古人云：“一母九子，连母十个样。 ”
Why do siblings have very different fates?
Some believe that this is because of the different order of birth.
When the eldest was born, the parents focused on nurturing for a while.
The second child was born, and the parents already had two children, so they could devote part of their energy to education.
Lao Man is generally the favorite of his parents and has received the most resources, and there is a saying in many places that he is "distressed and full of cubs".
Of course, being influenced by the feudal ideology of patriarchy led to the suffering of daughters. Some families came in reverse, the daughter was praised to the sky, and the son was an outsider.
In fact, let's not hate our parents, it is our parents who give us life, and the person who changes our destiny is ourselves.
Maybe the siblings read as much, or they didn't read a few books, and the parents were poor, but after a few years, there were still people who made a name for themselves. This is the result of "on your own".
01
People who have a hard life take their original family very seriously.
In the novel "Home", the writer Ba Jin wrote about a man named Gao Juexin.
He is the eldest grandson of the Gao family, and according to the rules of the feudal era, he has to bear the main responsibility of the family. At the same time, it is also possible to get more family property for the family.
When he was very young, he and Mei were a pair of childhood sweethearts. He also studied hard and often won first place.
The family is very satisfied with all aspects of him, and all aspects will be arranged.
When he got his graduation certificate, his father said solemnly: "When you grow up, you should have a family and take care of a large family." ”
According to the arrangement of his father and grandfather, he did not marry Mei, but married Ruijue. In ancient times, they all paid attention to the right family, and they also insisted on "the words of the matchmaker and the life of the parents".
From childhood to adulthood, he was tamed, accepted everything from his ancestors, and did not dare to refute.
Of course, he also kept in mind the feudal ideas that his ancestors had continued for many years.
When his grandfather was sick, he asked a wizard to exorcise the demons, which scared him to the point of trembling.
After the death of his grandfather, he arranged for his pregnant wife to live outside the city according to the old rules.
When the wife heard the news, she cried and was helpless, and said, "I will not leave you." To die, I will die with you. ”
The temporary shelter outside the city is dark and damp, and there is no food and clothing. caused his wife to be sick and sad.
Gao Jue's new fate is getting worse and worse, and he can't find a way to rise.
How much does the family of origin hurt a person, let's look at this passage: "When you use your parents' feelings as the basis for most of your life decisions, you are giving up your right to free choice." If in your heart, your parents' feelings always come first, then your life will also be controlled by them. ”
People with a hard life are too involved with their original families, and they lose themselves in the end.
Marriages are arranged, thoughts are imprisoned, patterns are restricted, and life is dependent...... All this is because of the love given by my parents, and because I can't get rid of my parents' love.
02
Most people with good lives have two characteristics.
Relatively speaking, Gao Juehui in "Home" is relatively much better.
When I was a child, I was arranged by my parents to go to school, and I also listened to a lot of my grandfather's remarks.
But he's been changing, and he's become a newcomer to the rapids.
First, insist on improving your own cognition and not set limits on life.
Gao Juehui believes that reading is not to make oneself pedantic, but to accept new ideas and integrate into the new society.
When my grandfather preached again and again, he thought it was not love, but hurt.
When his parents and grandfather arranged a marriage match for him, he decisively refused, and even ran away to fight it.
He said to his brother Gao Juexin: "We are young people, not freaks, not fools, we should strive for happiness." ”
When he saw that his brother Gao Juemin was also going to be arranged for marriage, he opposed his grandfather's arbitrariness and helped Juemin escape from marriage.
In this life, people do not break or stand.
If you don't break the original cognition of the family, you will always be limited by the pattern of the family. Only by studying by oneself and absorbing nutrients from the society will become an "outsider" in the family, and thus go further.
Second, dare to step out of the original family and not be afraid of the wind and rain outside.
When his grandfather passed away, Gao Juehui shouted "grandpa" with sadness. It's emotion, but it's also a resentment towards my grandfather.
While everyone was grieving, he might be glad that he was free of restraints.
After seeing all kinds of superstitious behaviors in the family, he finally gritted his teeth and ran away from the family, and then continued to study and do socially progressive work.
The outside world is full of ups and downs, but the outside world is vast and boundless.
Everyone thinks that Jue Hui is a naïve and bold traitor.
The playwright Ibsen said, "Society is like a boat, and everyone must be prepared to take the helm." ”
You don't integrate yourself into society, you are spoiled by your parents, you are limited by your grandparents' thoughts, you will be fine for a while, but you will be independent after all. The day you have to be independent, you are middle-aged, and life is powerless.
Get out of the family early and build your own small family, even if you are alone, it is still a home.
"Home" wrote: "Although the environment has a lot to do with it, the environment is also man-made. Why can't we change the environment? People should struggle with the environment no matter what. ”
Among the brothers and sisters, most of the people with good lives are from the family environment to the social environment, and they also actively create an environment suitable for themselves, suffering losses first, and enjoying happiness later.
03
Writer Ba Jin said: "Whether it is day or night, the world has two different faces, for two different people. ”
Brothers and sisters start out as a family, a level of people, but eventually they become several kinds of people.
I often ask myself whether my destiny is in my own hands or in the hands of my parents, and whether I can earn wealth by myself or wait for my parents to give it.
How can there be a person who has a good life on a day, but after the wind and rain, he sets off again with the rainbow.
On the road to happiness, there are many inflection points and stops, and the parents' home is a one-stop road, and leaving the house is the turning point of fate.
Fate has given us a poor family, you have to start a new stove and build a rich family.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.