#春日生活打卡季#
作者:Jenny(富书作者)
Psychologist Adler believes that the root of all human troubles is interpersonal relationships.
The reason why people are troubled is that they can't learn to "separate topics" and can't distinguish between other people's affairs and their own affairs.
Many times, with "good intentions", we interfere in other people's lives, always trying to wake others up in case their lives fall into misfortune.
As everyone knows, you don't know everything about others, whether they have their own principles in their way of doing things, their ability to behave, their habits of thinking, etc.
You just blindly judge others with your narrow eyes, and get overly involved in their lives, which not only interferes with the magnetic field of others, but also allows yourself to fall into negative emotions.
Only by learning to divide topics and keeping your own boundaries can you make your interpersonal relationships free and smooth.
Other people's lives don't need you to save
Sister Xia, a neighbor, is an overly enthusiastic person, and often becomes a good teacher because of her excessive enthusiasm.
She often advised her relatives who sold insurance: "Where is the job of selling insurance? It is better to seriously seek a 'legitimate job' and not to ask someone to buy insurance in a low voice." ”
She didn't know that her relatives had to support their families and take care of their babies, and a free and well-paid insurance job was the most suitable for her relatives, who were already business executives at that time, and their income was much higher than that of ordinary company employees.
Due to Sister Xia's verbal stimulation from time to time, her relatives resigned from their insurance jobs, and soon fell into the dilemma of making money to support their families and having no one to take care of their children, and they could not return to the position of the director of the insurance company, and their lives fell into difficulties.
Not only does she advise her relatives on their work, but she is also a good teacher to her colleagues.
Sister Xia often admonishes her colleagues: "At present, the economy is down, and the company's efficiency is not good, so it is better for us to find a way to find a side business." ”
Under her encouragement, colleagues explored the "side hustle" together with great interest.
On the Internet, a variety of "XX Vocational Qualification Certificates" and "XX Manager Certificates" are prevalent, promising to pass the exam, complete the study and employment, and also receive government subsidies.
Sister Xia persuaded her colleagues to apply for the exam together, and she said: One more skill in the body, and you don't have to worry about food wherever you go.
The two of them did not verify the qualifications of the advertised institutions, and as soon as their brains were hot, they spent 3999 yuan to apply for the "XX Manager".
However, after paying the money, the "institution teacher" who connected with them only sent them a course link for them to study, and they no longer bothered with them.
The promised "passing the exam", "providing part-time jobs" and "receiving government subsidies" have all disappeared.
It is not easy to protect their rights in online transactions, because they have insufficient information and cannot protect their rights and interests through the law, and the money they pay is wasted.
Sister Xia regretted it, not only pit herself, but also pull her colleagues into the water.
There is a good saying: "All animists have their own energy fields, don't disturb other people's magnetic fields casually, and don't easily let others interfere with your magnetic field." ”
You are not a savior, you can't save other people's lives.
Other people's life problems need to be solved by themselves.
You can help, but don't force others to light the lamp and interfere with their choices.
Your "advice" may not be suitable for the other party's situation at that time.
Each of us has our own magnetic field, which is formed by our beliefs, values, and pursuits.
Too many distractions and temptations from the outside world often break our magnetic field and make us fall into a daze.
Only by firming up one's own magnetic field can one not be disturbed by the outside world and make wrong judgments.
It is a great thing for a person to live a life and live his life well.
Carrying the cause and effect of others is self-depletion
Have you ever encountered a similar situation in your life:
Parents always interfere in your life and work in the name of love;
In the name of friendship, friends often ask you for help, and if you can't help, you will be disgusted;
In the name of love, your lover will ask for you without any scruples, and you will be exhausted.
Bondarev once said: "The origin of all human suffering is the lack of a sense of boundaries." ”
Even if it's a close relationship, keep the distance it deserves.
If we cross the line, we will bear the cause and effect of others, and the result is often self-depletion.
In the book "The World Is Worth It", Hengzi told the story of herself and her husband.
When she was 27 years old, she met Mitsuo Nakamura, and the two fell in love at first sight.
With the increase of goodwill between the two parties, they did not know much about each other's living habits, so they entered into marriage.
After getting married, Hengzi found that her husband was a heavy drinker, and he went to drink every day after work, and only came back when he was drunk.
The husband also spends money lavishly, is very generous to his friends, but doesn't care about the family's expenses, and lives a tight life.
Hengzi complained a lot about this, persuaded her husband to get rid of her bad habits, and even threatened her with divorce, but her husband never got rid of it.
Just like Mr. Wu Zhihong said, the most ineffective effort in the world is to reason with people.
The more you reason, the more disgusted others will be, and the more reluctant they will be to communicate with you.
Her husband is used to freedom after all, and the more Hengzi wants him to change, the more he arouses his desire to resist.
Because of their different living habits, they had frequent quarrels, and Hengzi's mental state became worse and worse.
She was in a bad mood, which led to poor work and loss of motivation in life, and she turned herself into a resentful woman.
However, one day, she woke up, she felt that if she continued like this, she would not be able to change her husband, but also make the relationship between husband and wife worse and worse, instead of spending energy to change others, it was better to keep her energy to herself, and no longer obsessed with changing her husband.
Although he loves to drink, he socializes well, and his friends around him like him;
Although he loves to spend money, he is very kind-hearted and often helps others regardless of return.
And their small family is also getting richer and richer because of their husband's good social interactions.
So, Hengzi understood: instead of doing everything possible to change others and get yourself into trouble, it is better to focus on the advantages of the other party, let others go, and let yourself go.
The German philosopher Immanuel Kant once said, "Accept the existence of any independent soul, even if you do not recognize it, but try to understand it as much as possible." The road of life is a wilderness rather than a track, and everyone has the right to choose the direction. ”
When you intervene in the cause and effect of others, you will disturb your own magnetic field and carry the fate of others.
True transparency is to understand that everyone has their own problems, and it is better to be yourself than to interfere with others.
This is the best protection we can give ourselves and an important secret to maintaining good relationships.
Never let anyone interfere with your magnetic field
Everything has energy, and each of us has our own limited energy.
Writer Feng Tang said: "How much people can achieve, what they fight is energy." ”
Someone keeps complaining to you, and your mood fluctuates.
Someone demands too much from you, and you become exhausted.
If you carry the pain of others too much, your own magnetic field will be seriously disturbed and lost.
Venerable Hongyi once said, "Don't respond to anything that is negative energy, the response will be entangled with it, and the entanglement will be consumed by it." ”
Everyone has their own way to go, and they have their own calamities to cross. No one can always accompany anyone and remove obstacles for him.
Do our duty, and the rest of the things are for others to do.
Only by stabilizing the mind, managing one's own energy, and controlling one's own magnetic field can we get rid of the interference of others' negative magnetic fields and let one's life enter a positive direction.
1. Maintain a sense of boundaries
Susan Foward, a well-known psychotherapist, said: "Everyone's inner world has its own specific order, and establishing psychological boundaries is not selfish, but to let your affairs belong to you and my affairs to me." ”
Indeed, any relationship can be maintained for a long time without a sense of boundaries between each other.
It is important for a relationship to be close and comfortable, and to maintain a sense of boundaries.
We often say, "It's better to be happy at first sight than to be there for a long time." ”
The most comfortable relationships often have a sense of proportion.
Setting healthy boundaries will make us feel peaceful and serene and not easily offend others.
Looking at those long-term and stable relationships, they are not humble or flattering to each other, they keep their boundaries, and they advance and retreat freely.
Whether it is to yourself or to the people around you, this is a responsible attitude, with a degree of intimacy and mutual respect.
2. Stabilize the kernel
Benjamin Franklin once said, "One rotten apple is enough to break a basket of apples." ”
In life, we can't avoid encountering some "rotten apples":
When you encounter problems, you are full of negative energy and treat you as an "emotional trash can";
When he sees that others are good, he becomes jealous and chews his tongue behind his back.
In the face of these people and things that consume you, if the core is unstable, the mood will be affected.
In psychology, there is a concept called "non-integrative ability", which refers to the ability to withstand cognitive and emotional complexity.
People with "non-integration ability" live a sober and transparent life, with little confusion and confusion.
Because they live clearly, their magnetic field will not be disturbed by others, so that they can live comfortably and happily.
As the saying goes: the more stable the kernel, the smoother life is.
3. Maintain a positive magnetic field
Kazuo Inamori said, "What kind of blueprint you draw in your mind will determine what kind of life you will spend the rest of your life." ”
Everyone has a magnetic field, and a positive magnetic field can bring you good luck and make you meet good people and good things, because a good magnetic field will attract people who are on the same frequency as you.
When a person knows how to be kind to himself, enriches his soul, takes care of his feelings, has a good heart, grows upward, fully accepts and looks at himself optimistically, good things must surround him.
This is also the core point of the Law of Attraction:
Thought is a form of power, but also a manifestation of energy, and it is magnetic. Negative and pessimistic thoughts will produce a "negative magnetic field", feel that life is unsatisfactory everywhere, and lose hope and motivation;
If the mind is active and open-minded, it will produce a "positive magnetic field" and make people love life more.
There is a good saying: "Socialization between adults begins with politeness and ends with distance, and begins with friendliness and ends with proportion." ”
Knowing how to grasp the proportion, intimacy and sparseness, dense and intermittent, can make the relationship mellow and long.
Maintain a sense of boundaries, do not arbitrarily interfere with other people's magnetic fields, and wantonly infringe on other people's lives;
And don't let others disturb your magnetic field and put yourself on the verge of collapse.
At all times, you must remember: guard your own energy magnetic field, and do not interfere with other people's magnetic fields at will.
May you be able to do it, love people, respect people, and be loved and respected.
作者简介：Jenny，富书团队作者，一个人要想成功，一个人要想成功，你都需要一种能力来支撑你做好自己，不被阻挠，不被诱惑，这就是屏蔽力，第4本书已出版，图书《屏蔽力》正在热销中，你的生活，需要屏蔽力，和500万人一起升级生活认知，本文：富兰克林读书俱乐部，本文版权归富书所有，未经授权，不得转载，侵权必究
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