The people-pleasing personality refers to the excessive pleasing and pleasing of others, while ignoring their own feelings, and their hearts are anxious and do not dare to reject others, nor dare to express their own demands, so they often complain to themselves to fulfill others. Excessive sensitivity to the evaluation of others, fear of interpersonal conflict.
The people-pleasing personality is not a personality disorder, but it is also an unhealthy personality type.
People-pleasing personality traits include: excessive desire for approval, fear of rejection, difficulty expressing true thoughts and feelings, dependence on external evaluations for self-worth, constant apologies and self-sacrifice, avoidance of conflict, striving for harmony even when wronging oneself, and often ignoring personal needs and boundaries.
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Symptoms of a people-pleasing personality
1. Don't know how to reject others
A very typical characteristic of the people-pleasing personality is that they will never refuse the demands of others, even if the request is not very reasonable, and even hurt themselves, they will still agree to the other party in order to please others and cater to others. If you don't do what others ask you to do, you may feel very sorry.
2. Emotions are very sensitive
The people-pleasing personality is very concerned about the emotions of everyone in their environment, and can quickly perceive their emotional changes, because they have long been accustomed to pleasing others, so they are particularly concerned about the emotions and behaviors of the other person, for fear of offending them.
3. Pay attention to the opinions of others
Most people-pleasing personalities have little self-confidence, they are eager to know what others say about them, and they also want to be affirmed by those around them, and before they do something, the first thing they think about is not whether it will be successful, but what others will think and think of it.
For mental health testing and screening, you can also refer to the SCL-90 scale, for the detection and screening of mental illness, you can refer to the mmpi Minnesota Multiple Personality Test, and for the detection and screening of personality disorders, you can refer to the PDQ-4+ scale.
SCL-90 symptom self-rating scale
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MMPI 明尼苏达多项人格测验
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Personality Disorders Test PDQ-4+ scale
Hatps://vv.cmc.cn/c/pdc4
Causes of the people-pleasing personality
1. Family environment
If a person is growing up, they often feel the pressure and expectations from their parents, they will find ways to meet their parents' high expectations, and in order to get the approval and praise of their parents, they have to form this people-pleasing personality.
2. Social environment
After entering the dye vat of society, many people will feel very complex interpersonal relationships and quite fierce competition, and if they want to survive in such a social environment, they must practice eighteen kinds of martial arts, and they may use flattering methods to obtain the support and help of others.
3. Personal experience
When a person has experienced a situation of being bullied or ostracized by others, in order to avoid a similar situation from happening to themselves again, they will choose to protect themselves by pleasing others.
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People-pleasing personality coping methods
1. Learn to reject others
The people-pleasing personality has become accustomed to agreeing to the demands of others, even at the expense of himself, but sometimes rejecting others does not mean that the world is falling apart, but rather a sense of accomplishment.
2. Don't feel guilty in your heart
In most cases, the people-pleasing personality will feel very guilty after rejecting others, but there is really no need to have this kind of guilt, if it is always because of helping others to do some trivial things, dividing their own ample time, resulting in exhaustion, this is the least worthwhile thing.
3. Learn to cherish yourself
Although we are taught to respect others from an early age, respecting others does not mean serving others, we must have our own ideas and needs, we must learn to love ourselves, value our own feelings, do not need to spend effort to please others, and do not be afraid to offend anyone because of rejection, you should please yourself the most.
Caring too much about other people's feelings and ignoring themselves, although it is not a selfish person, but this kind of pleasing personality does not know how to love themselves, we must learn to face ourselves, know that everyone is equal, we never want to hurt others, but we also need to learn to love ourselves, respect ourselves, only those who love themselves know how to love life.