It has been said, "The one who is alone is stronger." ”
It was also said, "The flame is high when everyone gathers firewood, and everyone rows to drive a big boat." ”
Many people have their own opinions about being gregarious and being alone, and each has its own reasons.
In fact, being gregarious and ungregarious is not a contradiction, but can exist in a person's body at the same time, and is a person's specific manifestation in different time periods.
You can be alone in the morning and read a book slowly. In the morning, I went to the unit and talked and laughed with the customer. In the evening, a person sits quietly and watches the sun set. At night, talk to old friends and go to bed. Being in a group and being alone is constantly switching.
Facts have proved that we cannot completely leave the group, and living in groups is one of the human nature, and it is also necessary to work and make money.
Next, let's talk about how to make good interpersonal relationships, in the group, to be able to get along, but not to lose yourself.
Inviting guests to dinner and giving gifts, as a traditional social mode, are not easy to use in the current busy life. Everyone is busy, the standard of living has improved, so naturally they don't care much about a meal, and many people don't want to show their heads. Gift-giving, in the case of a not very good relationship, is to give a "hot potato", which makes people avoid it.
Dale Carnegie, the guru of socializing, said, "A man who does not pay attention to small things will never succeed in big things." ”
It seems that the key to socializing has to start from small things, from some details, to touch people's hearts.
01
Take the initiative to show weakness and stimulate the "empathy" of the other party.
Do you slowly think about it, are there more weak people or more strong people who have helped you?
Maybe you are not rich, but when you meet poor people, you will still help them, after all, you can't bear it.
When the poor person is developed in the future, and comes to you again, you must be very happy, and the future interaction will be very beautiful.
"Helping others for pleasure" is one of human natures. But we don't want to help people who have a lot of money, but people who are poorer than ourselves. When you meet a strong person, maybe you still hate the rich and hate the official, don't talk about any help; when you meet someone who is equal to yourself, that is to cooperate and benefit each other.
On the other hand, if you yourself are weak, is it easy to get help?
During the Tang Dynasty, there was a young man named Ma Zhou, who had no parents since he was a child, but he was very good at reading.
Bozhou stabbed Shi Daxi and asked Ma Zhou to be his staff, but Ma Zhou was arrogant and often drank. Thorn Shi reprimanded him mercilessly, and then he was very faceless and gave up his job.
When Ma Zhou arrived in the capital, he stayed at the widow Wang's house.
Ma Zhou said: "Xiaosheng is willing to be a guest of the museum, but there is no way to cast his ears. ”
When Wang Yuan heard this, she relented, and introduced Ma Zhou to Chang Zhonglang of the imperial court.
Later, after Chang Zhonglang's recommendation, Ma Zhou was appreciated by Tang Taizong and became the prime minister;
When we talk about this good story, we should see that Ma Zhou's career and love all originate from the word "show weakness".
He showed weakness to a woman and explained that he was in distress, so he was helped. If you don't show weakness and are self-righteous, I'm afraid the ending will be reversed.
Dale Carnegie once said, "Compassion is a precious quality that will always earn you the respect of others." ”
Use the real situation to win the sympathy of the other party, and after getting help, rise quickly, then your social relationship will not be in vain.
Others give you favors, you return favors in time, come and go, and the relationship will last for a long time.
02
Precise help to leave a "good impression" of getting along.
The ancients said, "Don't take the good as small and do nothing, and don't take the evil as small." ”
What can touch people's hearts is not necessarily a vigorous event, not a deliberate good thing, but often some trivial things in life.
You take out a hundred dollars and give it to someone, who is very ambitious and insists on being independent, and you think you're putting on a show. Spending money can't buy goodwill.
You also have to work hard from the details of life, and you will help what others need, rather than "taking it for granted".
Writer Li Xiaoyi wrote a story.
When he was sick, he dialed the phone number of his assistant Zhang Fang.
Zhang Fang took him to the hospital, registered, arranged injections, etc.
Suddenly, a detail moved him particularly - Zhang Fang observed for a long time in front of several windows where the injection was given, and found that the nurse at window No. 8 was very patient and gentle, and the injection was not so painful. So, he went to the No. 8 window, and he was originally "faint", but this time it went well.
A small detail that people will never forget, and it also makes people trust each other more.
We often say: "Fighting rice raises hatred, and bowl rice raises grace." ”
The bowl of rice is smaller, but the kindness is greater. This tells us that to keep a good relationship, not to invest hugely, but to invest accurately.
You give a rich man a thousand dollars, and they don't care, and you give a poor mother a hundred dollars, and they are grateful. Spend less money, have a stronger human touch, and that's the problem of accuracy.
What others need happens to be what you give, and you are a real well-wisher.
03
Frequent greetings increase the "stickiness" of the relationship.
There is a saying in "Journey to the West": "If you don't come to the door for three years, you won't be a kiss." ”
Hundreds of years ago, Sun Wukong befriended the Bull Demon King.
But for hundreds of years, the two people did not have contact.
When Sun Wukong met the son of the Bull Demon King, he immediately thought of finding the Bull Demon King. Monk Sha was very sober and knew that the Bull Demon King would not buy it, so he reminded Sun Wukong not to ask for "familiar strangers".
We also have a saying among the people: "If you don't burn incense at ordinary times, you will hold Buddha's feet temporarily." ”
If you don't greet people for a year, and suddenly make a phone call and ask for money, it's too impersonal, and most of you will be rejected.
Those who have not been in contact for three years are exempt from opening their mouths if they borrow money. People still think you're a liar. Perhaps, the phone has changed owners, and the person who answers the phone is not the acquaintance you want to contact.
We don't have time to visit the door often, and everyone is quite disgusted by the habit of visiting the door. But we can often greet each other, send a blessing WeChat, ask each other about their work, like each other's circle of friends, and leave a message.
Move your fingers, and people thousands of miles away will also feel your concern, and they have always maintained a state of knowing each other.
04
To do a good job in social relations is not to do something rigidly, but to do some small things with heart and affection to convey warmth.
You must know that you unintentionally plant willows and willows, and intentionally plant flowers and flowers.
You must know that every day there is a lot of effort, that is, "unintentional willows".
People's hearts are flesh and blood, and when they encounter a warm spring breeze, they will open their hearts and take the initiative to accept them.
Be a person like a spring breeze, even if you meet a stranger, give him a smile.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.