In the situation where the values of the individual and the circle are inconsistent, the individual takes the initiative to adjust his own values and converge with the values of the circle in order to integrate into the circle. If the values of individuals and circles have been impulsive, still taking Gu Jia and the rich wife circle as an example, the following four situations may occur:
First, Gu Jia once again carried a cheap bag to participate in the party of the rich wife's circle, and was despised by the collective again; After that, there will be no fourth time - however, Gu Jia in the TV series avoided this result with her own cleverness and hard work.
The second is that Gu Jia carried a diamond bag of 3.8 million US dollars to participate in the party of the rich wife's circle, which directly stunned the jaw of the ladies and killed the desire of the ladies to compare with her. In this situation, all the ladies stared at her beautiful knife and red-eyed, but they didn't dare to offend, they were all careful, and they didn't even say anything about the situation. Gu Jia felt that she was standing on Mount Everest, with infinite scenery, and her "self-esteem needs" were greatly satisfied.
However, this is just Gu Jia's "self-esteem needs" being satisfied. As long as the wife gets together with her and her beautiful knife, she is ashamed of herself, and she knows that she can't buy it when she goes home to kill her husband, but she can't compare it, so she can only hold back. Therefore, compared with Gu Jia, Zhongtai has neither been satisfied with the "need for belonging", nor has she been satisfied with the "need for self-esteem", in addition to avoiding it, how far can she hide away.
In this way, compared with the circle of rich wives, Gu Jia's "self-esteem needs" are satisfied, but it is just a kind of self-absorption and vanity that no one supports, lacks belonging. This kind of vanity is also particularly easy to arouse the surging jealousy of the public wife because the infinite scenery only blooms on her, so that the public wife is all riveted, secretly looking for opportunities to set her up, and must put her in the situation of the second spring reflecting the moon before she is willing.
Three, if Gu Jia adheres to the value concept of "hard work and simplicity, people-oriented, not happy with things, not sad with things", abides by the value standards of his cheap bags, and resolutely does not cater to the public. At the same time, she is the supreme leader of the rich wives circle, and has the power to reward and punish the women. In this way, she can force the ladies to abandon their bag standards and use her bag standards as the bag standards of the circle.
The introduction of this new type of values, supplemented by coercive measures, contributed to coercive results, and met Gu Jia's "self-esteem needs". If Zhongtai sincerely abandons their old-fashioned values and sincerely agrees with Gu Jia, their needs for "belonging" and "self-esteem" can be satisfied. On the contrary, Zhongtai is obedient on the surface and hateful in his heart, Gu Jia only gets the vanity of being satisfied with his paranoid "self-esteem needs", and Zhongtai only gets the paranoid "belonging needs" and the subservience of pretending to be satisfied.
Fourth, Gu Jia has always carried cheap bags to participate in the party of the rich wife's circle. Because she poured tea and water every time before and after the saddle, and baked fresh and delicious pastries for the public to enjoy, the public wife "had no money for glory and a pity for abandoning it", so she was left in the circle for drive.
In this way, Gu Jia was in the circle of rich wives, and only relied on the conventional value of inconspicuous output to obtain the satisfaction of the paranoid "need for belonging". The satisfaction of its "self-esteem needs" cannot be achieved relative to the circle. Even so, Gu Jia is happy to do it, because she is proud to be a member of the rich wife circle. This identity is much more visible than other full-time mothers and aunts.
If Gu Jia is bound to the circle of rich wives and is a cow and a horse, there is no way to compare his self-righteous vanity with outsiders. Her needs for "belonging" and "self-esteem" can neither be transformed into each other to be satisfied, nor can she be promoted to the satisfaction of high-level needs such as emotion and beauty, but can only regress below the level of value needs, and meet the needs of food and clothing.
Specifically, below the hierarchy of human value needs, there are "sex" and "inheritance" needs, "closed" and "open" needs, and "dependence" and "independence" needs. Gu Jia is relative to the circle of rich wives, and has barely achieved paranoid belonging, and if her needs are not satisfied, she will retreat, and she will tend to a psychological "closed" "dependence". After a long time, the formation of inertia, if she is suddenly expelled from the circle by the public, the psychology can not even meet the "closed" "dependence" needs, in front of her, that is, the sun and the moon are dark, in addition to self-adjustment of the mentality, try to overcome, it is self-broken.
The dialectical satisfaction of the needs of "belonging" and "self-esteem" is the watershed that distinguishes humans from other animals. In the circle of rich wives in the TV series "Thirty Only", the wives are relative to the circle and get each other's "belonging" and "self-esteem" needs satisfied, and they all think they are the best people who carry famous bags, know how to arrange flowers, can taste, and can play with mud (pottery).
However, can the values they are accustomed to upholding, and the value objects they recognize and admire, be recognized by outsiders? How many outsiders can be recognized? Audiences who have watched the show have their own measurements in their hearts.
The key to a person's adulthood lies in his ability to create personal public value for others and groups, and to achieve the dialectical satisfaction of his needs for "belonging" and "self-esteem" with others and groups. If they don't have their husbands to make money to support them, they will not be able to support themselves or maintain their circles, let alone be recognized and respected.
Extreme assumptions, if no audience agrees with the values and corresponding value standards of the rich wife circle, the rich wife in the play is just entertaining herself. They think they are superior people, because they don't get any recognition and respect, in the minds of the audience, they are a kind of existence that can't meet the value standards of "people" - how they are outside the circle The audience doesn't know, and they stay in the circle, they are all "non-people".
In the real society, individuals relative to circles, whether it is lovers, husbands and wives, relatives and friends, colleagues, partners and partners, or the middle circle of many people such as organs, units, institutions, associations, etc., and even the large circle of nations, countries, and societies, all follow the law of dialectical satisfaction of the needs of the above people to survive, develop, or paranoia, regression - reading values, understanding the dialectical relationship between the needs of "belonging" and "self-esteem", is especially critical to let go of paranoia, enter the circle, and get out of the circle.
Chapter 3 The poor wives, bags and non-people who enter and exit the circle of rich wives
Chapter 6 This society lacks a soul
One Study: The Theory of Creation: "The Awakening of Human Nature"