit and taken advantage of by others. Some of her colleagues looked at her as talkative and blatantly pried away her clients.
During that time, she often felt that she was being suppressed and exploited by others, but she was powerless.
Once, the newspaper vacated a position as editor-in-chief, and she wanted to fight for it, but she was afraid that others would say that she was not up to her capacity.
So, she ran to the leader and asked if she could participate in the campaign.
After hearing this, the leader was very puzzled and said, "You obviously meet the requirements in all aspects, why do you need my permission?"
Only then did she realize that it was not others but herself who had been subjecting her to others.
Since then, she has gradually lost the mentality of being a weak person and taken the initiative to fight for her own interests, but her popularity has become better, and her work has become smoother and smoother.
If you are always in a role of being oppressed and sacrificed in a relationship, it is most likely because you put yourself in a lower position.
It is this "weak man's atmosphere" that gives the other party the upper hand again and again.
Remember: In this world, other people's attitudes towards you are based on your own permission.
Never help someone else to suppress yourself.
Only by guarding one's bottom line and living with an angle can one exude a high-energy aura from the inside out and attract a higher frequency of good deeds to happen.
There is a "self-fulfilling prophecy" in psychology: what you see in your heart is what kind of person you will become.
The way we perceive ourselves influences our behavior and inner energy.
Always "show people with weakness", it is easy to cling and please, and in the end it is inevitable to draw the ground as a prison and complain about the sky.
Quit the "weak mentality" and often give yourself positive hints in order to change the status quo and harvest a richer self:
(1) Don't use "I'm not worthy" to consume yourself
Recall that you have ever felt like this:
In the face of other people's praise, not only will you not feel happy, but you will also feel panic;
Whatever you do, always look ahead and hesitate. As a result, many opportunities are missed;
In the face of challenges, I never dare to take the initiative, afraid that once I fail, others will find out how bad my true self is......
Why is this happening?
Psychologists point out that this is because when we decide that we are "unworthy" from the bottom of our hearts, we habitually deny ourselves.
I can't help but put many labels on myself: "I don't deserve better" and "I can only do this".
Let go of the inner dare and can't, and look at yourself with a positive eye, so that you can get everything you want.
(2) Don't crush yourself with "it's all my fault".
Many people have had this experience:
If you say something wrong, others will start to depreciate yourself before they find out, and if you do something wrong, the leader will start to criticize yourself before she has spoken.
When you accumulate more and more thoughts of "I'm not good enough", it is easy to fall into a low-energy state of "powerlessness" in life.
Only by getting rid of negative hints to yourself and having positive psychological dialogues often can you lose the "powerlessness" in your heart.
When you get stuck, don't say to yourself, "Why am I so stupid?" or "If only I had done this at the time."
It's about telling yourself, "Everyone can make mistakes" and "I'll do better next time."
(3) Cultivating the "strong mindset"
There are two ways of thinking in people: one is fixed thinking and the other is growth thinking.
People with fixed thinking think that life is a proof question.
Any denial from others proves that they are "losers", which keeps them living in anxiety and running away from all challenges.
People with a growth mindset don't set limits on themselves, but treat growth as a lifelong career.
When problems come to them, they tell themselves that all difficulties are temporary and can be changed, and that even if they can't be solved, they can accumulate experience.
In fact, this is the difference between "strong thinking" and "weak thinking".
If we are accustomed to pinning all our self-worth on the opinions and evaluations of others, it is easy to be humble and flattering, and only by looking at ourselves objectively and rationally can we have a strong heart.
No matter what the moment is, as long as you believe that you are malleable and can change, you will have the courage to face setbacks.
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People mentions two concepts: the "circle of influence" and the "circle of attention".
The circle of attention refers to things in the outside world, such as: weather, environment, other people's attitudes;
Circles of influence refer to things that we can control, such as thinking, mindset, skills......
When a person puts his energy into the circle of attention that cannot be changed, it is easy to regard himself as the bearer of life and passively face everything in the outside world.
Only by focusing on the circle of influence and paying attention to what you can change can you regain your inner sense of control.
The real strong person does not have the power to control everything, but has the ability to distinguish problems.
Change what you can change, accept what you can't control, and become the leader of life rather than the victim.
Believe that you have the ability to solve problems and become the ferryman of your own life.