I like the saying: true beauty is not only about how much you have, but also about how much you are able to control.
What you have at this time is certainly something to be proud of, but what you have invisibly or are having is also valuable.
On the way up, making yourself good enough is the best self-investment.
Before, I read a saying: writing is the best self-investment.
This statement is not entirely accurate. Writing itself is not an investment, but the cascading effect of writing is the manifestation of value.
The process of writing down is a process of combing through events and becoming self-conscious, and it will make you more aware of yourself, and you will know enough about yourself to turn ambiguity into certainty.
This process of self-improvement through learning is the investment in the brain.
I remember that in mid-March, the child began to lose sleep due to some emotional distress, and his emotions were exhausted, which led to an emo that did not want to stay at school and could not concentrate on the lessons.
In fact, it is not clear enough about the current events, and in the unclearness, they lose their self-control, so their emotions fall into confusion and double compulsion under the double denial of pressure and grievances.
At that time, when I saw the child's emotions, I did not panic, but had some joy, and it was through the occurrence of the problem that I saw some of the "icebergs" hidden in the child's heart.
In other words, what is visible to the naked eye or what is seen at the shallow level is only the "tip of the iceberg", and what causes the iceberg to appear is the invisible "iceberg group".
Panic or anxiety will not solve the problem, but will magnify the problem, and there is only one way to turn negative emotions into positive cycles: and that is to defeat negative emotions with positive emotions.
Specifically, it is to first release and flow negative emotions, and then use the power of mindfulness to fight negative emotions and achieve a balance between emotions.
And in the process of defeating negative emotions with mindfulness, you will also make yourself good enough and strong enough.
Although I have fallen into a kind of cognitive narrow-mindedness and operational bias in the past, I firmly believe that there is nothing wrong with the general direction.
And, through the emergence of the question, I once again looked at myself, looked at the child, and kept asking myself questions:
What are my cognitive mistakes? Where are my stereotypes? Where are my emotional stucks? What are the details that I am not doing well? Am I running away from something?
The occurrence of all problems is a process of "freezing three feet not a day's cold".
If the result is not good, there must be a mistake in the process, and the deviation in the process must be a problem with thinking.
With these questions, I dismantled and reviewed step by step, little by little, to deduce what bad demonstrations I had done and the projection of unconscious pressure.
In the process of becoming good enough with my child, I seem to have suddenly opened my mind and seen that the problems in my child have actually been repeated in me.
I am more convinced of the statement that the child is a copy of the parents. When my child has some problems, I should first look inside whether I am conscious or unconscious, or subconsciously have the same problem.
This new realization made me suddenly realize that it was not my child who had a problem, but I had a problem myself before I knew it.
So, I began to resume the rhythm of reading, daily changes, and exercise.
Reading is for input, daily reading is for input and daily awareness, and exercise is to integrate oneself into nature with mindfulness meditation and get better healing in nature.
Life is very hard, work is very busy, sometimes there will be a lot of pressure and tasks, and if you don't pay attention to it, you will have internal friction.
No matter how good an idea is, it is better to put it into action, and no matter how good the brain is, it is better to write it down.
There's a very chicken soup saying, but it's useful: prepare well in advance and you won't be in a hurry.
I no longer set goals for my child, asking him how many grades he wants to get into, nor do I draw a pie to ask him to go to which school, but just pay attention to his state every day and the learning situation of each subject.
It's not that the goal is useless, but that the goal is too high will bring invisible pressure, so we simply don't set the stage goal first, and first focus on the specific learning of each week and each day, and put it on the mentality and state.
At present, the level and degree of the child are not suitable for the drive of too high goals, it is better to focus on concrete things first, and wait for the children to see the progress themselves, and then it is not too late to target the goals.
Every effort in the process, every increase in mental strength, and every improvement in self-awareness are all processes of becoming good enough for themselves, and they are also the only way to break out.
When your child doesn't have a lot of confidence in himself, any goal is harmful, so start with mindful feedback and digging into his or her own micro-strengths every day.
When the "micro" amount of mindfulness is implanted in the heart, it is not too late to set a goal. Instant feedback also plays a great role in boosting confidence, no matter how hard others try, they can only treat the symptoms but not the root cause, and the confidence that they can discover and tap is the source of living water.
Life is full of flavors, may you face it with confidence. the right heart, use the right strength, and go up, in order to move forward easily. I patiently wait for my child to get back on track, and I believe that my child can meet a good enough self consistently.
Always applauding on the side of the road, always paying close attention, making yourself good enough first, and then influencing the children to become better than the past together, and bloom their own great future.