In the fast-paced era, people often fall into age anxiety:
"At the age of 28, I am probably destined to die alone in my life. ”
"They all say it's 30, but I don't have a house of my own. ”
"When people reach middle age, what if they are laid off and can't find a job?"
Age is like a huge cage that traps us and makes it difficult to break free, and many people become hesitant to move forward because of these confusion and lack of confidence, and miss the opportunity to change their fate.
So, have you ever had age anxiety, and how do we combat it?
01
Age is a number, not a limit
There is a concept in psychology called the "social clock", which in layman's terms, is what you want to do at what age.
Going to school, falling in love, working, getting married, having children, retiring, ...... Age is like a ruler, and when the corresponding time comes, all the tasks at this stage should be completed.
Once the pointer deviates from the predetermined track, the voices of the people around you will immediately drown you out, as if you have become an alternative to society.
▲ Senmin's sense of relaxation
14 years after graduating with a master's degree, the Weibo blogger @Minmin who was admitted to Peking University again was in the small forest, and he was a legendary "child of someone else's family" from childhood to adulthood:
The college entrance examination entered the ideal Communication University of China, and he was the only candidate recruited in Gansu Province for the major of literary and art choreography and directing;
After graduating from her bachelor's degree at the age of 22, she decided to go to graduate school and spent a fulfilling graduate career at her alma mater.
Stepping into society, she became an advertising salesman for fashion magazines and achieved financial independence;
After getting married and having children, she chose to quit her job and start a business to gain free time and pursue higher pursuits in her career;
Until the entrepreneurial project was acquired by a listed company, she returned to the workplace and officially entered the Internet industry.
Looking back on her experience before the age of 39, Min Min had been pushing the script of life according to the social clock under secular standards, and when life stabilized and the pace slowed down, she gradually developed confusion about age.
"When I was a kid, I used to fantasize about what my 20+, 30+ looks like, and the world of 40+ is a blank slate. Now that you are standing on the forked road of forty years, do you still want to follow the established route?"
▲ The side of the elite in the workplace
With such questions, when she flipped through the psychology books she was interested in, her inner thirst for knowledge became stronger, and she hoped to study more systematically and professionally, rather than staying at bestsellers and online courses.
Until one day, the idea of "taking the graduate school exam again and studying another major" suddenly popped up, which sounded a bit fanciful, but it didn't seem so far away.
"People are nearly middle-aged, and most people live a life of following the rules, trying to maintain their previous career trajectory and living status. But I still wanted to try what it was like to start from scratch to do something that I was particularly interested in. ”
▲ Some professional books
In her view, life is a long-distance run, not a 100-meter sprint.
If we are always desperately chasing and comparing ourselves with the people around us under the urging of the social clock, we are destined to walk with anxiety.
In fact, you just need to take steps at your own pace, whether you don't get married at the age of 30 or go to graduate school at the age of 40, there is no right or wrong.
Going forward, stopping, or going the other way around, age is never a limit.
02
Age is accumulation, not absence
When we reach a certain age, we are always used to describing ourselves as "one year older".
And the essence of fear of aging is actually the fear of loss.
For example, the obvious changes that have occurred in the body: the skin gradually loses its elasticity, it takes three days of rest to recover after staying up all night, and the resistance is slowly decreasing...... It's so real and touchable, it catches people off guard.
Compared with the postgraduate entrance examination experience 17 years ago, Min Min deeply realized that his memory was far less than when he was young.
In the past, it seemed that after reading and memorizing, it was memorized, but now it takes a lot of effort to fight memory decline, constantly repeating and consolidating, and even reciting knowledge points over and over again before going to bed.
▲ Dense notes
However, when Min Min switched the perspective of age to "grow a year old", he found that time is a good thing, which can bring us richer experience and mature mind.
"If you can't fight the accuracy of knowledge points, you can fight strategy. ”
As people get older, they become more and more understanding. She tries to judge the test points through experience, selectively review in a limited time, and give more examples when answering questions, linking the problems encountered in life with psychology, which is more concrete and practical.
▲ Study at your desk
At the same time, emotional stability is also a gift from age.
In the winter of 2022, at the stage when the graduate school entrance examination needs to be sprinted the most, Min Min was infected with the new crown. The ravages of the virus and the huge mental pressure caused her to fall completely ill and have a high fever for six days.
When the exam is approaching, she always can't put her mind at ease when she should have rested, and insists on reading books and reviewing, but her attention is always easily distracted when she is sick, and she is very anxious when she thinks about "whether the exam will be postponed", "when can she turn negative", "whether she can enter the examination room" and other issues.
She said that if she was not in the world, maybe her willpower would not be as strong as it is now, and now, even though she is full of uncertainty, she still wants to persevere no matter what, gritting her teeth and facing it calmly.
▲ Admission letter from Peking University
In the end, Min Min successfully did it and was admitted to Peking University with excellent results.
As Mr. Tobuhua said: "If you grow day by day, every year is better than the past, then age is not a limitation, but a kind of wisdom and a calmness to face the world." ”
Instead of lamenting the irreversible aging of the physiology, it is better to gain achievement and rebirth from other aspects.
And the best way to break the anxiety of age is to discover the advantages of age, use the advantages to redouble your efforts, and live the way you like.
03
Age is a process, not an end
"The world is a bridge, walk over it, don't build a house on it. ”
When she first read this sentence 20 years ago, Min Min was deeply shocked and made it her motto.
Every choice and decision in the future made her more convinced that life is just a journey, and we don't need to dwell too much on the gains and losses, but to enjoy the process without scruples, focusing on the experience.
▲ Don't forget to enjoy life
During the period after the graduate school entrance examination, Minmin let go of her studies and psychological burden and lived a relaxed life. When it came time to check the results, although I felt very confident at the conscious level, the smartwatch sounded an alarm because of the rapid spike in heart rate.
"I didn't expect to be so nervous. Min Min said with a smile.
In fact, she also imagined the situation of falling off the list, and she would definitely be disappointed, but she would not regret it. Because in this process, she has achieved the ultimate goal of the graduate school entrance examination-
"Others can help you with many things, but you can only taste the hardships you have to endure in learning. ”
Therefore, Min Min chose the most clumsy way to prove herself, affirmed her ability with practical actions, and clarified her self-awareness.
No matter what the outcome is, she has not lost the courage to step out of her comfort zone and embrace more possibilities in life in her career and life.
▲ Days on campus
Now, after becoming a Peking University student, Min Min is always infected by the breath of youth.
With young classmates, there is no inferiority complex or ideological gap at all, but exchanging growth experiences from different eras and making progress together, which is a very happy process for her.
Moreover, accustomed to being busy with her career and family, Min Min barely realizes that there is very little time for personal solitude, and all interests and hobbies are fragmented.
Under the guidance of her teacher, she also tried to leave a little more time for herself. For example, every half a month, I have to spend half a day to relax, not study, not work, not take children, and jog outdoors to relieve stress and repair emotions.
▲ The scenery of Peking University
"It is said that life is a wilderness not a track, when I walked into the wilderness, I found that my vision suddenly broadened, don't use age to frame yourself. ”
Min Min often shares her school life on social media, hoping to encourage her fans to:
No matter what age you are, as long as your life hasn't reached its end, you can try something new.
Don't be hesitant because of other people's opinions and opinions, we always have the opportunity to restart our lives.
Mr. Yang Jiang once said: "Your age should be a medal of your life, not a reason for sadness." There is a scenery of one station in life, and one year old has a taste of one year. ”
Anxiety may be given by the environment, but courage and confidence must be accumulated from years of experience.
Just like Minmin, she sees age as a symbol and gives it a different meaning with a positive attitude. Whether she is changing careers to start a business or taking a postgraduate entrance examination on the job, she is chasing her current goals and passions at all stages of her life, putting aside external interference factors and settling her heart.
We must believe that at the age of 20, 30, 40, or even in old age, we can still move forward and live ourselves seriously for the things we really like.
Regardless of age, it's never too late.