Author: 11
来 源:正和岛(ID:zhenghedao)
In life, we will always encounter all kinds of misfortunes.
Some people are 35 years old and unemployed, old and young, and have car loans and mortgages, and they are so anxious that they can't sleep all night.
Some people are full of enthusiasm for the future, but at the beginning of their lives, they are unexpectedly attacked by an illness.
There are also people who are working hard and about to usher in a happy life, but they receive the news of the departure of their loved ones.
Loss, unwillingness, regret, remorse, struggle, despair...... There is no such thing as an eternally smooth life, and we will always encounter pain.
In the face of the impermanence of fate, how can we rekindle hope and confidence in life? In the face of these frustrations and setbacks, how should we reconcile with ourselves and find the courage to survive?
There is a story of one person who may be able to give you some healing, and he is Shi Tiesheng.
Suffering is a conspicuous label on Shi Tiesheng, who fell into the endless abyss of disease at the best of 21 years, first paralyzed in both legs, and then entangled in sepsis, uremia, and kidney dysfunction. But he said, I am the luckiest person in the world.
He found a spiritual habitat in his long despair, and that was the altar of earth. Later, this book "Me and the Altar of Earth" gave countless people the courage to survive the trough and became the spiritual residence of more people.
As he said, "I am no longer at the altar of the earth, but the altar of the earth is with me." ”
Source: "Broken Pen in the Sick Gap"
1. About friendship
At the end of twenty-one, my legs completely betrayed me, and I didn't die, it was all thanks to friendship. - "Me and the Altar of Earth"
Friendship is Shi Tiesheng's lucky charm. Whenever he felt that he was unlucky, many friends always jumped out to give him warmth and comfort.
At the age of 21, Shi Tiesheng was admitted to the Friendship Hospital, and at this time, he fought the disease for the first time, lost both legs, and was immersed in great grief and despair.
Luckily, he has a lot of friends. Every morning, he reads quietly in front of the window of the ward. As soon as noon passed, I looked straight down the street, especially at the young people riding bicycles and the No. 5 bus stop, hoping for my friends to come.
Then friends came, bringing books, bringing news from outside, bringing comfort and joy, bringing new friends. New friends brought new friends, and then they all became old friends.
At the age of 29, Stetson had a high fever and serious kidney problems, and doctors feared that he would not survive that winter. It was these friends who carried Shi Tiesheng to the Friendship Hospital, discussing how to snatch people from the hands of death and how to explain to Shi Tiesheng's father.
In 1990, Yu Hua, Mo Yan, and Liu Zhenyun carried Shi Tiesheng on the train and went to the Shenyang Academy of Literature to give lectures to students, and participated in a football match by the way.
They put Stetson in a wheelchair as a goalkeeper and said, "You just stay here for us and hold the ball."
Yu Hua also said to the player opposite, "If you kick Tie Sheng, he is likely to be kicked to death by you."
Everyone is taboo to mention Shi Tiesheng's legs, only his friends, who still regard him as a high-spirited and able-bodied teenager.
Stetson once wrote, "I was the worst, but happiest goalkeeper." ”
In 2023, the second season of "I Read on the Island" will be broadcast. At one point, writer Nishikawa accidentally mentioned "wheelchairs". Yu Hua suddenly looked lonely and muttered: "Tie Sheng is no longer there, Tie Sheng is no longer there."
At this time, it has been more than ten years since Shi Tiesheng's death. And another writer, Su Tong, also said on the show: "I love Tiesheng very much, in a sense, I carry him on my back, and I carry a literary holy soul on my back."
No matter what time it is, Shi Tiesheng is always remembered by his friends, because he can always find positive meaning in the negative, and can always treat life with an optimistic attitude.
He met a similarly frustrated friend at the Temple of Earth, and the two of them often stayed in the garden until dark, scolded each other, and told each other when they parted: don't die first, and try to live again.
After he fell ill, his friends went to visit him, and everyone thought that he would tell about his miserable life and lament the impermanence of fate. As a result, Shi Tiesheng talked about sports from literature, from sports to tourism, from delicious food to fun.
He even chatted and cooked for everyone once, sitting in a wheelchair while stir-frying, talking and laughing. At that meal, several old friends burst into tears.
This is an extremely simple and powerful spiritual power: no matter what difficulties we encounter, no matter what difficulties we face, no matter what difficulties we face, we must be able to sit down and eat well.
The pessimists are right, and the optimists move forward. Your anxiety in the present moment will not solve the problems of the future. Only by grasping the present and facing it positively can we survive the trough and see the dawn of tomorrow.
You know, even if the sun is obscured by dark clouds today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow...... We can always see the sunrise again.
2. On suffering
I often think that fools cite wise men. I often think it's a coward who shines on the hero. I often think that sentient beings have transformed the Buddha. - "Me and the Altar of Earth"
Suffering is really nothing to Shi Tiesheng. He said, "Since the suffering has pushed me to the edge of the cliff, let me sit down on the edge of the cliff, and look at the mist under the cliff, and sing a song to you." ”
There are 12 wards in the neurology ward of Friendship Hospital, except for No. 1 and No. 2, the other ten Shi Tiesheng have lived. When he was helped into the ward by his father for the first time, he thought to himself: either he is good or he dies, and he must not come out like this again.
In the days when he was waiting for the judgment of fate, he also folded his hands and made a vow to the gods in a loud voice.
All the doctors told him not to worry, but he couldn't help it. I can only watch the old man in a hospital gown pacing the grass and basking in the sun every day, "As long as this is the case, I think as long as it is like this!
Or maybe he went to the meadow in his wheelchair and looked out the windows of the other wards and wondered who lived behind the glass?
He also prayed to God that he would have a tumor in his spine, a well-intentioned tumor, or simply a vicious tumor, a deadly one.
Either live healthy or die.
However, Stetson's hopes were dashed. There was no tumor in his spine, but a spinal cord problem, and his legs could never be restored. He didn't say a word all day, lying on the bed, his heart blank.
A doctor told him that it was better to read a book, and that a person should not live in vain for a day. This sentence saved Shi Tiesheng's soul, but in fact, this sentence is applicable to everyone.
In these uncertain times, it's easy to lose control of our lives.
In the face of regret and frustration, how should we seek peace inward?
The only way to reconcile is to reconcile with oneself and to one's suffering.
Don't wallow in grief in the face of sudden doom and misfortune. Slowly do something, and slowly have a sense of interest and value in life.
Shi Tiesheng said, "After the catastrophe, people should not lose their sharpness, they should not lose their heat, you are calm but still burning, you are stable but more powerful"......
If you have a lot of regrets in this life, when you are unlucky, you might as well think about the next life. It's okay to imagine (or even design) your afterlife as you like, and it doesn't hurt to think about it anyway.
For example, in the next life, you must be smart, beautiful and have a good body, and have a smooth love and marriage, but then there is no hope and pursuit, so you still need a little deficiency, such as having an illness and falling into despair, but a miracle happened and completely restored to health.
After experiencing a catastrophe, it may be true happiness. Bitter and sweet, this may be the most crucial way to good luck.
As long as it's bitter and sweet, it's okay, it's okay, you're sick, you're out of love, you're beaten...... As long as it can be bitter and sweet, it's not a bad thing. In fact, it doesn't need to be very sweet, as long as the bitterness is enough.
But what about the bitter sweetness? We also have to have new hopes and pursuits. But what is the purpose of this life's pursuit, what is the meaning, where are we going, what is our purpose, where is our happiness, and only the process.
Shi Tiesheng said that the meaning of life lies in the fact that you can create the beauty and wonder of this process, and the value of life lies in the fact that you can calmly and excitedly appreciate the beauty and tragedy of this process.
But unless you see the emptiness of purpose, you can enter this aesthetic state, and unless you see the despair of purpose, you can find this aesthetic salvation.
If you are in the midst of bad luck, don't be in a hurry to grieve, because bad luck will not stop you from creating a wonderful process.
If you're now stuck in a sense of meaningless nothingness because of your good fortune, try to create a subtle process.
3. About life
Death is a thing that does not need to be rushed, it is a thing that will not be missed no matter how much it is delayed, and it is a festival that will inevitably come. - "Me and the Altar of Earth"
Life is a question that is always worth exploring. For Shi Tiesheng, he has thought about life and death countless times.
In the first few years after his legs were crippled, Stetson couldn't find a job, couldn't find a way out, and suddenly couldn't find anything. He had attempted suicide three times and became moody, discouraged, and unable to find a reason to live.
One day, he entered the garden in a wheelchair, and in the quiet light that filled the garden, he saw time and himself. For the next many years, he stayed in Ditan Park and hid in another world.
"The wall of the garden cut diagonally into the golden air, and I drove my wheelchair in, put the back of the chair down, sat or lay down, read a book or think about things, pouting a branch and slapping it from side to side, to drive away the little insects who, like me, do not understand why they came to this world."
Shi Tiesheng pondered about life and death for a long time in Ditan Park, thought about it for several years, and finally figured it out:
When a man is born, this is no longer a matter of debate, but only a fact given to him by God, who has in passing assured of its outcome when he gives us this fact, so that death is a matter that does not need to be rushed, and death is a festival that will inevitably come.
The rest is a question of how to live.
He first got a job painting on antique furniture, but as his illness worsened, he focused on writing. In 1981, 30-year-old Shi Tiesheng published "Autumn Remembrance" to commemorate his deceased mother, which shocked the literary world.
He wrote 20 short stories, 2 novels, 6 novellas, 18 essays, and 2 film scripts in his lifetime, and won awards such as the Lu Xun Literature Award and the Lao She Prose Award.
"Me and the Temple of Earth" is widely regarded as one of the best Chinese essays of the 20th century.
After losing both legs, in 1998, Shi Tiesheng suffered from uremia and underwent dialysis every other day, three times a week, for four and a half hours each time.
This daily routine lasted for a full 12 years, until the arteries and veins bulged into earthworm-like shapes, until he stopped breathing.
He once joked with reporters: "My profession is to be sick and write a little bit in my spare time." He even teased himself as having uremia: "The landing gear (two legs) and the engine (two kidneys) failed together. ”
At 3:46 a.m. on the last day of 2010, Shi Tiesheng stopped his heartbeat at the Armed Police Hospital at the age of 59. His last wish was brief, "no funeral ceremonies for the remains, organ donation for medical research".
Nine hours later, Stetson's liver awoke in another person's body. According to his last wishes, his spine and brain were donated to medical research.
He once said, "Death is a great festival." ”
At the funeral, Shi Tiesheng's wife Chen Ximi asked everyone: first, not to bring wreaths and couplets, second, to bring beautiful flowers, and third, to wear beautiful clothes.
A friend came with a heart-shaped bouquet of 60 red roses, a basket of red cherries, and a huge birthday cake with a big "60" and "Tie Sheng, go well" painted with cream, all with smiles.
made his funeral a huge event, and Shi Tiesheng's life journey became complete at this moment.
At the age of 21, his legs were paralyzed, and he struggled with illness for 38 years, suffering most of his life, but his mind was sound and clear, and he was always full of enthusiasm for life and life. Yu Hua said that he was a person who had no ill will towards the world, and he didn't even complain.
He was born with a bitter life, but he danced with suffering, praising the world and praising life with a smile on his face. He said:
"But the sun, he is the setting sun and the rising sun all the time. When he walked down the mountain to collect the desolate afterglow, it was when he burned on the other side and climbed up to the top of the mountain to spread the blazing sunrise. On that day, I will also walk quietly down the hill, holding on to my crutches. One day, in a mountain depression, a cheerful child will run up and hold his toy."
"Of course, that's not me".
"But, isn't that me"?
Life goes on forever, it always has been, hasn't it?
Excerpt from Shi Tiesheng's golden sentence
01. If you look to the future from the position of your childhood, you will say that your future is uncertain, you will say that you have a bright future, but if you stand at the end and look at the trajectory of your life, you can only see one path, you can only see one path of destiny.
02. For the first time in many years, I realized that not only did I have ruts everywhere in this garden, but also my mother's footprints wherever my ruts were.
03. At that time, her son was too young to think about his mother, he was overwhelmed by fate, thinking that he was the most unfortunate one in the world, not knowing that his son's misfortune was always doubled by his mother.
04. In fact, we are lucky at every moment, because any disaster may be preceded by another word "more".
05. People sometimes just want to be alone and quiet for a while. Grief becomes enjoyment.
06. I haven't forgotten anything, but there are some things that are only suitable for collections. You can't say it, you can't think about it, but you can't forget it.
07. One day one will find himself alone alone.
08. The day of the dilemma may be the time when there is no other cave, which can almost be regarded as a law.
09. Look at the suspicions of others like ghost fires, and boldly go on your night path.
10. I have come to me through time, through landscapes, through the countryside and the city, and likewise through others, through all others and the thoughts and dreams that arise from them. Everything on that way, some of which passed me by, and some of which were permanently settled in my soul, carved me, shaped me, tempered me, merged into me and became me.
11. In the confusion of science, in the chaotic point of fate, man can only beg for his own spirit. Whatever we believe, it is the description and guidance of our own spirit.
12. God never gives to anyone the words "the happiest," but He sets an eternal distance in front of the desires of all people, and gives each person a limit fairly. If happiness cannot be understood on the endless road beyond one's own limitations, then Stetson's inability to run is exactly the same as Lewis's inability to run faster, both of which are the source of frustration and pain.
13. Man's homeland is not limited to a specific piece of land, but a vast mood, not limited by space and time, and once this mood is evoked, it means that you have returned to your homeland.
14. No one knows what will be inside a door that has not been opened, but from two doors will go into two different worlds, and even the two worlds will never intersect.
15. Faith, since it does not require prior promises, does not need to be complimented afterwards, and its grace can only be received in times of suffering.
16. Constant suffering is the cause of the constant need for faith, and this is the principle of faith, which should not be changed in the slightest.
17. The meaning of life is not sought outwardly, but established inwardly.
18. A person can ignore today, there is no tomorrow, but he will always see yesterday. No yesterday equals no life. Yesterday can refer to the day before today, or it can refer to all the times before today.
19. I stand today and imagine the past and fantasize about the future, and the past and the future intersect at will today, so that both the past and the future blow the wind of the present.
20. All conscious lives are transformed by consciousness, they are only real as carriers of meaning, and meaning is given to the present.
21. If you don't know what fate is, you know what fate is.
22. Empty conjectures can carry arbitrary dreams, and real answers will qualify real suffering.
23. Loneliness is not to drift alone on the empty and cold sea, but to be in a crowded place, where a good life unfolds – there is no place for you.
24. A large part of our lives must inevitably be conceived. Imagining on an occasional but necessary network is like looking at stars from a distance of thousands of light-years.
25. Tragedy is between good people and good people.
26. Why do people live? Because people want to live, after all, this is what it is, and the real name of man is desire.
27. "A person who talks about death, in my experience, does not really want to die, but ......" "And what?" "but still ...... Still longing for love......"
28. The question, most likely, at the time it is asked, the answer already exists.
29. For the form of reunion, we are not afraid of cruelty, we are afraid of mediocrity.
30. As long as you can cry, you can still be saved, and as long as you can still cry, there will be times when you can cry enough.
Typography | Stellar Edit | Xingchen Editor-in-Chief | Sun Yunguang