90-year-old "Grandpa Ji" You Benchang rushed to the hot search again, this time, it was he who shared with everyone the secret of his 60 years of happy marriage: the last sentence let the other party say that it is very important that he "does not make a sound"!
Although this sentence is enlightening and inspiring, after I watched his interview further, I found out that the secret of Grandpa You Benchang's marriage happiness is more than "not ringing"!
01
Grandpa You Benchang's sentence "Don't make a noise yourself, it's very important" has multiple meanings behind it:
First, "not making a sound" means listening, hearing the other person's voice, not rushing to deny, not rushing to self-expression, but completely accepting the other person's thoughts.
Second, "not ringing" means self-control. When there are contradictions and conflicts between husband and wife, who can be the first to control their emotions, not continue to argue, and compete, who is the real wise man.
Third, "not loud" means humility and tolerance. As Grandpa You Benchang said, there will definitely be contradictions and conflicts between two people, and the key is to "harmony and difference".
Grandpa You Benchang's "No Sound" has too much content in it, and behind these contents, they all need the support of cultivation, the assistance of wisdom, and the assistance of other content. Otherwise, if we "don't make a sound," we will be reduced to "silence" and "Cold War madness," which will be counterproductive and worsen contradictions.
02
So what content does "not ring" need to assist? to continue to learn the marriage wisdom of Grandpa You Benchang:
Once, Li Xueqin asked him, "How can we make love last for a long time?"
Grandpa You Benchang's answer, I think it's too classic: two people have their own growth backgrounds, they have to understand each other, and then they have to understand, if they don't understand, or they don't want to understand, or even don't understand, then they can't be another piece.
In marriage, many times the root of the conflict is that we don't really see each other.
What does that mean?
We all think that what we hold in our hands wholeheartedly for each other is what the other person wants, but in fact, maybe this is just your own wishful thinking, you are exhausted, but he wants to be dissatisfied.
Only by knowing and understanding can you truly see his needs and pain points, and only by understanding the other person's growth process can you understand his shortcomings.
As Grandpa You Benchang said, what is really effective in giving and maintaining love for a long time is these "three solutions": knowing, understanding, and understanding.
Grandpa You Benchang also emphasized: First of all, there must be love, but not possession, everything for the sake of each other, mutual respect and mutual understanding on an equal footing, so that 1+1 is greater than 2.
In just a few words, he expressed the true meaning of marital happiness: to give love and respect wholeheartedly, but to give each other space, to let go of the ego and achieve everyone.
Zhou Guoping also said that it should be intimate, but not inseparable. There must be a certain distance between people, and people who love each other are no exception. Marriage is prone to tragedy because it objectively makes it difficult to maintain this necessary distance. Once there is no distance, the sense of proportion is lost, and with it is the sense of beauty, freedom, tolerance and respect for each other, and finally love.
Yes, love is not possession, love is giving, love is compassion, love is what you are, not what I want.
03
In 1994, Yang Huihua, the wife of Grandpa You Benchang, was diagnosed with cancer, and he gave up his prosperous career and retired to take care of his sick wife. After 4 years of careful care, my wife was miraculously cured. Although there is no drama to shoot in his comeback, he proudly said: "My wife's health is better than in the past!"
After experiencing life and death, the husband and wife are more open.
At the age of 79, in order to rehearse the drama "Master Hongyi" at his own expense, Grandpa You Benchang sold his only house in Beijing and began to rent a house after discussing with his wife. After hearing this, relatives and friends counted down his wife Yang Huihua: "He's crazy all the time, why don't you care?"
Yang Huihua also replied with a sentence of understanding: "This house is worth selling!"
Grandma Yang Huihua supports her husband's dreams with her own actions, and this firmness is the best reward for her love for him. The marriage of two people also allows us to witness such a beautiful true love in the world, and witness what marriage should be: love each other and be heart-to-heart.
Grandpa You Benchang has a saying that is particularly touching: how long you live, you have to love for as long as you want.
This dedication to love and perseverance in love have made their husband and wife happy in their lives, and also let us have a deeper understanding and expectation of marriage and love: a good marriage is when two people work together to give birth to happiness in trivial days.
Respect the character of Grandpa You Benchang, respect this precious marriage! Give a thumbs up to the artist of both virtue and art, this loving old couple!