Emotions are an innate way of expressing emotions in human beings.
When faced with something bad, everyone has some negative emotions.
Some people say that mature people must know how to control their emotions.
It's good to be able to "control your emotions", but many people misunderstand what control means, or don't have the ability to manage your emotions.
So he chose to desperately hide and suppress his emotions.
As a result, instead of improving relationships and easing mood, they also destroyed their physical and mental health.
You must know that the maintenance of any relationship should not be premised on self-sacrifice.
The best self-love for a person is to allow oneself to let go of one's emotions.
Caring too much about the feelings of others
Destined to wronged himself
I have heard the saying that there are only two things in this world that hinder our happiness:
Living in the past and observing others.
Some people in life, when dealing with others, are always accustomed to giving priority to the feelings of others, and try their best to please everyone around them, but they live aggrieved and miserable.
Eliot, the protagonist of the novel "Catching Fallen Leaves", is such a person.
When he was a child, he competed with his brother to catch fallen leaves, and he deliberately lost the game in order to make his brother happy.
Since then, pleasing others has become the norm in his life.
In life, I always let my brother everywhere and make compromises to cater to my brother's friends;
When I was employed, I listened to my parents' wishes and did an accounting job that I didn't like;
treats lovers only and meticulously......
He tries to take care of everyone's feelings, but he is ostracized by his brother, misunderstood by his parents, and cheated on his girlfriend.
In the midst of repeated sadness and disappointment, Eliot's heart became more and more empty, and finally committed suicide due to depression.
Writer Mader said:
"To please everyone means to completely offend yourself and live up to your true heart. ”
If you care too much about the feelings of others, you are destined to be wronged.
is like Du Leying in the movie "Hot and Hot".
was robbed of her boyfriend by her best friend, but she still went to be a bridesmaid, because she couldn't bear her friend's title of junior;
In order to help his cousin turn positive smoothly, he went to participate in the live broadcast program against his will, but was used by his cousin and was scolded and blamed by the audience;
Eat with your favorite coach, obviously you don't like to eat bullfrogs, but you can't bear to spoil each other's interest;
Seeing the coach suffering unfair treatment and being disappointed, he quietly used 5,000 yuan to "buy" a place in the boxing match for him, but found that he didn't regard him as a girlfriend.
After being hurt and hurting, Le Ying finally regained her self-confidence and learned to love herself by "winning once".
In his book "Never Live in Someone Else's World", the American writer Glennon Doyle said:
We should follow our hearts, face up to our feelings and needs, and do things that please us.
Many times, we feel that life is tiring because we always put the feelings and needs of others first, but block out the truest thoughts in our hearts.
Gradually, not only will they lose their principles and bottom line, but they will also be ignored by others.
In the long run, you will only make yourself physically and mentally exhausted and painfully entangled.
Those pent-up emotions
will be presented in another way
I've seen a story.
The protagonist Kiki has been a very obedient "good girl" since she was a child.
Not only is he good at school, but he is also very polite, and he is deeply liked by his parents, teachers and people around him.
After work, she was also deeply appreciated by her boss.
But inexplicably he suffered from panic disorder.
Whenever her boss passed by her desk, Kiki would have panic attacks, chills and vomiting, so she had to go to the conference room to lie down and rest for a while, and sometimes had to take time off to go home.
But even at home, sometimes I get sick, especially when my husband is on a business trip.
I saw a lot of doctors, but there was nothing I could do.
In the end, I had to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist asked her:
"If I could make all your dreams come true, what would you want?"
Kiki has always wanted to be a fashion designer, and wants to be like her rebellious sister and take a few months of indulgence.
It turns out that Kiki has been burdened by the label of "good girl".
In order not to disappoint his parents, husband and boss, he constantly suppressed his emotions and feelings:
She hated her current job, but she chose this industry according to her parents' wishes;
In the past few years of work, I have never had a good rest;
When she disagreed with her husband, she wanted to have a big fight.
But my mother once said that if you really love someone, you won't quarrel with him, so no matter how annoyed you are, you can endure it.
Understanding the trigger, Kiki spent a few months taking a real vacation and taking a job designing clothes for women.
Since then, her panic attacks have not flareed up.
In psychology, those who are accustomed to restraining and suppressing their thoughts, rarely show negative emotions, and always blindly forbearance are called "C-type personalities".
People with this kind of personality are more likely to "accumulate worries and become ill".
Michelle also said in the book "81 Faces of Emotions":
"Ignoring emotions is far more painful than confronting them themselves. Once the mood is blocked, the negative effects can multiply. ”
Many times, we care so much about other people's feelings that we choose to ignore them, hold back, or explain ourselves to avoid our emotions.
As everyone knows, those suppressed emotions will not disappear, but will only accumulate more and more in the bottom of the heart, and finally turn to attack themselves inward.
Self-love at its best
It's about allowing yourself to release your emotions
We always think that emotions are temporary, "control it and it will pass." ”
In fact, this is not the case, many times, the emotions that are forcibly suppressed do not make our hearts relieved, but only to avoid conflicts, and bury them deep in the bottom of our hearts.
As everyone knows, those negative emotions that accumulate over time, if they are not vented, will be consumed into physical and mental harm.
Netizen Xiaoya once told her own story:
In the past, she has always played the role of a good old man in life.
At work, even if he is busy with his own affairs, he will grit his teeth and agree to various requests from colleagues;
When you are in love, you always ignore your feelings and blindly tolerate your boyfriend;
In order to win the favor of the people around her, she is always hardworking and cautious.
Even if he was wronged and was very sad and angry in his heart, he pretended not to care and never argued with others.
However, if you can deceive others, you can't deceive your own body.
Long-term depression and forbearance caused Xiaoya to suffer from severe insomnia and migraines, which could only be treated with medication.
Xiaoya realized that choosing to suppress herself in order to cater to others is a kind of putting the cart before the horse.
Modern women are given a lot of expectations, not only to work and make money, but also to raise children, take care of lovers, and be filial to their parents.
It is inevitable that sometimes the mind is exhausted and the emotions are out of control.
In a previous news, a woman broke down and cried in a subway station because she had been wronged at work.
When the staff stepped forward to ask, they heard a poignant sentence:
"I can't go home, going home and crying scares the kids".
This mom is not alone.
Statistics show that 97% of urban women will hide their emotions at work or study;
93% of people hide their emotions from their family members.
In order to show the best side and reassure our families, we are accustomed to being ourselves, pretending to be strong, and never revealing our helplessness and vulnerability.
But as this sentence says:
"The cup should be filled with love for yourself first, and then love for others when it overflows. ”
People who know how to love themselves have more energy to love others.
And the best self-love is not to be perfect, but to be aware of and allow yourself to release your emotions.
▼
In "Chinese Zhou Yuxia", the story of Dayu's water control tells us:
"Blocked, it's better to be sparse. ”
Emotions are like rivers, when we build a dam in our hearts, we seal all our unhappiness in the bottom of our hearts.
Over time, grievances and resentment accumulate more and more, and eventually break through the floodgates of emotions and hurt the body and mind.
Instead of blindly pursuing emotional stability and over-controlling emotions, it is better to gently accept and allow all of your emotions.
Knowing how to release emotions reasonably and moderately is not only a kind of self-protection, but also a true expression of feelings.
For the rest of my life, may you and I be able to remain aware of any interpersonal relationship, neither hurting others nor wronging ourselves.