Psychologists say that the worst relationship in a marriage is not divorce, but becoming a masked couple.
The so-called "masked couple" refers to the fact that the husband and wife maintain the external image of a glamorous and happy family in all their social relationships.
The two of them went in and out together, ate and lived together, but in fact, after the door was closed, the two did not have any communication and communication at all, just lived together. There is no love at all, but divorce is never mentioned.
According to relevant survey data, about 30% of couples in Japan now admit that they are masked couples.
Many couples said in interviews that their marital relationship is that two people in the family are completely in a cold state of cold war, they don't need each other and have nothing to do with each other, and although they want to divorce, they don't leave because they want to make each other miserable.
A-san, who has been married for more than 20 years, said in front of the camera that the life of the masked couple in their family has lasted for 17 years.
When asked by a reporter what happened to the couple, A-sang said that he suspected that his wife had done bad things to the children and was abusing them during his absence. For the person he loved deeply, A-san was extremely shocked.
Since then, he has never sat down with his wife to communicate with each other seriously. Because they hate it so much that they don't want to talk to each other, they rely on writing down and communicating with notes when they need to communicate.
When eating, the meals that the wife cooks for the children and the husband are completely different.
There is nothing but meat in every meal, and although A-san sometimes wants to change the taste and eat some fish or something, there has been no other dish on his table for more than 10 years.
The food his wife cooks for him is completely devoid of love, but more like feeding feed to the livestock.
Although A-sang wanted to divorce very much, he still couldn't make up his mind because of the sentence "for the sake of the children".
A-sang said that his child is in what is commonly referred to as puberty, and considering that children at this stage are very rebellious, divorce may cause more harm to the child at this juncture.
Although A-san feels that the couple's bad relationship and such a distorted family relationship may have a bad influence on the child's character.
But whether the divorce hurts the children more or the masquerade couples hurt the children more, A-sang is also very confused, and he can't find the right answer.
Another Japanese woman who has been a masquerade couple for 9 years is Rii Edo.
Edo-san has two children, the youngest of whom unfortunately has some intellectual disabilities, and as a mother, she has to take care of the family and the children at the same time, and life is quite difficult.
At that time, my husband not only did not help with anything in the house, but also went out for drinks every night.
The husband was a heavy drinker, and when he came home drunk, he couldn't communicate and talk at all.
Edo-san wanted to discuss and share the pain with her husband for the sake of the child's health, but she did not receive any spiritual comfort and support from her husband, and she gradually became disgusted with her husband because of her depression and pain.
The reporter also had to ask why such a husband did not choose to divorce.
Edo-san said that initially she also wanted a divorce, but her husband said that he did not want to be deprived of custody of his children and did not want a divorce.
After all, in Japan, children are generally followed by their mothers by default after divorce.
Thinking that the husband also has to continue to provide financial support for the family, the way as a compromise is that the two of them will not divorce and continue to live as a masked couple.
However, the masked couple life under the same roof did not last long, and in the sixth year, the two chose to separate. To this day, it is still a masked couple who live separately and do not divorce.
Edo-san said that the current state is the best state for the two of them, there is no pain of living together, and the husband will give money to the family on time. He wants to see the child at any time. Both of them do not interfere in each other's lives, and they both live easily with each other.
Even the host couldn't help but sigh after listening to it, isn't this the ideal husband and wife life after the breakdown of the relationship between husband and wife. You don't have to look at each other's faces, give money, you can see your children, and both parties are free. Edo-san's two children also expressed their understanding of their parents' separation. After all, when my parents lived together, they quarreled frequently, and they were also unhappy.
If there is an event at the school that both parents have to attend, such as a child's sports day, both of them will pretend to be a normal couple to attend together, but the difference is that everyone will meet at the school, except for some processes and the like, they will not talk.
Experts also pointed out some of the reasons and opportunities why many couples in Japan have become masked couples. Some of them are due to marital infidelity, sexless marriage, different values after marriage, changes in age and body shape, changes in life such as having babies and raising children, etc.
And the reason why these masked couples do not choose to divorce directly also has various reasons. First, for the sake of children. For the custody of the child, I have been patient waiting for the child to grow up. Second, for the money. Need the other party's income, inheritance or pension. Third, for the sake of face, I hope to have a perfect family in the eyes of outsiders. Fourth, for the sake of hate, because I hate each other too much and don't want to see each other become happy, I don't divorce until I die.
The American novelist Slater once said, "Marriage is not about finding someone to live with, but about finding someone to grow with." ”
In this fast-growing society, marriage is no longer the same as it used to be, with only two modes of marriage and divorce. In addition to masked couples, there are various types of couples in Japan. Death marriage. The so-called pawn marriage is not to go through the divorce procedures from the legal procedure, but the husband and wife do not interfere with each other's lives, and they will not be together until they are forced to do so. Separation marriage. The husband and wife live in different residences, but the marital relationship continues.
Second partner marriage. As the name suggests, it is your second partner outside of the family. Unlike friends of the opposite sex, second partners have feelings of love. It is also the default cheating of both husband and wife. The American psychologist Holloway once said, "Marriage is a dance of two people, not a solo dance of one person." In other words, marriage requires the support and understanding of both husband and wife. We often say that we can't get close to our parents, but we can't get closer to husband and wife. When you are young, you become a husband and wife, and when you are old, you become partners.
Understand and communicate more in marriage. Share the joy and share the sorrow in the end, so that everyone can be happy.